Waiting is so hard

Today I'm grateful for...
The Sun shining
Having a "best" friend to share my life with
All the friends and family for support
A meaningful relationship

I feel so bad for my wife this last 48 hours. We stressed over the results of Lulu's bone marrow biopsy from earlier in the week, and had really hoped that we would have some clarification on the amount of cancer cells presiding in her bones by the end of the day Friday (this is what we had been told be the oncologist)? As the day dragged on, Lulu and I became more anxious about the findings. We both found ourselves surmising why the UCSF clinic hadn't called? Could the delay be caused by the possibility that the test wasn't done properly, the blood marrow sample was lost, or the results show high cancer activity on the oncologists didn't want to alarm Lulu right before a holiday weekend? I know one thing that's for sure, I saw my normally stoic wife check her iPhone close to ever 5 minutes during the nerve racking day (and I found myself following her around hoping to hear the good news)?

Lulu and I travelled to Modesto in the central valley of California for my 26 year old cousin Christina's wedding yesterday. The event was well attended and the ceremony was so beautiful that we almost forgotten about the news of Lulu's long term success of battling this dreaded disease, breast cancer? As the night wore on it become apparent that the cancer clinic wasn't going to be calling with the results of the biopsy until at least tomorrow. Let me tell you some scary thoughts raced through both of our heads as we tired to fall asleep at the end of a very long day.

I'm so glad that Lulu has a big birthday BBQ planned for Sunday (and most of her family is either already here in Reno are coming in soon for the big event), because all the preparations will take some the worry and pressure off her shoulders. The busier she stays the less chance she has of conjuring up these crazy ideas that the delay in informing her of test results means anything more then just an over site by the cancer clinic? We need to reduce the stress level, even if, only for a day or so. Let Lulu enjoy the big moment of her only daughter making it to her first birthday. Lourdes' one year birthday was something that we were hopeful for in the days immediately after her birth, but honestly, we were so thrilled with just seeing our peanut sized premature baby girl make it out of the intensive care unit. This first birthday is to be very special for another reason too. Lulu has had the chance to see her only girl celebrate one year of life, and when she was first diagnosis with such advanced breast cancer, I think that we hoped that Lulu would see 40 of Lourdes' birthdays, but nothing was certain?