Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I'm thinking about a long future together

Today I'm thankful for...
Living a lifestyle that I myself envy
Being healthy
Having a place to go to everyday that I enjoy
Seeing the glass as all the way "full", with a little water dripping out

Our days have been consumed by the office politics lately. There seems to be a million and one hurtles to over come during this last few weeks, and no end in site. Having a small business can be extremely time consuming; however, most of the time the result are so gratifying that more than worth the efforts. Lulu has accepted a position supervising the Pediatric Dental residents from UNLV dental school, so she can still be involved in the profession that she has loved and worked in for the last 12 years. She will be traveling to Fallon one to two weeks per month to help the residents treat children at the Fallon Indian Colony. I think that she'll really enjoy working with the 5 or 6 residents from the program. Lulu is a educator at heart, and that is one of the things that makes her such a good kids dentist. She is always teaching the patients (and their parents) in the office everything from proper tooth brushing to what are the most current trends in clothing (especially the girls). I can't wait until next week to see Lulu get back to what she most desperately misses, kids dentistry. There has been talk about a return to Dentistry for Kids on a part time basis. The plan is for Lulu to see a limited schedule of patients starting in late April. She has spoken many times about her need to get back to her calling, though I think after being out of the office for 10 months, she is nervous about her return? I know that her right arm is bothering her daily, because I can see her favoring the left; however, she good a hiding it. I just wonder if the effects of removal on 20+ lymphnodes from the underarm of her right side will slow her down in the long term? So far not a whole lot has slow Luz deLourdes Molina-Wilkerson. This is one tough Puerto Rican girl.

Our families life has become more predictable in these last two weeks. We are settling into a pattern that more predicable then anything that we've seen in these last 10 months. The boys are doing well with their Mommy's diagnosis, and we now talk about the longer term future, not only about what stage of cancer treatment that Mom's going through. I think that Lulu and I have tried hard to put on a "everything just fine" face, and mostly talked about the disease between ourselves. I really think that including the boys in some parts of Mom's treatments and her feelings during these times was important? Who knows what the long term effects of having a mother, and wife go through the difficult struggle as she has? I have to believe that all the kids (and the husband) are going to be stronger for it? I have definitely noticed the family has been closer these last 10 months as we've ever been before. Again reinforcing my belief that every thing happens for a purpose and it's just sometimes you have to wait awhile to find out what those are.

I haven't been afflicted lately with those thoughts of my wife not being around to care for her family one day. Just a short while ago I would wake up nights, sweating profusely, just having a vague feeling of dread that Lulu was going to be there for us. I had thoughts of what I was going to do to survive this world alone? It was like a recurring nightmare that I couldn't escape from. (now I don't sleep because I have a 9 month old girl crying most of the night). I like the nights of baby crying much more then praying that I wouldn't have another one of my terrible dreams of being alone when I woke up. I grateful to be able to think about the rest of my wife with my lovely spouse of 13 years. (on April 26).

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