I never thought I'd have four kids

Today I'm grateful for...

Having health insurance

Getting out of the house (first time in days)

Seeing my sister

Being with my wife for the last chemotherapy treatment

My sister is here to help us care for the kids while I recover from the Flu, and while Lulu and I trek down to SF for the chemotherapy treatment. We had originally planned on leaving today for UCSF cancer center, but I wasn't feeling well enough to ride in the car for four and half hours (plus I didn't want to expose Lulu and Lourdes to my infectious cough). So the plan is to leave bright and early tomorrow Friday so we can make the first appointment at 10 AM.

Lulu and Lori were bonding over my Halloween costume construction (I'm going to be Jack in the Box and the construction of the famed head is quite time consuming and technical). I can see that Lulu enjoys the companionship, and has been really sharing a lot of herself with my only sister. I've just been a bystander, but enjoying the day (as best you can coughing, hacking and not feeling very well). It's great to see my sister holding and feeding Lourdes. The two seem to have taken to each other, and Lori has been holding her for most of the day (Lourdes likes to cry a lot, so she is in someones arms much of the time). Many times the only think that can quiet Lourdes is walking her around and talking or better singing to her. She has a "more then usual" cry time from 6 to 9 PM daily. We haven't resorted to the top of the dryer or the drive around in the car tricks, as of yet. I watched the little angel girl from afar today, and I was wishing that I could hold and soothe her as my sister was doing. I just can't wait until tomorrow comes so I can take her into my arms, feel and hear her breath upon my cheek. Isn't that want Daddy's do?

I did get the chance to rough house around with Hamilton tonight, and I played a new game with Thomas too. (I made sure that I brought home some medical masks to protect them from my Flu symptoms). They both are hungry for attention. You can see that they want to play with anyone that is near, and even though I don't feel the best, I wanted to spend a least a small part of my day with them. I plan on using this weekend to catch up with the little time that I've been able to be a active father lately. I never imagined that fatherhood would be so rewarding? I look forward to the smallest moments that I have with each of the four maturing Wilkerson kids. I distinctly remember Lulu and I discussing the number of kids that each of us wanted to have. I was bordering between one and zero. I think that like most persons without children, I was scared to venture into the unknown of parenting. Would I be a good father? Could I change my single life and the priorities that come along with only worrying about yourself? I was never convinced that I could succeed as a parent, and that lead me limiting myself to no more then one dependent. Boy have I come a long way. I was the driving force in Lulu and I having our fourth child, Lourdes. As difficult as the last five months have been, I'm so elated that we had Lourdes and blessed that God choose us to be her parents. I just hope that I can live up to high standards that he has placed on me???