Surgery number three on Lulu's breast

Today I'm thankful for...
seeing the great qualities in everyone
being there for my family
good, caring, and responsible kids
my health

The third surgery on the Lulu's right breast happened on the afternoon of Friday Oct. 29th. After spending the week in the hospital on the IV antibiotics the surgeon made time in his schedule to operate on Lulu Friday at 11 AM. There was a lot of discussion about what needed to be done during this surgery. The implant was to be removed and the tissue cleaned and re-sutured together so it can heal properly. The tension on the tissue was thought to be too much for the radiated tissue to stay sutured together, and the best treatment for Lulu was to just remove the implant and start again with either a new tissue expander or nothing at this point? After waiting for Lulu to finish in the operating room, I was told that she had preformed beautifully during the 2 hour surgery, and she was our of the recovery area at 2:15 PM. I walked her to the same room that she had been in for the week, so she could continue her recovery.

Lulu is so tired of the routine of trips to SF, hospital stays, feeling sick, not being able to hold her little girl, and the time away from her kids (not to mention the time out of the office and not being able to care for the patients). I even caught her in a "feeling sorry for herself" moment the morning of her surgery (these moments are becoming more frequent with the continued struggles with the poor heal that she's enduring). It's hard to second guess someone who's about to go through their third surgery in the last 60 days. Not only that fact, but also Lulu will need at least one more surgery (and probably two) in 4 to 6 months to replace the implant that is causing her so much grief? I can see that with each complication, surgery, and recovery that Lulu is wearing down both physically and emotionally. I have been thinking of how to build up her strength emotionally, because this lady only has a sliver of the strength that she once possessed. I feel as if I have let her down? I have been saying with each surgery (or other medical event) that she's beat this and everything from now on will be better, but it seems that there's always more that creeps into our life's? I truly know that one day soon everything will past us by and the days will be filled with positive feeling and a new revitalized wife; however, until then we just have to have faith in God that he will give us the strength to make it through.

Before Friday's surgery I returned to Reno to spend a overnight with the kids. Lulu and I felt it best for me to return and spend a evening with the kids and take them to school in the morning. Both of their parents being away for this length of time can really emotionally effect the kids? (not to stay the effect that it has on us too). I found the drive home by myself was very lonely, and it seemed to take forever? I did manage to make it in time to pick up the older kids from school, and then pick up Lourdes and Hamilton for a evening of piano lessons, fast food dinner, and then an evening at home playing together.

The night flew by and before I knew it the kids were in bed, fast asleep, and I was trying to catch up a past due tasks before heading off to bed so I could turn around and drive back to be with my wife. After taking the boys to school and finishing some errands, I found myself making the 4 hour drive back. During the whole drive I had the old familiar feelings of losing my wife to this terrible disease return to my mind. My mind was racing with the what ifs. What if the cancer returned? What if Lulu couldn't came back to the office and work? What if she could never again live without the pain? What if I was left to raise four little kids alone? As I passed through Sacramento and on to Davis I soaked the steering wheel of the Prius with my salty tears. I felt guilty for crying, but could hold back the emotions that I was feeling. I just all seems so unreal. Like I'm caught in someone else's nightmare? I had no choice but to pull it all together and continue my drive ever closer the hospital. With only hours before another surgery for my battling wife, I pulled into the parking garage at the clinic, and said a little prayer as I got out of the car to face another seemingly insurmountable challenge with my wife. Walking in the the hospital I found myself thinking of only impending demise for all of us on this planet. That the most precious thing that all of us have is time (and following close behind is our health). I renewed a promise to myself to spend as much time with my love ones as humanly possible?

I walked into room 421 (her room for the week) with a mission on my mind; be strong, love all those around you, and take the time to be there for your family. No day is more important then today, and don't take tomorrow for granted. I saw Lulu in the bed with IVs hanging next to her bed and I knew that I needed to live those commandments from this day forward. I gave her the biggest hug and kiss that I could muster, while the whole time thinking of how my life has been changed forever!