Two birthdays, and a trip to San Francisco

Today I'm grateful for...
Soon getting back to the routing of kids in school
Watching my youngest do wonderful new things everyday
See my oldest celebrate his 10 birthday
Sunshine

Lulu had her 42 birthday this last Sunday, and it seems that all went well? Early in the morning Carter and I snuck out of the house for the store to get a cake, candles, and flowers (we got there so early that the store wasn't even open yet). I truly love the bonding time with each child that I occasionally get. Any of you that have more then one child, I'm sure, can relate? That solo time that you get to get bond with that one child is sacred. Carter is such a good boy, so thoughtful, and concerned about doing the right thing. Sometimes you wonder if you're raising your kids properly, and when you see them in action, you get validation. Carter picked out the flowers, birthday card, and then the cake for his Mom. I was thinking the whole time how much I would love to have my kids pick all the special items that go along with a birthday. That want makes the day so special. After picking up some really good looking (who knows how they going to (taste?) donuts, I was so excited to get back home and share the day with Mommy.

Later on Sunday I had the chance to spend the afternoon with my wife alone, and we shared a very nice dinner and movie. Though I think that the movie was one of the worst that I've seen in years? Lulu and I have a tradition of going to Sterling's restaurant in the Silver Legacy. They have a dessert that is to die for, Bananas Foster. Both of us love how they cook it up at your table, and the whole restaurant is looking at you as the flames bast the bananas golden brown. We thought that we might have a difficult time eating the confection, after the meal, but we seemed to finish off most of it? I really thought the whole day was great and if it was my birthday, this would be exactly what I would have loved my special day to be like. However, since this was Lulu's birthday, not mine, I was hoping that this is what she had in mind?

Carter also had a birthday this past week. He turned 10 on the 15th. We told him that we would take him out for the dinner of his choice, and he really wanted to go the the Melting Pot. I think that all the kids love to cook their own food in the garlic oil? So after work on Wednesday we meet at the restaurant and had a family birthday dinner to celebrate a decade for our oldest. Such a nice time had by all of us. We will be having a birthday party for him with his friends next month once school has started.

Tomorrow the Molina-Wilkerson family will be taking a trip to San Francisco so Mom can get some treatment at the UCSF cancer center. Lulu is getting a shot of Estrogen blocking medication, and blood tests to check the effects of the Sutent cancer medication. They might be doing a whole body scan to evaluated the pain that she's having in her hips? This is the first time since last Winter that we've taken the kids down during Lulu's treatment. I'm glad that they have a chance to see what their Mom must go through each month to fight the cancer. I think that it's good the boys see that Mom has more treatment to better her condition, but also see that she is healthier and improving daily. At least we are down to once a month trip to the clinic. Down from the once per week (and sometimes twice per month) they we made last year. One day this will be just a memory of the past, and I'm not sure that we will look back on 2010 fondly, but we will have memories of the recovery that Luz DeLourdes Molina made from Breast cancer.

Healthy lifestyle changes for the Molina-Wilkerson family

Today I'm thinking about:
My family, and how very lucky I am
Having enough resources to make decisions about how to spend my life
Watching my daughter learn to walk
More beautiful summer weather

Today Lulu went early to the office to start the week caring for the kids teeth at the office. She seems pensive going out the door? I know that Monday's can be a little stressful (will everyone be in the office ready to go, how many kids fell during the weekend and now need emergency care, will all the equipment, computers be working properly, not to mention the stresses of looking for a new Director of Administration for Dentistry for Kids). Monday's just have more stress inherently built into them, so hopefully this is all that was on my wonderful wife's mind? Sometimes I think that she just can't wake up not thinking about her life and how cancer has changed it? Who wouldn't be consumed by the fact that just one year ago (before the cancer diagnosis) life so very different. Before cancer one of the biggest worries in our life was are the boys prepared for school, do we employ the right mix of staff at the office, is everything with the partner dentist working out, and what the family plan for the next year was going to be? Now were consumed with when is the next appointment for Lulu in SF, how she is tolerating the various treatments, and not what we're doing in the next year, but more about what we're doing the next month? Today is the most important day. Tomorrow is just not as important as today, and what happens next week can wait. I know that we have discussions about our feelings today, because we have control over today and how we feel and act. Every morning I give thanks to God for today, and tell him that I will be the most positive, construction, and loving person that I can be. I know that when I do this the day's we be fruitful and happiness will find me!

Both Lulu and I are really committed to the healthy, anti cancer, diet. We only drink blended juices for breakfast and dinner, and a healthy solid lunch. Salads are a large stable of the lunch menu, but occasionally we will eat something as bad as Sushi. The organic celery, carrots, kale, cucumbers, tomatoes, spinach, you get the idea. At first the dietary changes were a little tough to swallow; however, we have managed to be in the position of not having the cravings for other foods that we would have been partial to six months ago. I know that Lulu's been trying exercise regularly, but he is limited by the painful feet that she is plagued with. I mentioned to her that she might want to try swimming (its so low impact), but Lulu isn't a real big swimming sort of person. I have been training for a August Xterra event in Incline Village, and my new found hobby, mountain biking, has been my passion for the last two plus months. The beautiful trails that we have access to are so much fun, and the exercise is pretty great also. I have been riding as many times a week that I can (averaging 3 times/week). I'm not super keen on the running and swimming part of the Xterra, but unfortunately they're part of the whole event. I know that I'll keep looking for more inspiring trails to ride, and new mountain biking challenges to seek out. I have been feeling better then ever, and now trying to get my wife into something that she can not only improve her health, but also enjoy enough to stay at it for years to come?

Lulu's feet hurt

Today I'm grateful for:
Motivational stories to guide me
Four inspiring children
Feeling better then I have aright too
A long, warm, sunny summer

I can't believe that it has been over a month since my last journal entry? Where has the month of July gone? The Wilkerson family has had a great summer and August promises to be even better. We have two birthdays to celebrate this month, both mommy, and Carter. It's beyond comprehension that I have raised a soon to be 10 year old boy. I look at Carter and see many attributes of not just myself, but of Lulu too. I'm really not sure where he got his voice though? Neither Lulu or I can sing, but Carter can carry a tune and he is interested in singing. Lulu will be celebrating her 42 birthday on August 15. I'm not sure how she feels about the big day, but I now from experience that she really enjoys the excitement of the birthday event (whether it's her own or others). I just feel lucky to be there to see her 42 birthday.

The family spent a few days in San Francisco while Lulu and her older sister, Doris, were seeing the doctors at UCSF cancer center. Doris just wanted the same doctors that are treating Lulu to follow her heath. She had them look at her mammograms, blood tests, and do an exam. Nothing can motivate you more then seeing a loved one go through preventable cancer treatment? Doris' heath was found to be excellent. Lulu's appointments were a little more eventful.

Lulu has been taking the bone marrow treatment medication Sutent for just over 40 days now, and one side effect has been plaguing her since the first few dosages. Her feet became pain full at the end of week one, and until she stopped the medications they weren't getting any better. Lulu and been dealing with the foot issue for two weeks, but was having a difficult time walking more then one hour a day, so when she just couldn't handle it any more she called the oncologist for advice. The doctors recommended that she stop the Sutent and see if her symptoms don't improve? I think they both her and I were surprised that she could stop the drug even for a day or two. Would this cause a decreased effectiveness for the trial? Luckily, lulu's feet issues cleared up within a day period and she was able to start back on e drug soon after. Three weeks later, she still having foot pain, but not enough to interrupt her taking the drug. The doctors did recommend that the original drug dosage to be reduced by half. At the last doctors appointment (July 27), Lulu had her blood tested, examination done, and consultation on mostly the side effects of the drug treatments. As of this date she was taking Sutent, oral chemotherapy drugs, Hypothyroid drug, Synthroid, and daily Ibuprofen. Besides the feet issues, Lulu has been having hip pain, and she was describing the symptoms (severity, length of time, and when it gets worse)? After hearing Lulu's explanation the oncologists was concerned enough to recommend that she has a full body scan. This took me by surprise, because I thought that the foot issues were the biggest problems that she was facing, but now I learned that her hips were equally painful?

Lulu's reconstructive surgery is just a month away. On September 2nd. Lulu and I will be traveling down to SF for the "put Lulu back together surgery". Though she's not as concerned about this surgery as she was about the cancer surgery in May, there's still some apprehension approaching September 2 date. The surgeons will be replacing the expansion appliances with breast implants during the 3 to 4 hour surgery. We will be staying there for 2 nights and most of 3 days for the whole thing. Coordination of the whole surgery date has been a big deal. Who cares for the kids, coverage of the office, where to stay for the surgery, the recovery period, and such have been the topic of discussions lately. One thing that I have really learn to do with all that Lulu and I have faced this last year is to allow my wife time to plan and the ability to change her mind without getting upset. She deserves a lot of support and understanding form me, and it's asking very little to give it to her. This next month (maybe more), will be just another step in the recovery process from breast cancer, and closer to being cancer free for life.

I have just finished another fun, inspirational, and motivational book on my iPhone. I just have to share with you. The author Tony Hsieh is one of the founders of Zappos.com an online shoe and merchandising company that Lulu and I have admired his ability to motivate and inspire his Zappos employees. We have been influenced to role parts of our dental practice to follow the culture, core values of a billion dollar company known more for the care for it's employees then for the shoes it sells. Delivering Happiness, is well written and a very interesting read even for people that are running a business. I learned that happiness is greatly varied among different people, but we all need to find our pursue and passion. I highly recommend you to read this (or download it you have a iPad, iPhone), you might just find your passion for life, or re-visit that purpose for being placed on the face of the earth?

Once again, I want to thank everyone for the seen and unseen support that you have all given our family. The prayers are helping Lulu improve daily and we can't imagine life without them.

Lulu's been taking Sutent for 2 weeks now

Today I'm thankful for:

Warm, long days to spend with the family
My healthy back, my wife's improving health, and the kids great health
A very cute little baby to love
Jacklin LaLanne fruit juicer

I know it's been a couple of weeks until I have written in the blog, but it always seems that the summer time is a very busy time? Lulu has been taking her Sutent chemotherapy medication for two weeks now, and she's had only minimal side effects (like mouth sores, fatigue, forgetfulness). But as long as the drug is reducing the bone marrow cancer cells, these are a small price to pay? The thyroid medication is working wonders to improve Lulu's hypothyroidism, and the Tamoxifen is going to improve the chances that the cancer does end up somewhere else.

Lulu and I have been drinking juice from our juicer machine for the last month or so, and both of us have given up the high fat foods we once ate. I know that we've both feel better now with our new diet and have each have lost some weight along the way. I don't have cravings for the types of food that I used to love; pizza, steaks, hamburgers, and other high calorie fatty foods. It's amazing how changing your diet can have such a healthy impact both physically and mentally on a person, but I'm here to tell you that it's true. I haven't felt better since I was in my 20's, when I was know to ride my bike to school and play lots of tennis or basketball daily. I've even noticed that Lulu had been making an effort to exercise regularly too. I'm proud of both of us, and just today was thinking about this is another opportunity for us to look at Lulu's breast cancer not solely as a unfortunate circumstance, but one that positively changed our life's. It's really how you look at these things, and what you make out of them. I'm so grateful that the future looks so bright for my wife, and that we are living a healthier, conscientious life style.

We're praying for the drugs to do their jobs and eliminate all the residual cancer cells that inhabit Lulu's body? She's on her way to being cancer free and raising to the distinction of "Cancer Surviver".

How Iced Tea opened my eyes

Today I'm grateful for...
Having time to enjoy my life
Sharing moments that seem little with my loved ones (every moment is huge to me)
Bret Michael's Trop.A.Rocka diet Snapple iced tea (this is good)
Sharing my bed with a compassionate wife

Lulu's had a drug regiment that seems to increases weekly? I think that she's on four medications now all related to treatment of the cancer or relieving the side effects of the cancer? From Tamoxifen to Centroid and she tells me that she needs to take Ibuprofen daily for the headaches and body aches that she is experiences. I remember many years ago my grandmother at the end of her life showing me her daily pill regiment and the drug organizer that she needed to keep the medications straight. My grandma, Grace, had nothing on Lulu's pill organizer, the thing is big, long, and filled up with many vital drugs. I haven't mentioned the fact that seeing the numbers and types of drugs she needs to down daily has me thinking about not just her mortality, but often all human beings life cycle.

The future is quite uncertain for us? Until Lulu's hyperthyroidism is cured, we have been told that she can't start the trial drug treatment on the bone marrow cancer cells, so we hope that the drugs will quickly stabilizer her thyroid and we can make plans to start treatments at the UCSF cancer clinic? In the mean time we struggle with trying not to think about "what next", and only concentrate on what we can control like what we do with each other, how much time we spend with the kids, and holding little Lourdes as much a possible. I know that both of us with be feeling more confident about Lulu's beating this disease when we get the OK to start this next phase of treatment.

I have a new obsession, Bret Michael's Trop.A.Rocka Iced Tea. Funny how I came acrossed this delightful liquid refresher. One night when I came to the family room to give my beautiful wife a "good night kiss and hug", I was intrigued by the TV show she was watching, and I just had to sit in on the action. I had heard of the TV series, The Celebrity Apprentice, but I had never really know anyone that had been following the show? I had never been a fan of Bret or the band Poison, but I just had to know what an aging, long haired, bandanna wearing rocker was doing on a TV show? I really thought that he was there as the Celebrity Apprentice we could all get a laugh out of because they were as out of place, and isn't fun to laugh at other's that we might have once idealized (or maybe still do)? Bret Michael's had substance. He impressed me with his creativity, ingenuity, leadership, and I dare say a Celebrity role model? After the show, I really wanted to test the diet Snapple flavor that he and his co-apprentice's touted as "tropical mango with a touch of peach flavor". Well, it took me a week of searching local stores to find the drink, but I'm sure glad that I finally found it. I can't really explain how the whole experience effected me, but I think about the show, the singer, and the drink daily. I guess the fact that anyone of us where we are famous or not can accomplish anything if we take chances, surround ourselves with the right people, and work hard at achieving our goals. Thanks Bret for opening one more creative space in my life (you can never have enough).

Just another health issue to deal with

Today I'm thankful for...
Getting a day to chase the fish with friends
Feeling positive about the future
Quality time with my mother-in-law
Seeing Lulu's emotional strength improve

What an emotional week for our family. As I'm sure you read in the last blog entry, that Lulu's will be starting a new drug treatment for the cancer cells that she has in your bone marrow. However, this will be on hold indefinitely due to the fact that she has been diagnosed with hypothyroidism after a blood test tow days ago. In preparation for the UCSF clinical study Lulu was directed to have a blood screening, and the levels of thyroxin being produced from her thyroid was abnormally low. Thus, the start of the drug treatment needs to be postponed until the hypothyroidism can be corrected. The doctor thinks that with medication that the thyroid should be back to normal in two to three weeks? Another slight setback in the "conquering the cancer" quest, but one that Lulu shall overcome with that great positive determination.

This news is causing havoc on Lulu's and my ability to plan the next six months of health care trips to San Francisco. In our existing schedules we have to plan for these dates where we will be running down to SF for blood tests, physicals, more bone marrow biopsies, CT scans, and who knows what else? As of today, we don't even know when this all can start, so just that fact is quite stressful for our family. We do know that once her body allows her to start this cancer treatment, it will require at least one trip per month to the clinic, and we're told that the end of the therapy will be six months from the first dosage. Well, this gives we the chance to finish before the Christmas holiday season.

I know that Lulu is worried about how she is going to feel with this new treatment? Will she get more fatigued? What about nauseous, and how about the physical appearance factor? I know that some of these questions will be answered soon, but many others can't be answered until she's participating n the course of treatment.

I just know that our family will be receiving some good news in the very near future? I'm unsure what is might be, but with all that has been effecting us lately, I think that we could use some?

The news isn't what we had hoped for

Today I'm thankful for...
The sound of crickets bringing in the summer warmth
Basking in the glow of my only daughter getting to celebrate her first birthday
Having the chance to make a difference in kids lives
Getting wiser as I grow older

Well finally we got the news about the results of the bone marrow biopsy that was done on Lulu over one week ago. I spent the last 24 hours thinking about ways to write the next few lines into this journal, but I really couldn't come up with witty or clever ways of saying that my wonderful, beautiful, strong wife has a "medically significant amount of cancer cells in her bone marrow."

I don't think that anything can truly prepare you for the knowledge that your loved one will need to begin a new battle against the breast cancer that she has been bravely beating this last 24 months? We were both so optimistic that the results of this test were going to be negative and that she would be cancer free? I can't tell you how devastating this news is for us. I think that this news just might be more damaging then finding out Lulu's initial diagnosis of Stage III breast cancer? I know that my world stopped for a long pause, as I attempted to process the information. I was so sure that Lulu was to be cancer free that I really didn't allow myself to see that there was any alternative. I know now why people facing great adversities say, "I was just going through the motions". This is how I feel now.

When Lulu awoke me from a restful sleep last night with the news that the test came back and she would be starting this 'experimental" drug treatment this Friday, because her cancer cell count was high enough to warrant the treatment, I was practically inconsolable. She and I just embraced, crying in unison, and then talking about the next steps between sobs. I woke in the morning early, wondering if I had really slept at all? I was alone in the bed. Seemingly it appeared that Lulu may have missed out on any rest for the night? We found each other for a renewed somewhat comforting embrace, before I had to get to the office to care for my other family. (thought my day turned out to be one of the most difficult days ever in the 15 years of dental practice).

I know that both of us felt guilty that today is Lourdes' first birthday, and the celebration is marred with the knowledge of Mommy's condition. Thought there's solace in knowing that Lourdes has come so very far in her short life. We are ever grateful to the care she received, the healing prayers that soothed our worries, and the grace of God growing her body and mind. We have a very healthy one year old that everyday reminds us how much we have to live for? It's hard to imagine that just one short (could have been shorter) year ago that 26 weeks premature baby was artificially brought into this world, and spent the first 90 days of her life battling for her life? We are the blessed ones!

I'm sure with time we will move into the "It is what it is, and just deal with it", but for now we're stuck in the "oh my god, what more does one person have to deal with"? As positive as both Lulu and I think that we are, there's a time that your defenses weaken and the doubt creeps in for a fleeting moment? We both know that we're moving into a new phase of life with this news, and we have the chance to build a stronger, better, or loving relationship from this. This is just another test that Lulu and I will pass with flying colors, and look back on this as a building block that strengthens the foundation of our relationship.

So it's on to UCSF for more monthly medical tests, drugs, and hope. Once we have more information about how long the treatment is, what is the effects of the treatment, and what does all this really mean; I'll be sure to update the journal with the news. Thank you again for all each and every one of you reading this has done for our family. This whole ordeal would be so much more lonely without your support, and prayers.