I want my legacy to be "WHAT"?

Today I'm happy about...

Life

The world of changes

A strong aura

Happiness

Today was another long day, but less stressful then Monday was. I really get a lot of enjoyment out of turning sometimes scary, even petrified patients (and many times their parents) into fun, bonding experiences through using caring, love, and compassion for the little people that parents trust me with their dental care. There's always that challenge facing me daily, and seeing the positive effects that I have on both the children and their parents makes the long and stressful days fulfilling. I'm not sure that fully choose this profession? I think that a source stronger then I know guided me to this profession? I sometimes wonder about the choices that we make everyday; are they somehow planned for us already, could the choices we make day to day be choreographed? No matter, I know that I'm making a difference in many peoples lives.

Just a few weeks ago I was leading a team meeting at the office (On my last fishing trip I was hit with a revelation about the direction that I wanted to guide the Dentistry for Kids practice). I was sharing the new vision and core values with the team. I was trying to get everyone at the meeting to fully understand the power that we all have when we teach and share our knowledge with children; when I came up with the idea of having everyone write down what they would like others to say about them after they have passed from this life? I knew if I could get everyone to open up about what exactly is are purpose in this world, we could move onto the possibly more difficult task of how to go about creating a plan that would get us all there. I had all 12 employees get out a blank piece of paper (I told them what they write will be anonymous so they would be as open as possible) and write down what they would want their final obituary would say about them? (Wow, you talk about a powerful exercise. I recommend that you do this immediately, you might be surprised by what you write?) This was so enlightening for me that I want to share with you what I wrote that Friday morning;

October 21, 2050 Last night at 5:05 PM; J. Justin Wilkerson passed from this life to his eternal resting place as he peacefully slept in his home. J. will be remember be all for his commitment to changing people's life's and especially the children that he mentored, guided, and treated during his lifetime. Anyone who knew him well would remember his positive attitude towards life and the challenges that it brings. His work with the handicapped, disadvantaged, and the financially challenged, inspired many more persons than anyone could have ever expected. His charitable organization(s) will continue to help people for many years to come. J. not only wanted to make a difference in this lifetime, but he was determined to improve people's life's long after he was no longer physically present. He was fond of saying, "Only when we help others achieve their full potential, will we achieve ours." He is survived by his lovely wife of 43 years Luz (Lulu) Molina, and four grown children Carter, Thomas, Hamilton, and Lourdes and dozens of grandchildren. When you see someone in need, extend a helping hand and think about J. He will definitely be looking down over you and smiling upon your generosity.

With all that happened to our family this last year, this obituary just came to me. I have a plan to live my life by and guide me to the final result. I felt a large relief after writing that, because I knew now what my life was to be about. The next steps in the process are putting the pieces together to get me to the result. Not only was this exercise invaluable to me, but as it turned out a couple of the team members wanted to share their passages with everyone there. Talk about some emotional release. I could feel a new energy fill the room, and I was energized to lead the whole group to a new awakening. In the 11+ years we've been practicing as Dentistry for Kids I haven't came close to the emotions and trust that I have for the present team that we have.

Lulu makes decision on her breast surgery

Today I'm grateful for...

Sharing my life with a loving family

Having the ability to choose my future

Knowing more about Lulu's health

Being healthy

Lulu made a trip to SF for doctors consults about the upcoming Bi-lateral mastectomy surgery. Her appointment was scheduled at UCSF breast cancer clinic for 11:30 AM, and I wanted to go to the appointment, but Lulu talked me out of making the trip. We discussed not wanting to reschedule patients at the office, especially since there has been so many changes for patients in the last 6 months. So, I ended up staying here and working; while Lulu drove down with a good friend to the appointment. We also had to discuss whether or not Lourdes should go with Lulu or stay in Reno with Grandma? Lulu and I both felt that Lourdes should go along with mommy to her appointment. My day was long, mostly because I was eager to get the day done and get home to hear the news about Lulu's upcoming surgery. I was hopeful that the MRI taken last week would be interpreted positively by the surgeon, and that the tumors were no longer attached to her chest wall? The location of the tumors apparently was complicating the prognosis of the surgery, and we were all hoping that Lulu's tumors had made great progress with the chemotherapy treatment?

My hectic day concluded around 5:30 and I walked into the house to relieve grandma of the "babysitting" duties at 6. This was one of the evenings that we had dinner delivered to the house, and I couldn't have been more grateful this night. It has been so incredibly wonderful to have friends, patients, and family bring dinner to the house a couple of nights a week. Not having to worry about the shopping, cooking, and dishes has been a very nice bonus during this most stressful time. I served the delightful stew, salad, and rolls and the three boys and I sat down to a nice family dinner, minus the girls. (the boys really enjoyed the feast). After completing our evenings homework assignment, we got ready for bed and read from one of the favorites books Dairy of a wimpy kid, Dog Days (We have read all three of the book series at least three times now). I was so excited to hear the news about Lulu's day and after putting the kids to bed, I waited in anticipation for her arrival. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to Lulu's arrival time. The daylight saving time and a really busy day at the office has really tired me out and I retired to bed at 9:30 PM. The news would have to wait until tomorrow.

Here's some Halloween pictures of the family.

The end of Lulu's chemotherapy

Today I'm thankful for...

That Lulu has finished her chemotherapy

Beating this Flu

Holding Lourdes again

Hanging with the kids

What a long day for us yesterday. We left Reno at 6 AM to make it to UCSF in time for the first of many appointments. We arrived in the MRI department at 11;30 AM, after she had her blood taken for the standard required blood test. Lulu was concerned about getting this MRI, due to the fact that last time she had this done it was very uncomfortable for her, and she knows that she has to be in the MRI tube for almost a full hour. I didn't know this (I'm not sure she even knew this), but Lulu seems to be claustrophobic. Not something that bodes well with laying motionless in a small tube structure for 40 to 50 minutes. But she ended up doing fine, and as she laid there for the 50 minutes having her tumors imaged, Lourdes and I sat together in the reception area saying a prayer that the tumors have gone away in Mommies breast? Since they hadn't been prepared for Lulu's MRI we were 30 minutes late upstairs for the meeting with the Oncologist (seen here with Lulu and Lourdes), but they accommodated us and took Lulu and I right in for the consultation.

The doctor was very impressed with the reduction in sizes of the three tumors in Lulu right breast. By her measurements they measured 1.5-1 cm, 1-.5 cm, and .5 or less for the last one. What an improvements over 4-3 cm, 3-2 cm, and 2-1.5 cm that these foreign invaders originally were thought to be. As you can imagine we were very happy about the findings. Lulu ask some questions about the long term effect of the chemotherapy drugs, and then turned to discussing her thoughts on the up coming breast surgery. The oncologist spent some time reviewing the other parts of treating a type III breast cancer, like radiation, and hormone therapy. However, we learned of a newer drug regiment that Lulu might be a prime recipient of? After the findings of the surgery (what if any cancer is in the axillary lymph nodes, how defined are the margins to the breast tumors, and if and how much chest wall muscle must be removed) there would be enough information to determine whether or not Lulu might benefit from this new treatment? We asked if the oncologist wouldn't mind taking a photo with Lulu and Lourdes, and after Lulu got back dressed we scooted off to the genetic counseling appointment.

We had been anticipating the results of the BRC1 and the BRC2 genetic test that Lulu had blood taken two weeks ago. At this time I'm not feeling so well, and as I'm feeding Lourdes and shivering with a fever; I can't concentrate on the genetic results that are being discussed with Lulu. The only part that I catch is the part about Lulu being negative for the gene that is responsible for the mutations of the healthy cells into cancerous ones. Everything about the 40 minute appointment is a blur to me, expect for that fact. I want to scream out loud for joy, but think better of it, because just a minute earlier I finally got Lourdes calmed down and eating from the bottle. Lulu isn't a carrier of the dreaded gene. The day was getting better by the minute.

Something no less then miraculous happened to Lulu and I was us were leaving the breast cancer clinic on our way to the infusion center. We ran into Kate's mother and sister. I had been thinking about what might have happened to the young girl that Lulu had shared her early experiences with, and only once in the long grueling five months of chemotherapy did we see her? Lulu recognized Kate's mom right away, and said to me, "there's Kate's mom and that must be her sister?" I do have to say that the 20 some old girl had a lot of resemblance to Kate, dark silky medium length hair, striking underlying Asian facial features, and slight build. Lulu and I were so excited that if we could see and talk to Kate, we could at least find out about how she's been doing. Lulu approached the mom and ask, "aren't you Kate's mother?" As it turns out not only was this your mother, and sister, but that Kate's dad was here too. We spent the next 10 minutes catching up on things like, how's Kate been doing, has she lost her eye lashes, how many wigs and what type and color are they, how far along is Kate in the chemotherapy and what type of drugs has she been enduring? We mostly spent the time finding about Kate's treatment and her successes and failures in the last 5 months, all long wondering how we all got here? By some force of fate? Was this all meant to be? Don't you sometimes wonder how your life flows, and what events happen that shape it?

I wanted for Kate to read about Lulu's life, and her battle with this life threatening disease, so I quickly removed a DFK (dentsitry for kids) business card from my wallet and write the web address to Luz Molina's Journey blog and handed it to Kate's mom. I told her that if Kate wanted to catch up to Lulu's life with cancer and her prognosis; that I had been logging all the events here, and Lulu would love to have Kate contact her if she felt up to it? Then, as I almost forgotten, I remembered the friendship bracelets that our friends kids had made for cancer patients that we run into, and I retrieved one from the manila envelope to give to Kate's mom. I explained how we have these friends that wanted to help all cancer patients in their fight, and made these cards and bracelets to hand out as a sign of hope? I could see the surprise in Kate's mother's face. She was I'm sure thinking, are these people for real? With all they're facing, they are giving away hope bracelets and email/website information to help others. As Lulu and I left to get to her infusion appointment on the 5th floor, I know that I felt that I just changed someones life for the better. This is a felling that I know that I like, and each time it happens, I feeling a little more positive about the world we live in! I was just hoping that Kate would feel that way too?

I never thought I'd have four kids

Today I'm grateful for...

Having health insurance

Getting out of the house (first time in days)

Seeing my sister

Being with my wife for the last chemotherapy treatment

My sister is here to help us care for the kids while I recover from the Flu, and while Lulu and I trek down to SF for the chemotherapy treatment. We had originally planned on leaving today for UCSF cancer center, but I wasn't feeling well enough to ride in the car for four and half hours (plus I didn't want to expose Lulu and Lourdes to my infectious cough). So the plan is to leave bright and early tomorrow Friday so we can make the first appointment at 10 AM.

Lulu and Lori were bonding over my Halloween costume construction (I'm going to be Jack in the Box and the construction of the famed head is quite time consuming and technical). I can see that Lulu enjoys the companionship, and has been really sharing a lot of herself with my only sister. I've just been a bystander, but enjoying the day (as best you can coughing, hacking and not feeling very well). It's great to see my sister holding and feeding Lourdes. The two seem to have taken to each other, and Lori has been holding her for most of the day (Lourdes likes to cry a lot, so she is in someones arms much of the time). Many times the only think that can quiet Lourdes is walking her around and talking or better singing to her. She has a "more then usual" cry time from 6 to 9 PM daily. We haven't resorted to the top of the dryer or the drive around in the car tricks, as of yet. I watched the little angel girl from afar today, and I was wishing that I could hold and soothe her as my sister was doing. I just can't wait until tomorrow comes so I can take her into my arms, feel and hear her breath upon my cheek. Isn't that want Daddy's do?

I did get the chance to rough house around with Hamilton tonight, and I played a new game with Thomas too. (I made sure that I brought home some medical masks to protect them from my Flu symptoms). They both are hungry for attention. You can see that they want to play with anyone that is near, and even though I don't feel the best, I wanted to spend a least a small part of my day with them. I plan on using this weekend to catch up with the little time that I've been able to be a active father lately. I never imagined that fatherhood would be so rewarding? I look forward to the smallest moments that I have with each of the four maturing Wilkerson kids. I distinctly remember Lulu and I discussing the number of kids that each of us wanted to have. I was bordering between one and zero. I think that like most persons without children, I was scared to venture into the unknown of parenting. Would I be a good father? Could I change my single life and the priorities that come along with only worrying about yourself? I was never convinced that I could succeed as a parent, and that lead me limiting myself to no more then one dependent. Boy have I come a long way. I was the driving force in Lulu and I having our fourth child, Lourdes. As difficult as the last five months have been, I'm so elated that we had Lourdes and blessed that God choose us to be her parents. I just hope that I can live up to high standards that he has placed on me???

My 44th birthday

Today I'm thankful for...

Feeling better then the last two days

Flu medications

Soft bed

Loving caring wife

Yesterday October 20th was my 44 birthday. I woke not feeling so good (sore throat, deep cough), and by the end of the day I was running a fever, my body was aching, and I had a severe case of the chills. As soon as I was done with the last patient, I was out the door to get home to my bed and fight this. Today I'm feeling better, but still have a cough and slight fever. I'm thankful for when I'm healthy, because this being sick isn't much fun. I'm planning on taking it easy the next 24 hours, so I'll be ready to travel to UCSF for the last chemotherapy appointment tomorrow. I was thinking that maybe I'm lucky that the bug hit me yesterday, and not tomorrow, because if that was the case, I would have missed the trip down with Lulu. (maybe it was a higher intervention?)

My birthday was great (besides being sick). The team at the office got me a cake and card with many nice messages written inside. As for the patients, luckily it was one of those really smooth days where everything just seemed to flow just right. Today was also Hawaiian day at DFK, so everyone was dressed in their best Hawaiian shirts, or dresses. We even had one of the assistants wearing a grass hula skirt. I love how our office gets so excited about these kind of events, and I can tell the patients and their parents really enjoy it too. Last week we had pajama day, and the week before that was crazy hat day. (I wore my kids goofy hat that they gotten from Disneyland last year). We always seem to think of more crazy and fun events to make the practice just a little goofy and a lot of fun.

I'm hoping to get better real soon, so I can hold that Lourdes. I haven't really gotten a chance to care for her the last four days. I certainly don't want to get her sick, and I'll probably have to wait another day to hold, snuggle, and feed her?

Thanks again for tuning into our daily lives. We want to give you all a peek at what events are shaping the Molina-Wilkerson's.

Last chemotherapy treatment in four days

Today I'm thankful for...

A strong wife

Strength to think clearly about the future

Getting the opportunity to get away with friends for a weekend of fishing

My good health

Both Lulu and I are excited that this is the last week of chemotherapy at the UCSF breast cancer clinic. I'm hoping to make the best out of Friday's appointments with the oncologist, the genetic counselor, and the chemotherapy treatment. We have friends that made cute friendship bracelets to handout to the others receiving the cancer drugs at the infusion center. I will miss the interactions with patients that have been sharing in the journey of cancer. I really want to share these tokens of hope with as many patients as possible.

Lulu's says that she's been feeling pretty good going into the final chemotherapy treatment. She still is having numbness in her feet (a side effect of the Taxol drugs), and feels more tired then normal. Lulu went to a breast cancer survival meeting tonight, and she really thought that it was beneficial to meet survivors of breast cancer. Many of the ladies are 10 years survivors or more, and Lulu said that it's nice see other that have survived the trials of chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and hormone therapy. She's seeing the hope on the other side of all this treatment and surgery. I've been trying to be supportive with positive comments, help with the boys, and holding Lourdes often (that's really hard). I'm so happy that she has been doing better then anyone expected with the treatments, and is going to be ending this stage of the recovery. I'm just here to give love to the beautiful woman, Luz De Lourdes.