Christmas grows near

Today I'm thinking about...
Self motivation
The Christmas season
Truly how much that I have
How I got here?

It has been a very busy week for the Molina-Wilkerson family. This whole last week Lulu and the kids weren't feeling so well. Lulu was complaining of abdominal cramps and just not feeling well in general. I felt really bad for her and the kids, because I can't help them feel better. Through all of the surgeries, the tests, and the preemie baby issues, the hardest thing for me is not being able to take away the pain, and standing by to watch Lulu or Lourdes go through these awful tests, surgery, and appointments. I have heard that people giving support to loved one's with critical health issues many times have as such if not more stress then the sick person. I can tell you this is true for me. Having a strong independent wife that most times wants to do things "her own way" is very difficult to manage. Much of the stress I feel has to do with the fact that I don't feel I can be involved in the process of healing the problems.

Now when Lulu feels sick, like she has this last week, I think that we both secretly think that it could be related to the cancer? Could the chemotherapy depressed the immune system? Did the surgery cause Lulu's body other unseen damage? Once when minor aches and pains effected our family, we just said, "suck it up" it's part of being alive, but now we say, "could this pain be related to the cancer, and what's it all mean?

Yesterday, Lulu make the trip down to UCSF for another follow-up with the doctors on her cancer. I think that they wanted to check her expanders (and expand them), and also she was to meet with the Radiation-Oncologist for the start of the treatment plan for radiation therapy? I was so tried from a long, long, long, busy day at the office that I went to bed early before she arrived from SF. (I was so tired that while I was feeding Lourdes I feel asleep in the chair and was awoken sometime later by my sister) I rarely fall asleep outside of a bed, so I had to be quite tired? I'm eager to find out about the trip, and what was said by the doctors. I'm wondering about when Lulu will start the radiation treatment, where it will be done, what are the side effects she can expect to have? Also, I'm curious about the experimental drug treatment that the doctors have suggested that Lulu do as a follow-up treatment to the chemotherapy, surgery, and the radiation. All these questions we still have, and no answers yet, that's stressful too.

The kids are very excited about the Christmas season, especially Christmas day and Santa bringing the presents to up under the tree. Even Carter is excited for the "big day", and still believes in Santa Claus. (though he starting to ask questions like, how does Santa deliver all those presents in just one night?) It won't be long and the kids will be past this great stage of wonder and belief. This Christmas is shaping up to be just a little more special then all the past Christmas'. When a loved one is facing a potential life shorting event, and you have just experiences the miracle of having baby that struggled for her life, you seem to cherish seemingly simple things just a little more then you might of done in the past.

Our family wants to extend a warm loving Holiday season to you, and my God be looking upon you your family's with loving eyes?

Merry Christmas!!!