What's going on?

Today I'm grateful for...
Being healthy and fit
Strength from those around me
Love that I share with my wife
Freedom to choose my days

I hate to start off my blogs with the negative news of the day, but I'm going to make the concession this one time. Lulu is having right breast infection issues again. Last night as we were returning from a rainy weekend in Sacramento with the kids, I later found out was having pain with her incision area of her breast. When we had arrived home after 8 PM I heard hear crying on the phone to my mother about needing her help with the kids early the next day, because she needed to be seen by the doctors at UCSF and needed to leave quite early. This was news to me, and I immediately went into panic mode. I encouraged Lulu to give me the details and she indulged me that the 5 or 6 sutures in her right breast had released and that the area was painful and swollen. I ask her how long she had noticed this because this is the first time I knew anything about it? She said that she had noticed an issue on Saturday afternoon, but didn't want to cry wolf, and figured that it was just part of the healing process or maybe she had sleep wrong? But today when the incision opened up, and the implant was visible through the wound and painful. She got concerned.

Lulu had apparently spoken with the resident surgeon at the clinic about the new development, and after he had a chance to see the photo Lulu sent to him, he insisted that she be seen tomorrow (Monday). After my panic attack and getting the kids into bed, I wanted to talk to Lulu about the "next steps"? She told me that they would like her at the UCSF cancer clinic by 2 PM Monday, and that she could drive herself to the appointment? I have to admit that I was torn about what her needs were from me? I have been present in all but two appointments with her in this last 18 months, and even those I was saddened to not be there for support. So even though she thought I should stay in Reno to see the patients at the office (my scheduled patient days were Monday and Tuesday this week), I really want to be with her, supporting her, and caring for her during this most stressful time. (I think that we both know the gravity of the situation?) We came to a mutual decision that I should be with her for the evaluation and whatever treatment that she was going to need next? (we're both sure that the next steps will at the very least involve another surgery, and possibly a three or four day hospital stay for IV antibiotics?) I spent the evening comforting her that everything will be OK, but honestly what do I know? I thought after the original implant exchange surgery that everything would be OK, and now she's looking at a second hospital stay for treatment of the infection, and a third surgery to repair the non healing breast. How comforting can one be when you're questioning the what and why all this is happening to your loved one?

So far everytime we thy to put the complications of Lulu's cancer and it's aftermath behind us; it jumps back out to bite us? Why can't she get a break? I also know that doubt has crept into Lulu's mind about the treatment she's receiving for her reconstructive breasts? Have the doctors done all they can to prevent the infections, was the radiation treatment too close to the implant surgery, could she have been too active during her healing phase? I think that everyone would agree that when things just aren't falling your way, you start to analyze the small details, and you begin to wonder what else could have been done? I feel so sorry for my wife, and I can see how all this unsureness, infections, and surgeries have been taking a toll on her mentally. I just need to stay strong for her until she makes it through this most difficult time. That's easy to stay, but much more difficult to do.

I'm going to be praying for a little extra help tonight. We both need strength to pull us through this, dare I say, a set back again? Please send your thoughts and prayers our way, this just might be shaping up to be our neediest hour?