The Ritz-Carlton "going beyond expections"

Today I'm grateful for...
Having way more material things then I could ever need
Be blessed with making a lot of wise choices with my life
Looking for the good in everything
Thinking about my family

Today was a confusing one. Lulu, Lourdes, and I started our SF trip by dropping the older boys, Carter and Thomas, at their school and then leaving our minivan at the dealer for some repairs. We ere on the road by 9 AM, with lots to talk about in the 4.5 hours drive. As we passed through the town of Truckee, I found myself appreciating the incredible beauty of the Sierra Nevada mountains. We live in one of the most wonderfully scenic places on this planet, and I never let a moment go by while I'm traveling "over the pass" without finding ways to enjoy the beauty. I was soon was returned to the confines of the Prius by Lulu asking a question. She wanted to know about how that I felt about our relationship? I still find myself working improving my listening skills (my talking is still much more advanced then my listening) and I found talking about my true feelings. Anyway, it's always easier to talk about myself then to listen to Lulu. I can be selfish in that way. Damn me for controlling the conversation. Why can't I just keep quiet? What do I have to gain from telling more true feelings, and not listening to my wife's? Of all the things that I want to improve at, or have improved over the years, this is still a innate behavior that I find most difficult to improve. The last hour or so we sat in silence, both frustrated with sharing our feelings about our marriage, and also worried about what the medical appointments would revel today?

We arrived at the UCSF cancer clinic around 1:30 PM (Lulu's appointment was for 2). We checked in and showed off Lourdes to the staff. I can't think of any time I'm more proud then when I get to show off the cutest little girl in the world. We took our seat near a obvious cancer patient, because she had on a telltale head scarf, for what we were to find out was a very long wait for our turn. I know Lulu and I had discussed the questions she had for the reconstruction surgeon's. We were both excited about learning the game plan for restoring Lulu's health (we actually got back to see him at 4 PM, at least the 2 hours flew by)? Again UCSF was impressive in their choice of physicians to be caring for patients here. We had found out the this doctor was notorious for running behind schedule (we don't mind getting seen so late, as long as he's/she's that good)?

The doctor was likable, friendly, and thorough in his presentation (possibly this explains why he frequently runs late)? He talked about Lulu's options for reconstructing her breasts after the first surgeon removes them, he examined Lulu, and he drew some diagrams as he explained the various techniques to reconstructing breasts. I found that I liked this doctor as well as the others that have been caring for Lulu, and I could see that Lulu was impressed with him too. Lulu had excellent questions for him, and he spent the time re-explaining what could be done and the complications with each. I could see though she had confusion, maybe even overly informed about all the decisions that faced her. I felt for her, so much information to process, and the future she would have a wearisome number of days until coming to a final choice? As I sat holding and feeding Lourdes, I could only think of how far Lulu has come since first diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer. I did have that feeling of dread that I would normally have during previous doctor consults. I just keep thinking about the fact that Lulu and the doctors were talking about a future for her was exhilarating to me. Everyone was talking about how to look and feel good, not how to stay alive. You hear about very sick patients have a "turning point" in the recovery, and this moment I felt that Lulu had her "turning point" in her recovery?

Lourdes was being so incredibly good for us during this trip. On the car ride down from Reno, Lulu only had to ride in the back for a short time to feed her. Lourdes barely fussed or cried during the 4.5 hour car ride down. There was even a time during the trip that Lulu and I had forgotten that she was with us (until she cried out to remind us that she was along for the ride). I was so happy that Lourdes is healthy enough to make the trip, and was looking forward to Lourdes' first trip into the big world. I don't think that she was prepared for the evening ahead that was choreographed for us while staying over night in SF?

I have to tell you about the night we experienced while staying over night in SF. This is a story of kindness that warms your heart. Our whole evening was set up for us by a very caring person that we have come into contact through the office. This person through persistence and patience had make numerous calls to hotels and restaurants trying to find us complimentary overnight shelter. When she first presented us with the offer, I have to admit that Lulu and I were hesitant about the situation, but as the medical bills start to pile up we were open for trying. Little did we know this person would "pay it forward" with hotel reservations at the famed Rita-Carlton hotel in downtown San Francisco? We were to find out why the Ritz-Carlton is know as one of the premier hotels in the world, and for at least one night we would have more then a shelter over our head. When we arrived after Lulu's doctor appointment we were met by the hotel manager, Christoph Moje, and we were treated to a night never to be forgotten (I have this feeling that the Ritz-Carlton is routinely good at giving guests the nights of their lives)? I have to tell you that I have worked very hard to make Dentistry for Kids a"customer service company, that just happens to care for children", and I thought that we were pretty good at delivering that standard. Now I have learned that there is a whole other standard of service that can be provided. During our stay, I couldn't find a flaw in their product (and let me tell you I saw looking hard, under the beds, behind the doors, at the glass in the showers). They even made Lourdes feel welcomed with a soft terry cloth robe (the one's that I found the Ritz is famous for) fitted to her size and a baby safety kit to keep her safe during her stay. I couldn't have more admiration for this company. They certainly "go beyond expectations", and made our stay exceptional. Though, that's not all.

We were to have a unbelievable dinner (all complimentary, but we left a hefty tip) at the incredible Allegro Romano in the Knob Hill portion of SF. The Ritz had a car waiting for our family to whisk us to the the restaurant, and the driver chatted us up the whole way. As we arrived at Allegro (for those who don't know this restaurant is a favorite of Gavin Newson, the major of SF, and many of the SF Giants baseball players) the owner Lorenzo was waiting to show us into his famed restaurant personally. I think that Lorenzo might have the best Italian food I've ever eaten, and I dined while holding Lourdes in my arms a crossed form the most beautiful person in the world. What more could a 43 year old, slightly shy, man ask for?

When we returned to our room at the Ritz, we were surprised at what we found. Upon entering the room we were looking at some of the best chocolate covered strawberries ever. They were wearing tuxedos and all six of them actually looked as if they had just been born? On the bed was fresh rose pedals and there was a lovely candle burning a sweet erotic scent. I'm not sure if this is the purpose of the luxurious treatment that is provided by the hotel, but I couldn't help but think that I just had one of the best experiences of my life. I said a little prayer for all that the day provided us, and it wasn't hard for me to fall a sleep in the softest bed that my weary body has ever felt.

Learning to ask God for help in healing Lulu's cancer

Today I'm thankful for...
The power of prayer
Learning how to communicate better with Lulu
My love and appreciation for life
Getting to spend quality time with love ones

Tonight was the second part of the "Healing through prayer" at our Catholic church. I was thinking about tonight almost from the time I left the parish event the previous night. I couldn't stop wondering about how much more I could learn about prayer and by asking God to be involved in Lulu's healing? Would tonight's activities lead me further on my journey of daily prayer, or leave me wanting more as I walked out? Tonight, the church was again mostly full, and Lulu and I took a spot near a blond haired, middle aged woman toward the back of the church. Part of the enjoyment of the event is the wittiness, humor, and occasionally the plain eccentric behavior of the speaker and his wife. Their ability to relate their 30 years in the "healing ministry" thorough personal success stories really keep the audience on edge, waiting for the next confirmation of the healing power of prayer and God's ability to fill our life's with hope. Lulu and I found that to heal the root cause of ailments (like cancer) you must believe that Jesus (thorough prayer and belief) will enter her body and push out the abnormal cells invading her once healthy tissues. During the 2 hours ministry we held hands with numerous people inflicted with all sorts of ailments (cancer, back problems, breathing issues, arthritis, arms and shoulders, legs and feet, intestinal problems) and we prayed for the ailments to heal by the power of Jesus Christ. I know that the evening was motivational for me (you could say life changing even) and I could see all the hope that it was giving Lulu. We left there believing that Lulu cancer would all but be healed?

"God's power to heal" conference at the church

Today I'm thankful for...
Having a place to go and love (DFK)
Being able to walk without much pain in my back
The power of God and his ability to heal
Apple Pie (I'm eating as I write this)

Lulu and I just returned home from a "God's power to heal" conference at our church. I'm always impressed by the power of prayer and strangers reaching out to help. The church was filled to capacity, and everyone was eager to hear how they can be healed with spiritual beliefs. I saw a great thing tonight, and that is that when people believe in something strongly, anything is possible? There must have been 250 people believing that they can be a powerful healing force, and you could see the results. At one point in the conference we all turned to our neighbors and after telling our name, we said what was ailing us. We ask for God healing of the root source of our infliction. As I held Lulu's hand and prayed that Jesus would clear her body of what inflected her with the cancer, I believed that the prayer were working to rid her body of the dreaded disease. When the conference leader asked for attendees that need to be healed from cancer, Lulu raised her hand up high and all of us around her laid their hands on her and prayed for her healing from the infliction. I could see her belief in the power for masses praying for her recovery, and the whole experience was heart warming to me.

Tomorrow is the second part of the conference, and I can't wait to attend to see how much more is in store for us? I'm just thankful for the prayers of all that have been so thoughtfully laid upon Lulu. (and Lourdes). I can't really tell you how thankful that I am, but I want to you all to know that every time our family is touched by prayer we get stronger.

THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF US!!!!

Lulu's dealing with the chemotherapy drugs

Today I'm grateful for...
Lulu
The support of family
Sleeping through the night
Warm weather

As the weekend comes to a end, I've been thinking about how lucky that I am. I have been feeling great, and taking the supplements that I truly believe have relieved most of my back pain. I can't be thankful enough having all of body functioning without being in constant discomfort. As I watch Lulu go through the recovery from her chemotherapy, I'm find myself saddened for her, but thankful that I have what I do. Lulu has been having the same issues after the latest round of treatment; generalized body aches, muscle soreness, and that flu like symptoms. I have heard her complaining about the after affects of the drugs on her body, but I can see her struggling through each day. I try to make the day a little easier on her, but I find myself having difficulty with what is beneficial to her? I hope that she is feeling better by the time we need to return to UCSF for the all important surgery appointments on Wednesday and Thursday? I know that Lulu is looking forward to this weeks consultation with the surgeons, and I'm sure can't wait to get a better idea of what options she has for the impending surgery in November? Thank God for Lulu's body responding positively to Ibuprofen. I think that has been a life saver during this round of Taxol?

I spent a large part of the weekend with the kids and Lulu. The time just passed by so quickly. I never feel guilty about spending time with the family, and I just pray to God that I'll get many more weekends to share with the boys, and new little girl? They all are growing up so quickly, I'm afraid that I'm going to miss something?

I'm working towards that goal of 185 pds, before Lulu's surgery in November. I'm pretty sure that I've never felt this good physically, due to proper diet and exercise? However, swimming in the pool is over for 2009, we closed up the pool this last Friday (partly because of the cooling down trend coming soon, but also because the auto-cover broke towards the end of last week. I'll either have to substitute the swimming with walking the neighborhood, or use the inside treadmill or elliptical trainer (possibly both)? That's just fine with me, I was getting a little tired of swimming away from my demons in the pool. In any case, I'm going to step it up as by the calendar I only have 51 more days to accomplish my goal! (I have 7 more pounds to go).

Meeting George on God's terms

Today I'm grateful for...
Lulu getting closer to be finished with chemo treatment
Lourdes getting bigger and stronger daily
Eating healthier
Wonderful kids

Lulu and I just finished a conversation with George (he was here at the infusion center to support his stepson's chemo treatment), he is one of 19 children. He was a Hispanic looking 50 something friendly guy, that we easily struck up a conversation with (I only found out later that his ancestry was American Indian) We had a interesting talk about family and how he has 18 "best friends" to share his life with. Sometimes I think we as a society we look upon this many siblings as excessive or this mother couldn't have known about birth control, but I just learned that having a extended (and with this many kids, I mean extended) family can be more good then bad? George saw his brothers and sisters as a blessing, and spoke fondly of each of them. I learned that Manuel (second oldest, is inflicted with cancer and is battling to stay alive and doesn't have much time left), most of his family lives in the central valley of California, and most of the family started in the fields of strawberries as migrant workers. Just by George's recounting his youth (swimming in the irrigation canals, playing in the almond orchards, running away from the pesticide crop-dusters) I could feel the love for his family and the experiences they shared growing up. Families large or small, Hispanic or white, wealthy or poor aren't perfect. They are what we consciously make of them! If we feed the positives, we see and feel the relationship as warm and supportive. If we feed the negative, we start to see and feel the relationships as cold and we feel more withdrawn. No matter how simple this concept seems, I knew this meeting of George was meant to revive my sense of family! How do we see our relationships with siblings? What factors do we need to over come to straighten those bonds? I knew that Lulu was hearing the same message as I, because not long after our meeting with George were we talking about her sisters and how she loved their supporting during her treatment. I'm in tune with looking for these encounters as they attempt to tip toe through my life. I plan on grabbing a hold of as many of these character shaping phenomenons before they quietly try to escape!

I'm starting to understand that the time spent in the infusion center is more then just drugs been administered to cancer patients. The whole experience is a lot more then that. As I watched the nurses busily hustling around tending to their small flocks, I realized that Lulu was being healed by much more then cell altering substances infused into her body? She was being healed by forming close relationships and the companionship of survivors of some form of cancer. Someone you could share your experiences with and someone to tell your concerns to. The nurses most be hand selected to specially care for these cancer patients, they have the ability to be compassionate and very thorough with their care. I caught myself wondering how they recruit team players matching these values? Was there some secret? I just feel the healing of each patient that we share our experience with. I can better understand why Lulu was convinced that receiving her care here was best? I pray that she will be healed with the help of God, and the cancer center as his healing angels.

Trying to forget the cancer

This week I'm grateful for...
Getting away with friends for a weekend
Lulu feeling better
Kids liking the new school year
My back feeling better

As I'm sure that you have noticed I'm not updating this journal as regularly as before. I'm finding that working in and on the practice is very time consuming. Having a new born at home that's still trying to get accustomed to her surroundings. Lulu not feeling too well and spends much of her time tired. Taking care of the yard, pool, and house (I enjoy these tasks, but they're time consuming). I can't seem to find time to sit down at the laptop and peek out the daily trials and tribulations of the Molina-Wilkerson's.

Lulu and I don't spend the time we once did on her condition. She's voiced that she has been feeling better this week over last, and the flu like symptoms have mostly gone. Lulu's been staying active away from the office, and I've mostly given up on her slowing down to rest. I guess that her keeping busy helps her to avoid the fact that she is sick, so who am I to interfere with that? She isn't very excited to return to UCSF this Friday for her continuation of the chemotherapy treatment, but the positives are that she only three treatments from completing the regiment. I know that the November surgery is weighing heavily on her mind, and were mostly avoiding the subject. It's hard as a loving husband to know what should be discussed and what things probably are better left alone? We'll get a lot of intimate communication this Friday in the car on the trip down and back (like 9 hours).

Grandma and my brother's youngest daughter, Hannah, are here tonight helping me with Lourdes. Lulu has gone to a party at a friends house, and I'm taking care of the little one's. I've learned to accept any help offered these days, something I wish my independent wife could do more of? Lourdes hasn't yet learned to use her "INSIDE VOICE". She been quite cranky, cholic, and been exercising her vocal cords frequently. Even though Lourdes is close to 4 months old, she is actually developmentally like a new born, so we need to remember that is the normal behavior. I have been immensely joyful holding Lourdes, and being able to care for her as her father. I will miss these days soon as all the kids will be older, so I'm really absorbing every moment that I have with these guys.

I took a few days off to travel to eastern Nevada for a weekend of hard core fishing. (one of the guys I go with calls these yearly trips the "No stinkin' women weekend"). While I battled the Trout, and secluded myself in the middle of the lake, I got some thinking done. I came up with revelations about what direction that I wanted to take in the office. I have been frustrated and I feel that the office hasn't been following our vision statement that hoped to see us accomplish. I knew that we could become better at providing the parents and patients the "Going Beyond Expectations" factor, and I was invigorated with my new plan. I could wait to get back to Reno and research companies that provide and they are know for their explicatory customer service like; Nordstroms, Pottery Barn, and Zappos.com. How do these companies provide this day after day, and are known for the care they extend to their clients. I was to be on a mission to find this out and train it as part of the new Dentistry for Kids mission.

Grateful, but sad

Today I'm grateful for...
My mother-in law being here to help us through this difficult period
Hanging out with boys
Holding Lourdes (feeding her)
Lulu feeling a little better today

Lulu has not been too feeling well since her chemotherapy treatment on Friday. She's been complaining that she feels like she has the flu, and that her body is very defensive of the new drugs. She also is having hot flashes frequently. This evening she spoke that some of the symptoms have gotten better, and that she's called the oncologist about whether or not this was normal for the Taxol chemotherapy treatment? Apparently, Lulu was told that all these symptoms were to be expected, and she should get better within 2 or 3 days? I'm in awe how she's been handling all this. Many friends that have seen her comment that she looks so great, as that might be true, I know that she isn't always feeling as well as she looks. I'm really praying that the sickness goes away soon?

Lulu and I have been struggling a bit with our feelings for each other. I've hurt her feelings with some thoughtless actions this last week, and she and I are working on what it all means to our relationship? I'm sure the stresses that we've both been under lately haven't helped us in being able to deal with the feelings of self doubt? I know that we need to bare all the issues that "scare the hell" out of us; like, Lulu's health, her future care needs, success of the treatments and surgery(s), how we will care for the kids, what's going to happen at the office, and how we will address all our financial needs. Tonight we plan on putting the kids to bed soon, and spending time discussing these issues. (it reminds me of those monthly meetings we once had on finances and savings). We badly need some alone time to grow closer together, before we drift further apart.

Lourdes is really growing fast. When you hold her she makes eye contact, and many times she will look around the room trying to focus on any object within 3 feet. She has scratched her face a few days ago and has a ouchy right between her cutie, ocean blue eyes. We put her new swing together on Sunday, and she's found that it's pretty cool (and so do we think it's cool, because she's quiet while swinging). It's interesting how some babies love swinging and other cry when they are placed in one? It looks as if Lourdes is going to be one of the babies that likes motion to relax her? I feel slightly guilty, because I haven't been spending much Lourdes and Daddy time together lately. I'm hoping to make up for that the next two days now that I have gotten some of the pressing issues completed (and the others I'm putting on hold until next week). And also because Lulu's mom will be returning the Puerto Rico tomorrow.

I again want to express my sincerest gratitude for everyone that has either signed up or brought us dinner. My palate has been woken up! Also, for all that has offered or helped in accommodations for Lulu and I during our stays in SF for the treatments. Without the kindness of you all, we would have had a much tougher road to recovery. Thank you!

Depressive Abyss

Today I'm grateful for...
For the change of seasons
Spending most of the day with my oldest Carter
Holding and feeding Lourdes (along with writing this)
Watching Hamilton grow right before our eyes into a small boy

I know that it has been almost a full week since I started this second addition of the Molina-Wilkerson Caringbridge journal, but I've been battling some difficult emotions. I have wanted to put most of the weeks events onto paper, but can't seem to motivate the creative side of me. I've been bordering on falling into an depressive abyss, and the amount of stress on me is beginning to wear me down. A wife with huge health issues, a new baby that's taking some getting adjusted too, surgeries scheduled for November and December, a structural issue at the office that looks as if it will only be resolved with a law suit, a depressed economy and drop in patient numbers at the office, soon to have two of three doctors out of the office and only me seeing patients, tightening finances, a truck on the market that I need to sell to help pay medical bills, and the never ending staffing issues. Even a normally very positive person, as I am, can occasionally be dragged down by circumstances. As I type this though, I can feel the hopeful voice of the angel speaking to me about all the positive things presently in my life. He's was sent here to remind me that I have many great things to be thankful for like; having a back that's feeling better then ever, very healthy kids, lots of family and friends supporting us, a job to go to everyday (or the three days I work), food on the table, Lulu's cancer responding to treatment, a nice house to come home to everyday, and a healthier, skinnier me. Funny how we things seem the bleakest, for me, that's when I can see the clearest? We've had some really positive things happen this last week.

First, Lourdes is a women of the city. She's getting out almost daily. To Sunday mass, the bi-weekly Walmart trips, doctor's appointments, a trip to Lake Tahoe (though I don't think that she was impressed with the beautiful scenery there, seeing that she mostly sleep or cried?), and even to a party. Lourdes is beginning to fall into a better feeding sleeping pattern (we're getting up two times/night), and we joyful for that. She's growing up right before our eyes (Lulu's said that she is up to 8 pounds now). I can see her starting college already. Grandma Nelly (Lulu's Mom) has been getting a lot of quality time with Lourdes, but will soon be returning to Puerto Rico. It will be interesting to see how Lulu and I cope with her?

Second, I got to attend a dental meeting in SF on Thursday and Friday AM. Since Lulu was to have treatment in the city this week, I thought that it would be good to get some continuing education also? The California Dental Association was having their annual meeting at the Moscone Center downtown from Thursday to Sunday. Since we didn't want Lourdes to drive in the car for 4.5 hours, and we didn't have overnight sitting for her, we decided that Lulu would fly into SF on Friday AM. I picked her up at 10:30 AM after attending a workshop at the meeting, and then we proceeded to UCSF for a oncologist appointment followed by the new chemotherapy regiment (Taxol). The doctor seemed very excited about the tumor response to the previous chemo treatments. It was encouraging that the size of the tumors have again reduced in size, and that the doctor thinks that they may even shrink more? The following chemotherapy appointment went quite smooth (though this new drug is administered over 4.5 hours in comparison to the previous 3 hours route). One of the concerns for Taxol is; some patients have a allergic reaction to it, so they closely monitored Lulu as they administered this first dosage. Lucky for us, Lulu didn't have any problems with reactions this first time. They also gave Lulu lots of Benadryl preop that would hopefully lesson the change of her having a reaction to the drugs? The Benadryl put Lulu into sleepy land, and I was afforded the opportunity to socialize with the other cancer patients getting their medications.

I introduced myself to an older gentleman being pushed around in a wheelchair by the name of Charles. Charles was visiting the infusion center, as I would find out, because he was having generalized weakness and difficultly breathing after his previous day's chemotherapy treatment. I could see his guardedness as I first ask him some introductory questions, but I also watch as he began to thaw out the more that I spoke. And as I present him with a hand written and illustrated, "Wishing you well" card from Carter and Thomas, I felt and watch him bubble up with delight. I also, noticed that 15 minutes later the paramedics had to be called to assist him as apparently he became more distressed during his stay? I was praying for my new friend Charles was he was whisked away to be stabilized before he got any worse. I truly hope that he is doing well, and that I have a chance to see him again soon?

I haven't seen Kate since Lulu's first chemotherapy treatment, and I found myself wondering how she's doing? Is she having a positive response to the drugs? Is she almost finished with her chemotherapy sessions? How does she look in her wig? Is she holing up OK? I was somehow wishing that I had gotten her last name, then I could secretly ask around for her (secretly so as the HIPPA police don't bust me or the hospital staff for breach of information). I believe that one of Lulu's next three treatments we'll meet again? I hope that I will recognize her?

Lourdes baptism day

Here's the pictures promised from the "BIG DAY". It was as advertised, and everyone had a wonderfully great day. Lourdes was the model recipient for the holy water and the anointment. Lulu and I couldn't be more proud as her parents. Lulu is very worn out and I'm encouraging her to get a full nights sleep to recoup.

The priest Monsignor Leo McFadden, ask us to stay after the congregation left for the anointment (we all thought he was going to anoint Baby Lourdes) but to our surprise he was joining us all in a prayer to heal Lulu and her sickness. As he read for the passage, I started to tear up. I never expected this! I'm not sure how he found out about her cancer and the treatment she's been enduring, but the timing was perfect. I could see that Lulu was as touched by the gesture, than I (and maybe more)? This Baptism was for Lulu and I, as much as it was for Lourdes, but we never expected Lulu's condition would be a part of today's events. I guess that when you're battle a life treating disease, you never get rest or can escape the gravity of the circumstances? I can't express the love I felt for Monsignor Leo and his healing prayer for Lulu. The timing (with all Lulu's family present and also praying for her) couldn't have been better, and the message spoken had a indelible impression on us all! We feel blessed.

Lourdes needs surgery

Today I'm thankful for...
Having close family in town for Baptism
The caring support for Lulu
Lourdes having the chance to be welcomed into the catholic church
The coming of fall

Today is the "BIG DAY". At the 11:30 AM mass Lourdes will be accepting into the church through baptism. This is only Lourdes' second trip outside the house in the 3 weeks since she came home from the hospital (the other time was to see the surgeon for her hernia last Friday). I know that Lulu's concerned about Lourdes' developing immune system, and hoping that she won't be exposed to to many germs? The service will be beautiful. After her baptism, we will be celebrating her membership in the church with a reception luncheon at a local restaurant with family and friends.

We learned during our visit to the pediatric surgeon on Friday that Lourdes will need surgery to repair her hernia. We know that she had a hernia ever since the NICU days at St. Marys, but we did realize that it would have to be surgically repaired? With all the medical issues we been dealing with lately, this new revelation seemed to be quite minor? Lulu and I just accepted the diagnosis as necessary, and that in relation to all she's been through, this is just a small hiccup in her short life? We strategically scheduled her surgery for mid-December, and left the appointment feeling very optimistic about what was to be. I think that we just want to have concrete dates and believable expectations, and then we can put all our energies to getting through these life's interruptions.

Lourdes is growing everyday. She's just beginning to alter her sleeping patterns (last night Lulu and I got to sleep uninterrupted because Doris (Lulu's older sister) took care of her during the night). Lulu and I needed an got some rest, everyday has been very busy and stressful, working up to this most anticipated event. I whole week was spent planning, shopping, and organizing the baptism for today. After the church and reception, the ladies will be getting together for a "baby shower" at a good friends house. Fortunately, for the guys we are left out of these festivities this time (the other showers have included the men as some new idea that Lulu came up with). So, the guys will be entertaining the kids by having a swimming party at the Wilkerson's home. Should be quite the busy day?

Yesterday Lourdes spend being held by various family. Many of the family have only seen pictures of her up until now. I guess that you could say that yesterday was her coming out party? She tolerated the whole experience well, and just seemed to sleep through much of the day. I know that I've mentioned this many times before, but Lourdes is just the most beautiful thing that I have ever set my eyes on? I love her in a special way, different from the way I love Lulu or the boys (sometimes I surprise myself with the amount of love I find myself having). I've started this routine of writing this journal with Lourdes laying a crossed my chest, breathing her sweet baby breath on my face, and warming me with her soft baby skin. She inspires me to document all of the details of the Molina-Wilkerson's life's for the future enjoyment of our growing family (and also so friends, family, and patients can learn more about us). One day the kids will be grown (hopefully have kids of their own) and they can all read about the events that shaped their families love each other?

I will be posting pictures and writing more about the "BIG DAY" Sunday September 6, 2009, in the next day or two. I'm really excited to show off the beautiful, little snugly girl to the world. I will be the very proud Daddy with the big grin on his face.

Our wedding day

Today I'm grateful for...
My back feeling better
Getting exercise
Going shopping with the boys (to get SYNERGY drinks)
Going shopping with the boys (to get Yogurt for the boys)

This is an off week for Lulu and her chemotherapy treatments. Lulu had worked out taking a week off, so she could celebrate Lourdes' baptism and the baby shower. We will be having lots of family come into town (and into our house) this labor day weekend. When we planned to have Lourdes baptism on this date, we didn't know that she would be fighting this cancer? But everything is working out perfectly for the two events in the same weekend, since family is coming from places like Puerto Rico, Texas, California. Lulu will be resuming her treatments on September 10, 11th. The next 4 treatments are with a different cancer drug, Taxol. Our understanding is that Lulu will be in the infusion center for about 4 to 5 hours for these treatments (the AC were about 3 hours). Also, we were told to expect Lulu would have some tingling in the hands and feet starting after the second course of Taxol drugs. I think that she's ready to plod her way through this next phase of treatment? I know that I'm eager to see her get cancer free.

Today I was think about Lulu and I's wedding day. I'm not sure why the event of us joining life's in April 1997 was nagging my mind, but I just couldn't get away from the thoughts of wedding bells and throwing rice. Lulu and I were married in San Juan, Puerto Rico on April 27, 1997. I had a good idea of what I was getting into in my relationship to Lulu and my relationship to her family, but I had no idea of what it meant to be married in the Puerto Rican culture? I knew from an early age (as far back as high school) that if I was to ever get married; my wife would have to be independent, and want to work outside the home, and want to share in the homestead duties. I remember that I had this rule for dating, so I would be assured of finding this type of woman. I expected my girlfriends to offer to pay for some part of the date at least by the second time we went out together. I figured that was my signal to meeting that "independent" person that I was looking for? (it worked, boy did I get my wish and then some).

I didn't imagine that my wedding would be as time intensive and grandeur as it turned out to be, and I wasn't prepared for the whole experience. I remember making suggestions to how, where, when, and who might be part of this glorious day; however, I was to find out that weddings are the coming out party for the female, and the future husband pretty much just shows up and looks pretty? I found that most of the decisions about how the wedding should be carried out have been made (at least for Lulu) during the fiancee first 28 years of upbringing. I would be lying if I said this whole process didn't sadden me a bit. I had envisioned Lulu and I sitting down together to discuss the intimate details of who would share in witnessing the start of our lives together, the reception details, and the priest that would join our hands in marriage. But Lulu had envisioned her making all the plans with her Mom, and sisters. I took my place (get the tux, and be prepared at this specific time), I just had to make it through those 5 or 6 months up to the date, and then survive the "big day". I was dreading that April spring day in Puerto Rico.

I had a great wedding day. As it turned out the our marrying day was not only tolerable, but a very enjoyable event. Besides those small unforeseen happenings, like the fact that the rental shoes for my 10 year old nephew, Lancie, were adult 12's not child 12's; most of the the Wilkerson relatives were all late for the church (we were exploring the island and lost tract of time), and many of us didn't have the time to shower before barely getting dressed and then hustling off to the wedding mass half way a crossed San Juan (a city of 2 million); I forgot the bride's wedding ring in the hotel, and a good friend missed the first half of the ceremony taking a hour long round trip taxi ride to rescue me; and Lulu's father falling a few days before the wedding and breaking his pelvis (he made it to walk Lulu down the aisle with a cane and a painfully slow hobble). All in all the day was one to remember, and I will never forget the way Lulu looked as we danced that first dance in front of many people that I had just met today. Lulu didn't pull her hair up for the wedding, I had only known her with straight medium length black hair, so I was pleased to see that she had left her hair alone. I just wished that our first dance as husband and wife would never end. I couldn't wait to get our lives together started, alone. It took us years to payoff the wedding expenses, but well worth the expense, and we never tried to think about the cost.

Thinking about how stressful this all was, and how if we could do this wedding thing again, we would enjoy the festivities (and each other) so much more. I thought, why not do it all again? Two and a half years will be our fifteenth wedding anniversary, and what a better time to return to Puerto Rico and renew our vowels in front of family and friends? I mentioned this to Lulu and she almost shouted with joy. I could see her planning the "big day" as soon as she is feeling better? I just hope that I get to be part of it this time? I know that the day will be special. Who knows maybe more special the second time then the first?

Make someone's day special

Today I'm grateful for...

Lourdes growing bigger and stronger everyday

Great team members of Dentistry for Kids

Having a birthday party for Lourdes (3 months)

Loving boys

I ask Lulu what she thought would be good to put into the journal today? She said that I should give thanks to all for the prayers and well wishing, and for me to tell everyone how thankful we are. We both truly believe that the prayers being said for both Lourdes and Lulu have helped us to get through this difficult time, and we believe that with continued support everything will turn out great? Lulu and I had a meeting with Dr. Zeff on Sunday to talk about Lulu's future in the practice. With her being diagnosed with breast cancer, we were unsure about what her long term prognosis was going to be? We won't have the all the details of the extent of the cancer until she has her surgery in November; however, we do know that she could at least do some examinations by February. Lulu really wants to return for the love of her patients, so we collectively made the decision that we were going to resume scheduling her with recare patients starting sometime in February 2010? I could see the happiness pouring out of her after this decision was reached. She misses the office, patients, team members, and doing kid dentistry. I'm glad for her, and I just pray that the surgery in November is successful, so she can resume practicing?

Lulu also told me that yesterday was a tough day. She has mostly good days, but on occasion she feels a little down. Yesterday she said that she spent part of the day thinking about the upcoming breast surgery, her diagnosis, and her future battle. She was thinking about how long her recovery from the surgery would be, and if she's going to be able to have full movement of her right arm (the surgeon is concerned about the masses in the right breast and how involved in the chest muscles they are)? Lulu has a strong outer shell, but like all of us she is human and has ups and downs. I so know one thing, no matter what I'll be there for her whether she's having a up day or down.

I also want to acknowledge everyone that's been signing up and bringing our family dinners. They have been so great, and the variety of meals so far has varied greatly. Lulu and I have loved each and everything that has been delivered. Thank you so, so much. Lourdes continues her growing (and crying). Lourdes still thinks that when the sun is up it's time to sleep, and when it's down it's time to keep your parents awake. She's feeding at regular intervals (like every 4 hours), and is consistent in the amount of formula that she drinking. Honestly though, I look forward to the alone time during the night that comes with her being three months old now. Speaking of that, we celebrated Lourdes' three month birthday tonight by giving her a cupcake with one candle and signing her happy birthday (I'm not sure why we were celebrating her three month birthday, and not the one or two month birthdays)? I'm happy that we are celebrating any birthday with this little girl. (I was reminded how fragile those first few days of her life were). Funny how I used to avoid celebrating birthdays (especially my own), but I now know how special each one is, and I want to cherish everyone of these moments. Life is just a little sweeter when you face the reality that every day is special and maybe the most difficult tasks are making the decisions that can improve the length and quality of our lives.

Make your next day special. Hug someone. Listen to someone. Do a good deed, just because. Smile at someone you don't know. Spend time with someone that you haven't seen for a while. The possibilities are endless, be creative. We all can make a difference now, don't wait for tomorrow.