I can't sleep thinking about tomorrow

Today I'm thankful for...
Having a healthy baby girl
Spending time with the kids
Being upright and mostly pain free
A future that looks brighter everyday

I can't sleep! It's not the baby girl Lourdes keeping me from my rest. I just have so much I've been thinking about. The practice and what the future holds for Lulu and I, how will Lulu fit back into the office after a year long break from dentistry, how much more treatment will we both have to endure to beat this cancer, how are the kids coping with mom's illness, and most importantly how do Lulu and I not allow the disease to tear up our marriage? I guess on the positive side the late nights allow me uninterrupted thinking sessions. How often does that occur when you have four young ones under 9 years old? When Lulu's gone like these last two weeks, I'm in tune with Lourdes' sleeping habits. Which means that I hear every cough, squeal, and tussle that she makes during the night; thinking that she needs her daddy (and sometimes worse thinking that she needs her mommy?). Sometimes after she and I do the bottle, I just position her in the bed so I can see her sleep. There nothing that can make a parent feel more important then watching your 8 month old sleeping a few inches from your face? As I watch her, I can't stop thinking about how far she's come in these 8 short months. Starting life at 2 pounds, and with a passion for fighting. Lourdes has exceeded everyone's hopes and has now become a focal point for hope in our life's. I feel lucky to be alone with her for these nights. I know that she will not be this small for long, and I have to enjoy every second before there gone.

I received two phone calls today offering to help our family with school lunches for the boys, bring the family dinners, and a possible fund raiser to help with some of Lulu's treatment costs. There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by that we aren't blessed with cards, prayers, and help from someone that just wants to help. The kindness makes me think about how I can give back to the community (or world)? Yesterday while working through my patient day at the office, I found myself thinking about just this proposition while I was treating a young patient in my chair. This young man's mom had ask me if I knew of some other office that could care for him since he has a state paid insurance that our office is not a provider for (he has some health issues that have burdened his family with what I assume are health medical bills)? I knew instantly what I was going to do; treat him without regards to money. I have done many cases through the years pro bono, but this time it feel just a little sweeter. I love what I do so much that I would do it for a other gratification then to see the smiles on the kids faces (not to mention the parent's faces). My new goal to pay it forward, every week I'm going to care for a child independent of whether or not the practice gets financially reimbursed. As I see it, I'm paid back more then you can imagine with smiles and knowing that I have changes kids lives. I'm on a mission to think about what I can do everyday to make the world a better place. I think it's the least I can do to repay the love and support that everyone has shown our family during this emotional period.

After reading Andre Aggasi's book, Open, I'm inspired to think about taking all my thoughts and putting them into a book? Obviously, I'm not a high profile tennis great that was number one in the world, and once married to Brooke Shields, but I have been thinking that giving others though provoking hope that will encourage them to find a higher level of happiness could not the very least give me satisfaction? Aggasi's book focuses on how much one person can change when facing life's pressures whether on a tennis court, or becoming a father, but mostly by the fact that we can change a child's life by providing hope for a brighter future. He started a foundation to develop at risk young persons in his hometown of Las Vegas, and through this foundation he raised enough money to start a charter school in one of the more seeder parts of the city. He writes how much the success of these kids fuels his satisfaction in life, and how he can keep on providing the changes that will help so many more kids to reach a potential that they otherwise might have never known. How rewarding, and who would have ever guess that a self centered, brash, young tennis star could ever rise to the level of stardom in the court of changing kids life's? From his book, I know he didn't!

I plan on spending this weekend and through Monday and Tuesday of next week with Lulu and the kids in San Francisco as a family. It will mean that we will have taking the boys out of school for two days, but I think under the circumstances it's warranted? I want us to all be together, and I think that it will be good for the boys to see why there mommy needs to be away so much lately? I'm constantly wondering what will be the effects of all this on their physiological well being, but I know all that we can do is be open, answer their questions, and listen to them closely. I like to think that they will become stronger human beings from all that has happened lately? I see the love that they have for each other and I thank Lulu for bringing that into our family (except when they're pounding on each other and every one ends up crying). This is all to surely bring our family closer together and definitely strengthen our faith in God.