Another surgery at UCSF

Today I'm loving the fact that...
I get to spend a lot of time with my wife
My wife is through another step in betting cancer
I get to eat a hot Pastrami sandwich
Had a safe trip from Reno to San Francisco

I'm spending another night at the bedside of the strong, lovely woman that I've been sharing my life with for 13 years. I'm not totally thrilled with the fact that we are back at the UCSF cancer hospital for another surgery on the non healing right breast, but at the same time I'm thinking that we (she) should be closer to getting past this cancer thing, and back to a "normal" life? (whatever normal is anymore?) She flew through this 1.5 hour surgery, and is recovering well. The doctors were very happy with the results of the reconstruction of the infected right breast, and I was excited to hear that they could save the implant. The procedure today was explained as a "clean up" the tissue, and get a better closure of the incision. The internal breast tissue was cleaned out, and new Allograph tissue placed, then sutured in to the healing breast tissue. Post operatively, the doctors said that Lulu should heal uneventfully, and needs to return in 10 days for a wound check and bandage removal. I'm so, so happy that her recovery (so far) is much better then a last months surgery (where Lulu had a difficult time flushing out all of the anesthesia medications). She seems much more perky, less nauseated, and much more alert. One hour after being wheeled out of the recovery area, she was talking on the phone to her kids and mother in Reno.

We have been told that Lulu can return to Reno tomorrow (Friday), after the surgeon comes to follow up with her recovery. I know that both of us will be quite happy to be leaving this hospital after spending much of this last week as guests. I can't believe all that this person has
experienced with this disease? Could we be getting close to the end of the unknowing? I think that is the hardest part of the cancer and it's side effect is the unknown that come along with it? When I had my back surgeries a few short years ago, I knew what the results should be and what to expect, but Lulu doesn't know what is next. And maybe worse, when it might happen? I'm thinking that tomorrow will be the new start for a cancer free, healthy life for this beautiful girl? Lord knows she deserves it.

We've had enough of hospitals

Today I'm grateful for...
Knowing the difference between needs and wants
Best health care in the world
Supportive extended family
My Toyota Pruis

Lulu told me before I left the UCSF hospital that she feels as if she's spent more time in the hospital then at home lately. Between the Radiation, Chemotherapy, two surgeries, numerous test, trial drug treatment, and all the doctor consults; I think that she's right? I just smiled and gave her my best "I love you" look. I can say that I know that I'm tired of all the appointments, the drugs, and the wondering what's next. How couldn't Lulu be getting to the end of her patience with all that has come with the cancer? But you move forward looking and praying that tomorrow brings better news.

The logistics of the "weekend of antibiotics" was crazy to say the least. Lulu and I brain stormed on how to get Lulu back to Reno on Monday after she finishes the antibiotics? Together after looking for one way flights to Reno, we decided on asking my sister Lori, which was in Reno at our request to celebrate her 50th birthday (so much for that), to drive down to San Francisco with our Toyota minivan, and then I would turn around and drive her back up to Reno. Of course, this would mean she would be in the car for 8 or 9 hours, now that's brother-sisterly love. We left for the return drive for Reno sometime around 7 PM, and for a Saturday night, I'm not sure that there could be more traffic trying to get over the bridge? I was worried for Lulu, and didn't want to leave her there alone, but I knew that I planning on returning on Sunday to be with her. What could go wrong in one day?

My sister and I returned home to Reno around 12 midnight, after almost running out of gas on the way into town. After, dropping my sister off at the Sands hotel to her husband and friends, I zoomed home, because I was so excited to get to sleep so I could be awaken by the kids in the morning. Sunday didn't go as planned. I had planned on leaving the house by 9 AM to get back to Lulu, but unfortunately the doctors didn't get to Lulu until 11 AM, and Lulu had thought that she might be released today? By the time I found out that Lulu indeed had to say until Monday, it was too late in the day for me to drive the 4 plus hours and stay with my wife for the day, so I had the pleasure of spending the day with my beautiful children. I was feeling sad for Lulu, but excited to be there sharing the day with my kids.

On the personal side, I have been working hard on my fitness, diet, and attitude. This next Sunday I'm participating in my second triathlon of the year . This one will be taking place in Sacramento (the first one was in Tahoe), and I'm hoping that it will be better then the first one last month? (in my first one my bicycle chain broke halfway through the 22 mile biking portion of the race). It's hard to explain the enjoyment of swimming a half mile, riding a bicycle for 15 miles, and then run a 5K before your legs give out. I love training daily, weekly, and monthly for the big day. I look forward to the training as a way to both relieve my stress, but also to concentrate on something different then my wife's cancer. Whether I'm swimming in the pool, riding the mountains around Reno, or running through the woods I really have found something that I'm very motivated by. I don't think that I've ever worked as hard on my health and fitness as I have these last 3 months? I'm in the best shape of my life, and getting better. I really can't wait until I get to put all the training to the test this weekend. I'll keep you posted on this one!

I have a new book on my reading list, and have already downloaded it to the Kindle App on my iPhone. The title is "Leadership and Self Deception". I have ordered multiple copies so the team at the office can partake in the learning that is contained within this book. I have read this years ago, and took away some very helpful tools for improving myself, but I feel that there is more within these pages for me? To improve my being, to build better relationships around me, and to most importantly help me be a improved person. This is a short, wonderfully helpful book, and I really think a must read for all.

Another unscheduled trip to San Francisco

Today I'm thinking about...
The limited time we all have in this life
How great my first 44 years have been
Lucky to be married to this woman
How great my health is

Well what can I say? Here I sit next to my lovely, strong wife in a hospital room wondering what is next? There's an IV sticking out of Lulu's arm where she is getting strong antibiotics to combat the infection that recently started in her breast and seems to be trying to escape to other places. The doctors were concerned enough about the extent of the infection to recommend that Lulu gets admitted for two or three days for intravenous antibiotic drug treatment. When we drove down to UCSF this Friday morning after the surgeon examined a recent iPhone photo of Lulu's breast, we didn't expect her to be spending the first three days of October in a hospital bed.

I have seen my wife go through more in this last 14 months then most people live through in an entire lifetime. I've seen her strong, determined, and confident dealing with the daily life of a Stage III breast cancer patient, but today the foundation is cracking and the tower is falling. It's heartbreaking to see her struggle with these new circumstances. This is truly the first time I've really seen Lulu battered by the disease. How can anybody know what she's internally dealing with?

After sitting for what seemed like hours waiting for the surgeon (which we were notified he was in surgery since 7 in the morning), we conferred with the nurse and then the plastic surgeon about Lulu's breast infection, her feeling sick, and the discharge from her healing incision. After a week taking two oral antibiotics the cellulitis in her right breast (and arm now); it isn't improving, and if the infection persists much longer the implant that was just placed three ago could be lost? That's all Lulu and I needed to hear, we wanted to tackle this with he most aggressive therapy possible. The next thing we knew Lulu was assigned a room on the fourth floor of the hospital, getting an IV by a newbie nurse and some unpronounceable antibiotics names pumping through the tubes.

We'll make the best of the situation, and Lulu will fight the infection with all her faith and determination she can.

Post surgical breast issue, and an unscheduled trip to SF

Today I'm grateful for...
A long and warm summer
My healthy, strong, and pain free back
Lovely kids
Good friends to bond with

Every time I look back at the last blog it surprises me how much time has gone by. I seem to be logging all the trials, events, and health of Lulu, but I'm always amazed to find out that it's been a week or sometimes two since I last updated the site. I think as the intensity of Lulu's cancer treatment subsides, I have so much more to occupy my time? I really enjoy putting down in writing my thoughts and many times I can't wait to sit down late in the evenings to jot down the weeks events.

This weekend, I had been looking forward to a long time coming fishing trip with two of my best friends Mike, and Randy. I was disappointed when we got under way just after 4 AM Friday morning after a lot of trepidation on whether or not the whole thing was going to happen? It has been a tradition for the guys to get away each fall (the best time of the year to chase the big trout in most lakes in Nevada), so I had been looking forward to this trips for months. The weekend turned out to be a great time for us three to kid each other, talk about previous fishing adventures, and catch a number of large healthy trout. Since the lake that we had planned on fishing this year was 4.5 hours from Reno, we had a lot of time for conversation (apart from the political discussions, most of it was good). We have been doing these trips for a really long time (12 or so years), so as we drove home on Sunday afternoon, I was feeling a little blue, knowing that this just might be the last trip together? I have realized that while I enjoy the company of these two great friends, my passion no longer lies in fly fishing. I just don't get the enjoyment that I once used to out of throwing flies at hungry foraging trout. I knew even if this was the last trip together, the numbers of future trips was more then likely going to be limited? I feel the pull of moving on to other endeavors to fulfill my leisure tank, but at the same time I feel the sadness of lose the great friend that's been such a huge part of my life (my grandfather thought me to fly fishing a the young age of 7, and I've been at it ever since). I was also nervous about returning home after 3 days away, because I got a phone call on Sunday morning that Lulu was feeling well and that she was having pain with her right breast. I was apprehensive about what the extent of the issue was during the whole ride back to Reno.

Upon my arrival I knew that sometime big was happening to Lulu, because both my parents were at my house when I arrived. My parents aren't usually over at the house unless were having a family dinner, or celebrating a birthday, so I had a good idea that Lulu was feeling well and needed their help? After a short discussion about the weekend and the kids, Lulu explained the problems that she was experiencing these last two or three days. She voiced that she had started feel as if she was coming down with the flu last Friday, but because she is taking 600 mg of Ibuprofen daily she felt that the symptoms were getting better, but that she felt confident that her right breast was infected and it was very red and swollen (I later found out she had a cellulitis and that she was having infected discharge from her breast). Lulu had been in contact with the doctor on call at the cancer clinic on Saturday night, and he told her that she needed to be seen right away (to Lulu this meant Monday). I felt badly that I was here for her, and wished that she had told me the extent of the issue while we discussed happenings Saturday night? Lulu just told me that she did want to worry me. She had made all the arrangements for us to travel down to the UCSF clinic on Monday morning to have the infection assessed, so I spent the evening wondering what was next?

Lulu and I awoke quite early on Monday morning to prepare for our trip down to SF (and no I didn't have to listen to marriage CD's this trip). We got into a heavy discussion about life, and past relationships during the drive down. The time flew by, and before we knew it the Prius was turning into the parking garage of the UCSF cancer clinic. As I parked I was thinking about the 60 plus trips down, and the total cost of parking alone? I did the calculations in my head and came out with some where around a total of $1200 for all the times we parked in the garage. (for anyone who's had the pleasure of parking in SF you know that the cost of parking is astronomical, on one trip to the holiday inn half of our hotel cost for the two nights stay was parking fees). Anyway, once I got parked and cleared my out the thoughts of trying to buy a parking lot in SF, we made our way into the clinic. Oh, and by the way the city just happened to be in the midst of the hottest day of the year, 86f, and sunny. I only put that in because I don;t think that we had seen the sun on one of our trips down since last winter, and the warmest day until now was around 70f?

Lulu and I arrived at approximately 11:20 AM, and because her surgeon was in surgery that morning we needed to wait until he was finish for her to be evaluated. Three hours later, after a nap, three potty runs, and many sticks of gum, he make it just in time to relieve us from shear boredom. After a break exam and questioning, it was determined that Lulu did indeed have a infection in the right breast, that the healing wound had lost some of the closing sutures, and that the skin graph looked frail in the area. After a consultation with another surgeon (resident?) and the attending nurse, the decision was made to re-suture the area immediately using local anesthesia, administer oral antibiotics for 10 days for the infection, and then follow up in a week. (they also were discussing having to reopen the breast and replacing the tissue graph, cleaning the infection within the breast and re-closing again under general anesthesia, but to our relief that was put on hold as a back up plan for now). Another 15 minutes and Lulu had a newly sutured breast, and was released from the clinic. We were both quite relieved that we weren't expected to return this Friday for surgery to repair the breast as the doctors were discussion just a few minutes earlier. I could tell that Lulu was relieved to be done and a diagnosis made. I think that she was happy that there was actually something wrong with her breast, because it validates her pain and sick feeling the last three days?

On the drive back (the traffic was tolerable, better then most trips during rush hour), Lulu called the office to inform them to re-schedule the patients that were scheduled to see her on Wednesday and Thursday, because she had been told to "take it easy" for the next week at the very least. For this is one time that I see Lulu is listening. I think that secretly she is looking forward to another week of recovery, since it's only been a short three weeks since her last surgery?

We arrived home, and I spent some reflective time thanking God for taking care of my wife and family, and giving Lulu's body the powers to heal. I know that she'll move past this minor hiccup and be stronger at the end of it all.

The unveiling

Today I'm thinking about...
Watching my wife battle back from surgery
My little girl grow up before my eyes
Getting more fit everyday
A loving family to be a part of

=]p-=o'][=]-=nkl[ul;.; this is Lourdes helping me on the computer. She loves to play with the computer, taping on the keys frantically. I'm not sure that she gets more enjoyment out of anything else? It does make my logging the daily trials of the Wilkerson-Molina family more of a challenge. The little princess is starting to get into everything. She's crawling everywhere and can walk holding herself up with furniture, walls, and chairs. I live to watch her explore, learn, play with her brothers. What a sight! As she gets mad at me for not letting her have more time on the keyboard, helping me. The whole family is enjoying a Sunday evening together with games, talking about the fall plans, and what our family's plans are now that Mom has gotten past the most difficult time of her disease?

It's been ten days since Lulu's surgery at UCSF, and just yesterday she was ready to remove the bandages from her surgical area. I think that she was nervous about what the results of the 6 months of expansion and two surgeries was going to produce? I haven't been privy to the surgically altered new breasts; however, she seems quite happy not only with the results, but also with the fact that she gets to take off the mummy wraps. I think that she's been walking with her chest pressed slightly more forward, announcing that she has a little more to show up top. (that could be my imagination, maybe I just think that she proud to be showing off the new version of the breasts). I'm just happy that she's been feeling better after a struggle with the anesthetic from last week's surgery.

This week we will be making another trip to UCSF for the follow up with the plastic surgeon. We will be celebrating 60th trip to San Francisco and back since the first trip down that dreadful late June 2009. I figure that we have saved somewhere around $2000 in gas money by trading in the Toyota Tundra truck for the '07 Prius? (not to mention that I bought the Pruis for about half the cost of the Tundra). Lulu and I both love the quiet ride of the hybrid, and you can't beat the gas mileage (I have average about 45 mpg). We only plan on traveling down to the city once/month for the next 5 to 6 months, and hopefully much less after that? Lulu and I have had some great discussion (dare I say bonding) during those 500 hours in the Pruis. For example; on the way to the surgery appointment last week, Lulu announced that she had bought a new book-on-tape for our mutual enlightenment for the 4.5 hour journey. I knew after the Dr. Laura Schlessinger CD series entitled, The Proper Care and Feeding of your Husband, (which we listened over a couple of trips down during the winter months) I was in for another husband-wife relationship coaching lecture. Sure enough, she had picked out a husbands worse nightmare, How to fill your mate's emotional tank, by speaking your spouse's love language... Lulu was so excited to get the CD started as soon as we left Reno, and I noticed as she was taking out the disc that there were at least four CDs in the case. That's when I realized that I would be listening to the language of love for the next few trips to SF.

The CD started off interesting enough to keep my attention, I didn't dare to yawn or seem uninterested during the program. I actually opened my mind for the learning of some relationship building tools that I could use to strengthen our relationship, and by the middle of the first CD I was thinking that I had really learned a few new techniques to build upon our marriage? I was so engrossed in the possibility of having a stronger relationship with my life partner, I didn't notice that Lulu had fallen asleep under her dark sunglasses. I guess the education was meant for me, and she had all the relationship building figured out? Well her loss, because during the next 3 hours I received a bushel of Cupid arrows for my bow to use with the as much expertise as the cherub himself. When Lulu did finally woke from her beauty sleep and stated that she had learned a great deal from the author, I just said that I wasn't sure that I followed the content and how it related to our marriage? I know until she reads this, I have the advantage in our relationship. Just another way that my wife has enlightened me to become a better husband, lover, and father.

Breast reconstruction surgery

Today I'm thankful for...
Family being there for both my wife and me
Knowing that my kids are safe
The expert hospital staff and doctors
My wife's incredible strength

Wow, where do I start? I'm sitting here in the hotel room near the UCSF cancer hospital watching my very strong wife recover from surgery. As I look at my watch, it has been 5 hours since she was wheeled out of surgery and into the recovery room of the Mt. Zion's cancer hospital, where she had her breast implant exchange surgery this morning. She has been resting comfortable most of these five hours, only waking to get a quick drink before nodding back off into dreamland. The surgery to take out the expanders that the plastic surgeons placed back in November and place silicon implants ( and no she didn't get the DD size that was so widely discussed), lasted a little over 4.5 hours and the surgeon said that she performed "as well as expected" (I've never understood that one? Is that good, or did he expect her to do really poorly, and she barely passed?) I know that Lulu's getting the chance to catch up on that most need rest that you don't always get when you have four active kids? I know that she is having a moderate amount of post surgical pain though, because she had asked the recovery nurse for pain medication during one of her momentary alert periods. I know that I'm glad that she is sleeping off the anesthesia, and hopefully when she fully recovers, she will feel better? The hospital released Lulu at 4 PM because they felt that she was doing so well, and we brought her groggy body to the hotel to rest for the night. I'm sure that she will be thinking about her return home tomorrow early, so see can be in her own bed, and near the kids?

I have had four great helpers caring for Lulu and our kids. Lulu sister, Doris, could take time to fly here to be with her younger sister and my sister Lori drove in from a couple hours away to assist in the emotional support. On the home front we have my aunt, Dianne, my Mom, and Lulu's Mom staying in Reno to care for our kids. It's so nice to know that the boys and baby girl are well taken care of. The piece of mind knowing that neither Lulu and I have to worry about the kids getting feed, dropped off at school, or comforted at night, has been so very helpful during this stressful time. Also, knowing you have been there thinking about Lulu and praying for her successful surgery and recovery
from this dreadful disease, is a great part of her recovery. I know that Lulu sees this surgery as a step in the process of beating breast cancer, and she has just moving one step closer to the finish line.

I just looked over at the pretty woman that I luckily get to share my life with, and she opened one eye to greet me with an "I love you" look. You know the kind that you don't need words for? As I sit here writing this I ponder all that Lulu has indured to this point in time, and I know the I have one determined wife! I'm so relieved to see her get past this surgery.

School starts and we feel like it's a new year

Today I'm thankful for...
Being home and getting back into routines
Seeing everything in a positive light
Riding my bike in the woods up the mountain
Happy family

I'm so grateful to be getting into the new school year, and it seems that our family is starting out a brand new year? I know that as every new day begins that is a chance for each of us to start fresh. I wake up each morning thinking about not only how lucky that I truly I am; but also, how I can make this day just a little better then yesterday? I'm starting to see how my attitude makes all the difference on how my day will turn out. Now everyday is more special then the last.

Our family returned from the bay area Sunday night after a long weekend of doctor appointments and family/friends bonding time. Lulu had a appointment at the UCSF cancer clinic last Friday. Lulu had the usual blood test to check her estrogen levels, white blood cells, and the effects of the Sutent drug. Then she got her monthly shot of estrogen blocking drug in the infusion center on the 5th floor (this the the same area that Lulu had the weekly chemotherapy treatments). Then she had her appointment to see the oncologist and director of the trial drug treatment. The good news is that Lulu's estrogen levels are coming down from being very high the last few months. Hopefully if this trend continues, Lulu might avoid Ovaries surgery in the near future? On the not so good side the Sutent drug trial is reducing Lulu's white blood cell counts (neutrophils), and the oncologist was concerned enough to tell her that she should avoid contact with any person that is sick or could be potentially sick. This may be a cause for concern, since we are coming into the cold and flu winter season, and Lulu works daily on sick little patients in the office. We'll have to evaluate this more in the near future, of course, we want Lulu to be protected from preventable illness. Overall, we both felt that this appointment was very positive, but the complete blood test results will not be know until later this week?

Lulu's preparing herself for the Breast surgery next Thursday. She has said that she is excited to get the expander's replaced with the softer implants, but has some reservations about having the surgery. I can tell that she's worried, but is looking forward to getting this next phase of the recovery (implant surgery) over with. Who can blame her? I'm just glad that I can be there for her, and hold her hand through whole thing. We will be driving down to SF on Wednesday afternoon for her early Friday morning surgery time, and she is to discharged by Friday afternoon. We are hoping to be able to return to Reno on Friday night? I think that some of Lulu's family will be flying into SF to join her in the time that she needs us the most? I know that having as many friends and family around is very comforting for her, so I'm glad to have them. I know as the day approaches I will be even more concerned about the surgery and it's success (if that's possible, because it's continuously on my mind?). She knows that her praying network is vast, and that everyone will be saying a little prayer for her, or sending positive thoughts before, during, and after her surgery. There's comfort knowing that so many people will be with her in spirit.