If you'd like information on our family

Hi there,

As you can probably tell, I have not updated this blog for a while. If you're interested in Lulu or our families happenings, please drop me a email at fishingjw@aol.com, and I'll be glad to fill you in. I have decided to not post here, at last for a while.

Thanks, J.

A friend gets some bad news, Lulu's very saddened, and I don't know what to think?

Today I'm thankful for...
Little girls
Sunny days
New friends
A healthy back

Lulu and I attended a breast cancer support group dinner last night. I noticed Lulu is taking a greater interest in seeking out those in the community that have gone through the difficult breast cancer journey. I'm glad. This also gives me a chance to meet with the husbands of the survivors, so I can get useful information on how to better support my recovering wife? The gathering was very nice, and the pizza was splendid. We visited a home that the owners have a backyard brick pizza oven (handmade by the owners). What a great what to cook the Italian pies. All the crusts were laid out from wheat, to honey wheat, and white crusts, and then we could place a variety of topping on top. I like the goat cheese, pecans, and tomato one the best, but I would say that they were all so good. I think that ended up eating four or so pieces? (that's way more then I would normally have). As I indulged in the taste delights, I couldn't help but think about how lucky a man I was to have a beautiful, very strong wife as my wife. I was also thinking how great it is to be meeting so many new friends that have cancer in common. Just to be in the presence of all these people made me feel blessed. I could see the interaction that Lulu was having with the "ladies" and I could see the appreciation for life she was also feeling. I'm not sure that I have ever experiences more fulling, interesting conversations in my life? Lulu and I could have participated all night, but as the night grow later we needed to get home for the kids.

During the breast cancer support party Lulu received some sad news about one of her breast cancer friends. This news really effected both of us. Knowing that someone you have been sharing experiences, treatment, and emotions with has found out that they will be needing more treatment because the doctors found new cancer, is so very deflating. Finding this out while at a breast cancer gathering was bordering on surreal. God has such a way of touching you, and his timing always seems appropriate. I could tell that Lulu was thinking that the same her friend was facing could be awaiting her? The unknown is many times better left that way. I spent the rest of the night avoiding my opportunity to consul my wife, but instead I found myself avoiding the issue. I want to believe that Lulu's fate in this cancer fight will only be positive, but knowing that she might experience a recurrence or worse a formation of new cancer is part of the reality of the disease.

Even more disturbing yet was that just last Friday Lulu had a follow up appointment with the local oncologist (she found someone in Reno to keep tabs on her medications, future treatments, and emergent needs). Lulu really wanted me to meet the new oncologist, and you could tell that she really liked this doctor. I meet her at the appointment not really knowing what was to be discussed? When the oncologist arrived (we waited 15 minutes, that's pretty good) I was immediately impressed by his friendly demeanor and his through knowledge of Lulu's past cancer history. After a few minutes of discussing what has been happening with her treatments, and how she has been feeling; the discussion become the future. A big part of the topic was what else could be done in the fight against this disease? His recommendation was to have Lulu start some other types of drug treatments that have been shown to reduce the risk of recurring and/or new cancers showing up. I don't recall the drug choices, but there were a couple that were discussed. This physician was very concerned about the bone marrow test that UCSF breast cancer clinic preformed just last month. He felt that since the cancer cell count had increased in six months that Lulu "might want to have a bone scan, and a PET scan to confirm her health? Then something really interesting happened, he recommended that she have the test on Valentines Day. I thought that he was kidding at first, but I think that was the earliest date that these test could be arranged? I guess that some people celebrate Valentine's Day with a nice dinner and maybe some flowers? Lulu will get to celebrate with a battery of tests, and some new drug choices? The doctor wasn't joking I could tell that he thinks Lulu's health is so important that Valentine's Day can't be soon enough.

Lulu's handling the need for more tests well, but I'm really concerned about her ability to hold up knowing that her cancer colleague had a poor diagnosis? This will be a difficult two weeks as we both wait for the results of her next set of tests. Please keep Lulu in your thoughts and prayers, and send me some of your strength.

I have returned from a life changing trip

Today I'm grateful for...
Everything that I have
Being back home in Reno
My good health
Running water and electricity

I returned from Belize yesterday at 1 AM. I had the most memorable experience caring for people in Belize. I won't bore you with all the details, but I can tell you that the whole experience was so wonderful I don't know where to start? First, I got to spend the 10 days with both my eldest son, Carter, and my mother. Seeing each other in this light, out of the normal routine, and dealing with stressful situations was so very rewarding to me. I was very hopeful that Carter would be helpful, courteous, and adjust well to the life away from the common routines. Let me tell you, he was way more helpful, courteous, and self motivating then I could have ever imagined. Most of the team members on the trip were surprised to find out that he is only 10 years old. I just hope that he will continue to impress for the years to come (especially those dreaded teen years)?

Second, spending the time with my mom was a close second to being with Carter. I haven't had much chance to be with my mom without the daily routines getting in the way. It was great to see my mom helping with the Belize kids, and socializing with the other participants. The mother/son time was to be cherished. I can only hope that I will get another chance to spend this kind of time with her in the future? I was so very happy that she was the one to encourage me to serve and attend this mission trip.

Third, meeting many new people from all over the country. We had both medical personnel, and construction people to help with the care and construction of a new parish center total of 82 people attended. The relationships build during the 10 days were one's that I'm sure will last a lifetime. I really enjoyed to interactions with the other volunteers, and on returning to the US, I was seriously contemplating returning next year to serve again?

Forth, I really feel that we made a difference in many people's life's. The Belize children live in moderately poor conditions (in comparison to US standards), many of them don't have either electricity or running water. I was surprised by how many kids didn't have even a toothbrush. I see the looks and smiles on their faces when they received their new toothbrushes, paste, and floss was so gratifying. Just educating and interacting with the 400 or so children in the two schools was fulfilling my emotion tank. We ended up educating and applying fluoride to over 400 kids, and also had a chance to care for 30 or so adults too. I think when we finish the week we had extracted over 400 broken down or abscessed teeth? What a great chance to make a difference that we don't get the opportunity to experience very often in our lifetimes.

My goal now is to recruit more health care providers (dentist, hygienists, assistants) to return to Belize to continue where we left off this year. I think that with a few more providers we could really up the care that we give, and possibly educate all the schools in the Dangriga area? (population of 18,000 people).

I also have been utterly impressed by the outreach of support for this mission trip. So many people were telling us that they were going to be praying for our safe journey and return, and many of them donated money to the cause. I think that we raised over $5000 from family, friends, and people with huge hearts (though our expenses were quite a bit more then that). Next year I would like to raise even more money, and I have come up with the idea of riding my bike from Belize City to Dangriga (this is a six hour van ride, 240 mile round trip). Dangriga is where we provided most of our care for the children. For each mile, people could pledge money and those funds could be used to pay for the treatment of local Belize women's breast cancer (chemotherapy, radiation, drugs, physical therapy, and transportation/lodging in Belize City, the nearest cancer treatment center). What a great way to help in an area, breast cancer, that I have gained much experience in; and at the same time provide the kids in Belize with much needed dental education and treatment? Now I have to find a way to convince Lulu to make the trip, so she can not only be the role model for the breast cancer patients, but also see how her fight can help others facing the same dreadful disease. I can't think of a better way to share all my loves in life; bike riding, dentistry, teaching, and love for my wife. January 2012 can't get here fast enough!(this is the next Belize mission trip date).

I'm so glad to be back in Reno, and I can tell you that I'm not going to take anything for granted after seeing what many of the Belizean people live without. I want to thank God for blessing me with so much. I'm so very blessed!

I think that we both knew the answer to the bone marrow test?

Today I'm grateful for...

Everyday getting lighter by 30 minutes
Getting to care for kids in another country
New friends
A strong, determined wife

We had been waiting on pins and needles for the bone marrow biopsy test results this week. The oncologist had assured that we would have the results of the test by the end of last week, but we didn't hear until yesterday the news. During the last ten days there was a tension surrounding the family to was palpable and ever present. Lulu and I had the discussion multiple times per day about what not getting the results in the promised time means? We both assumed that not hear from UCSF meant that the test results would be positive to Lulu having higher numbers of cancer cells residing in her bones? As the weekend past without a call, we figured that the doctors needed more time to figure out how to break the "bad news" to us, or worse the test results pointed to another problem area of cancer for Lulu? All these thoughts really keep us from sleeping well, and made the passing of the days seems to take forever. This was one week that I was glad that it was me going to see the patients at the office, at least, I was staying busy. However, this meant Lulu had a lot of time for reflection. (if you can ever have "a lot" of time for anything when you have three active kids).

Tuesday came and went with still no news, and Lulu both called the oncologist at the clinic and emailed her asking her for some news from the test. No response. As each day past the trepidation intensified, and the thoughts of us receiving negative news were greater. As I feel asleep that night I remembered thinking about what could be our families future, and I found myself haunted all night by dreams of life without my wife? What a truly horrible feeling dreaming about your loving spouse dying leaving behind four young kids and a grieving husband to explain along the way why God has chosen to call upon their mother. You want to wake from the awfully painfully real dream that have consumed your sleep, but it's impossible. I did break out of the terrifying night of sleep around 4 AM, and had to prevent myself from falling back to sleep, and possibly re-dreaming the scenario? I can't remember a more horrible night of sleep in my lifetime?

Wednesday started off as normal as every other Wednesday. I put all the kids into the car and drove the older boys to school. (I really enjoy these rides with all my kids. We get Daddy time alone and spend some quality time playing games or just talking to each other). Lulu stayed at home with Lourdes and Hamilton until the sitter arrived and she could meet me for a meeting. We needed to get to the office by 12 noon so we could participate in the Dentistry for Kids weekly management and staff meetings. After these meeting Lulu wanted to pick up the older boys from school and had asked me if we could go out tonight to talk, if she could get babysitting for the kids? I knew this meant that she had probably got the news from the cancer clinic and must likely it wasn't good news. (if she had gotten good news I was quite sure that she would have just blurted out that she was "cancer free" or that the results came back "negative"; however, her wanted to be alone that evening could only mean that she needed my support because the news wasn't what we had hoped for?

When Lulu told me the news it was almost anti-climatic. There were not tears (I think that we had both shed those in the days leading up to today?). I think that we are just numb to the whole cancer thing by now? I was really hopeful that this would be the time that Lulu would get some good news? It just seems that all the cancer news relating to her has been "less then positive"? When will there be a break for this wonderfully loving, caring, strong woman? I have learned when facing traumatic news, the best thing for a husband to do is just hug your wife for as long as she needs it. I've become much better at being there for my wife in times of crisis.

As much as the oncologist says that the results of this bone marrow test don't have a baring on the extent of her cancer, you have to wonder about the results and what they actually mean. Even thought they say that the number of cancer cells within the bones hasn't been shown to increase to chances of recurrent cancer or cancer showing up in other parts of the body, I find myself thinking that have an increase in the total number of cancer cells in the bones can't be good? A wise man once to me that, "unmet expectations lead to upsets", and my expectation was that my wife was going decrease the cancer within her, and when this result came back the opposite is happening, I find myself very upset. Why can't she get a break?

The next step is to met with the oncologist at UCSF to discuss the future treatment options for Lulu (she would also like to get a PET or CAT scan to check for other sites of cancer). Lulu hasn't made the appointment, and I wouldn't blame her if she puts this one off for awhile. I find myself thinking about the "next steps" and what all is going to be involved?

Even with all this week has brought to our family, I have faith that things will improve. Sometimes the light is the brightest during the darkest hour? I will be looking for that beckon of light shining brightly through the dark cloud that seems to be covering our family, and when it comes it will seem like the best thing that we could ever wish for. Now I must rely upon God to make it happen.

Waiting on the results

Today I give thanks for...
Spending time with my daughter playing, and reading
Being a Dad
My strong back and the avoidance for pain
Apple computer for making my life so connected

Yes, we made the trek down to San Francisco on Monday for another Lulu cancer center appointment. I was going to wait until we received the results of the bone marrow test before writing here, but all the feelings that I have been experiencing just needed to be released. I haven't been in the office this week seeing patients, but I can feel the stress that comes with caring about the practice of treating kids. Lulu has been working on Thursday, yesterday, and today, and the effort/stress has been taking a toll on her. I was at the office for the management and team meeting yesterday, and I could tell from her tone of voice, actions, and the way she was moving that she wasn't having the best day. I did my best to console her, and I secretly wondered if the stress wasn't related to the office and dentistry, but the waiting on the results of Monday's test? I know that I have been very apprehensive about what the bone marrow biopsy number will say? Did the trial drug decrease the amount of cancer cells in the bone marrow during the shorten 3 months that Lulu was given the drug, or could the numbers have possibly increased? Both Lulu and I have been told by the oncologist that the pending results of this test must be taken "with a grain of salt" because the research that has been done so far on the concentration of cancer cells in the bone marrow, and the recurrence of the cancer has been shown. My understanding is that the hypothesis is: the higher numbers of cancer cells present in the bone marrow the higher probability of either a recurrence of the cancer or the increased possibility of the cancer showing up in other vital organs? The trail drug's purpose is to reduce the overall numbers of those cancer cells in the bone marrow, thus decrease the possibility of recurrent or new cancer locations. So, even as we are reassured that this is all "in theory", I can't help but think that these theories are weighing heavily on my beautiful wife's mind? (I know that I'm struggling with the information). The results (higher or lower) of the cancer cell count we're to be dropped upon us by the end of the week. I'm almost envious of my wife for getting the chance to be busy caring for the patients at the office, so she can be relieved from her anxiety. (if even for a short time). Heaven knows that I have had plenty of time to be thinking about what all this means.

Monday's visit was a little strange this time down to the cancer clinic. What I mean is the whole trip went by very quickly for me, and there was some flashbacks to all the trips down. Lulu and I fell quickly into the routine that we know so well; stopping at specific gas stations for snacks and gas, parking in the same floor UCSF cancer clinic parking garage, and eating dinner on the drive back at our favorite spot The Cheesecake Factory. I was seeing the trip down to SF as a downer, because this was the first trip down since the post operative surgical appointment in late November, I had begun to disassociate SF with my wife's cancer battle, and this trip was a reminder that there's still a long journey ahead. I guess that I should be seeing the positive side of this. It shows that Lulu has passed the stage of thinking about the daily battle of the cancer and she's thinking about the bigger picture. It's great to see that Lulu is thinking about a future that's less about cancer and it's effects and more on her other obligations like your career and family.

I know that there's more to this journey for Lulu and our family in the coming months? The next few months are going to be important in determining how the next number of years of being a "Breast Cancer Surviver" will effect our live's? I know that this dreadful disease won't be able to break the resolve of my strong life partner.

We are approaching the day of the big test

Today I'm grateful for...

Getting to a new year with new hope for our family
The great heath of the members of my family
Hot chocolate on a cold evening
spending time at home with the kids

It's new years eve, and our family is snuggling on the coach watching "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" movie and eating popcorn while drinking hot chocolate. I can't remember doing this as a family ever? As I look back at 2010 I can only think about the "Cancer" and how it's effected our family. Not all of it negatively though. I can see the positive in the way that Lulu and I interact and communicate. Also, the closeness that Lulu as forged with the kids (part of this is the extra time that she has been able to spend with the boys). Our whole immediate family and the extended family has pulled together due to the illness to support not only Lulu, but each other through the stress filled days. I have heard the saying that adversity brings out the best in people, and I would have to say that for us in 2010 that has been so true. I'm looking forward to this new year, and I think that God will be looking upon our family and extending his power to make our year really special? Lulu and I haven't spoken about the "Big Bone Marrow Test" that she is scheduled for on Monday.

Lulu and I are taking the drive down for a check up, but also a bone marrow biopsy. This is the test to follow up on the results of the trial drug treatment Sutent that Lulu was a part of for a shortened three and half months. (the full treatment time was to be 6 months, but they stopped the treatment short of the six months because Lulu was having so much trouble with the healing after the reconstruction surgery on her breasts. Even though Lulu didn't complete the treatment with the cancer fighting drug, we are hopeful that her cancer cell numbers in the bone marrow have been reduced, if not eliminated? Lulu future heath may very well be lying in this test. I can tell that she is very nervous about it too. I will be praying that the test results with give her a clean bill of health, and the best new years gift that one could ever hope for.

Where has the time gone???

Today I'm grateful for...
Routines
Feeling really good
An optimistic future
Family and friends supportive love

Wow, where has the last month gone? As I look back on the blog entries I see that it's been 3 weeks since my last posting. So, you're probably wondering "WHAT THE HECK HAS BEEN GOING ON?" Let me tell you a little about it.

First, the family took a short flight to the Washington DC area to visit Lulu's younger sister Ibis for Thanksgiving. What were we thinking flying with four kids under the age of ten? Lourdes is at that age where she isn't very happy about sitting in a seat for more than a few minutes let alone hours. The flight back from DC was long and I couldn't get the cutie girl to sleep. She wanted to, of course, get out of her seat and see her surrounding? I spent much of the flight turning on and off the overhead reading light above her seat (that seemed to be the best entertainment of the trip?) Unfortunately, the light wasn't working on the second leg of the flight (from Chicago to Reno) so I had to use the light above my seat. The following two or three nights I was waking up to various nightmares of lighting storm flashes, dark scary places that bright things would jump out at me, and dreams of driving through a tunnel (as the lights blinked above the car as I passed at 60 miles per hour). It got so bad, at one point I needed to start using my thumb to turn the light on and off, because my index finger so sore. When we had returned to Reno, I suggested to Lulu that we could change our Christmas plans and celebrate it here in Reno (we have tickets to visit Puerto Rico for Christmas week, and that's a 9 all day flight there and back)? We seriously debated it, but in the end we felt that changing the plans at this juncture would be harder on us then just getting through this? The visit with Lulu's family was nice, as we all haven't been together since last summer, and we won't be seeing Ibis' family this holiday season, because they will be spending it with her husband's family in Ohio.

Second, Lulu has been to UCSF a couple of times in the last three weeks (one of these without me). Yesterday Lulu was seen at the clinic for treatment plan addressing her over active ovaries and future breast surgery. Lulu ended up going down to San Francisco with a friend since I had patients scheduled at the office, and she didn't want me to reschedule him on her behalf. She told me that the doctors have said that if she wanted to she could have both the reconstruction and ovaries removal both during the same surgery and this could be done in May or June. This is good news, because we had both been thinking that Lulu would have to have a surgery in January for the ovaries and then an additional one in May or June for the breasts? The only drawback to wanting until Spring for the ovaries to be removed, is that Lulu will have to continue the estrogen suppression shots monthly to keep the estrogen in check. I asked if she might be able to get the shots here in Reno, so we would have to make monthly trips down to SF for these. The UCSF doctors think that this is very possible, and Lulu is to make a appointment with a Reno oncologist to administer the future shots. The other trip down about two weeks ago was to follow up on Lulu's healing after the last surgery, and the talk with the newest surgeon. This woman doctor we found out specializes in female reproductive surgery. She lead us through the need for Lulu to have out her ovaries and what the science says about the production of the estrogen and the recurrence of estrogen positive breast cancers like Lulu's. She seems very confident that the right choice for Lulu is to get the over active ovaries out, and subsequently reduce the chance of recurrence of Lulu's cancer. During this same trip to UCSF Lulu received her monthly estrogen shot, and blood test.

The next trip down to the clinic will be for a bone marrow biopsy. Since Lulu was part of the trial study for this new anti-cancer drug, even though she didn't finish the trial, the doctors would like to get a final count of cancer cells in her bones. Lulu has this biopsy scheduled for the Monday after New Years. I can tell that she isn't very excited about this procedure (who would be when you're getting a large, long needle thrust into your hip and the mushy insides of your bone sucked out)? I know that we're both apprehensive about whether or not the trial drug treatment and all the side effects were worth it? Will the bone marrow test show a reduction in the cancer cells, or would the 4 months of drug treatment not produce any noticeable results?

I've been busy working on my Christmas gifts for Lulu and the other immediate family. Last year for Christmas I put together a hard cover picture book of Lourdes first 6 months of life. With pictures of her first being born, the day she could come home from the hospital, and the family sharing their home life with her. I put it together with the thought that I was going to give Lulu, grandparents, and aunts a cherished memory book of "The little miracle angel girl", but I found out that I got more out of the project then I could even have imagined. Putting together the photos and seeing the growth of Lourdes in those first 180 days meant so much to me. We are so very lucky, and blessed to have her with us, and everyday I'm thankful that I get a opportunity to be part of her life. This year I decided that I was going to improve on last years theme, so I've been working on a hard cover picture book that chronicles all our kids from 2000 (when Carter was born) to 2010. I have been finding some really great pictures to add to the book, and with the exception of a coupe of family portraits, only picture of the kids are in the project. I love these kids, and just as last year picture book did, this one is bringing me great job. I'm not sure that I have enjoyed working so hard on a project as I have with this one? I can't wait to see the joy that this treasured memory will bring Lulu on Christmas morning. I'm think of doing this kind of project every Christmas, and bring joy to not only all the receive the book, but also to myself while I put it together. I will have an extra book made for viewing at the office, so anyone who might be a patient of Dentistry for Kids (or just wants to stop by to see the picture books) can see the labor of my love?

Were looking forward to the holidays (to forget about the medical issues)

Today I'm grateful for...
Computers
The up coming holidays with family
Thinking clearly through all the adversity
My kids

I've had good intentions about updating everything that's been happening in our lives, but my computer been having some issues and wouldn't hold a charge. Hopefully, that little problem is behind us? Where do I begin? Lulu and I have another trip down to see the doctors at the cancer clinic this Wednesday. I believe the agenda has her seeing the oncologist, the plastic surgeon, the gynecologist, getting her monthly shot to reduce her estrogen levels, and having a ultrasound done on her ovaries. Wow, now that's a complete day?

We are hoping the answers that we hear are positive for Lulu's health. On our last visit with the oncologist just a week ago, Lulu was told that she "might want to have her ovaries out"? I could see that she wasn't real excited about the suggestion, but I think that both of us knew that the prospect with there. Later we would discuss why her ovaries were taken out during one of her other 3 or 4 surgeries? Now she's looking at another surgery possibility coming up? Just maybe will we get some news during our appointments on Wednesday, and that she might not need to have this surgery? I think though we both know that having this procedure would help improve her health.

A Busy Halloween

Today I'm thinking about...
The balance between being busy and having enough time
Filling my days with sharing time with my kids
Seeing the great in all those around me
Having so many people that care so much

What busy week. After returning from San Francisco on Saturday afternoon with Lulu, the week has been filled with many family pack togetherness and work. Of course we have been keeping an eye on Lulu's healing after Friday's surgery. I think that the first two or three days was difficult for her to recover her energy? By Tuesday she seemed to have some of the Molina spunk back? I've always heard about patients that are dealing with cancer treatments starting out strong, but after a while the accumulative effects of all the emotional ups and downs just really begin to wear them down. I think this is exactly what has been happening to Lulu (and me)? I have noticed that our attitudes about the care she's getting, and the treatments that are needed we just aren't as optimistic as we once were.

The repairs on Lulu's breast seem to be healing well now that the implant has been taken out, and some new tissue has been placed on the site? Though we're both skeptical about the doctors assurance that this surgery will allow the area to heal properly. So far it's looking good, besides the blistering of the tissues around the lateral border of the surgical site. What's this from; who knows, but it quite sore for Lulu. She also complaining that the drain they placed into the breast is very uncomfortable, and when we return in a week that she wishing that the doctors will be able to remove it? I'm so proud of her dealing with this latest set back. Besides being a little skeptical of the treatment, she hasn't really complained much about the whole thing. I know if I was just cut on a fourth time, had blisters on my breasts, and had to put up with walking around with a tube and bottle sticking out of my chest, I would a huge pain in the butt to be around. I just pay that she will heal quickly and that she can get the drains removed next week, and be on her way to recovery. I think that she deal with enough adversity these last 15 months?

I'm not sure if I had mentioned the fact that the oncologist and the surgeons have elected to take Lulu off all three of the cancer treatments that she was on. They seem to think that there's a possibility that these medications may be contributing to Lulu's inability to heal? This is a great concern to us. These medication are the standard protocol for Stage III breast cancer patients and have been used for years for the prevention of recurrence of the cancer. Without these drugs the chances of either a return of the cancer in the breast or a metastasis of the cancer in other part of her body increase. They say that after Lulu heals they will get her back onto the regiment of the drugs, but so she can heal they think that the risk is warranted? There's times that you just have to have faith that the doctors know best and the treatments they recommend are the ones that are going to work? However, knowing what the consequences of not taking the chemotherapy drugs are, we pray daily that she will heal quickly so that she can return to these drugs?

On Sunday night our family met up with friends for a Halloween trick or treating escapade and we had a lot of fun. The boys love the Marios brothers and they each picked an outfit from the game. Carter was Yoshi, Hamilton was Mario, and Lourdes baby peach. Thomas didn't want to be part of the group, so he picked Captain Jack Sparrow form the Pirates of the Caribbean. Thomas likes to do his own thing. After hours of running from house to house (I didn't need to work out today) we returned home to organize the candy. Being dentist, our rule is the kids can pick out their favorite 10 pieces of candy and the rest gets recycled. (I think the kids have more fun figuring out what candy to keep then even eating it?). I have posted a couple of pictures from our Halloween evening I think you'll enjoy? I hope that it was a fun filled holiday for you too?

Surgery number three on Lulu's breast

Today I'm thankful for...
seeing the great qualities in everyone
being there for my family
good, caring, and responsible kids
my health

The third surgery on the Lulu's right breast happened on the afternoon of Friday Oct. 29th. After spending the week in the hospital on the IV antibiotics the surgeon made time in his schedule to operate on Lulu Friday at 11 AM. There was a lot of discussion about what needed to be done during this surgery. The implant was to be removed and the tissue cleaned and re-sutured together so it can heal properly. The tension on the tissue was thought to be too much for the radiated tissue to stay sutured together, and the best treatment for Lulu was to just remove the implant and start again with either a new tissue expander or nothing at this point? After waiting for Lulu to finish in the operating room, I was told that she had preformed beautifully during the 2 hour surgery, and she was our of the recovery area at 2:15 PM. I walked her to the same room that she had been in for the week, so she could continue her recovery.

Lulu is so tired of the routine of trips to SF, hospital stays, feeling sick, not being able to hold her little girl, and the time away from her kids (not to mention the time out of the office and not being able to care for the patients). I even caught her in a "feeling sorry for herself" moment the morning of her surgery (these moments are becoming more frequent with the continued struggles with the poor heal that she's enduring). It's hard to second guess someone who's about to go through their third surgery in the last 60 days. Not only that fact, but also Lulu will need at least one more surgery (and probably two) in 4 to 6 months to replace the implant that is causing her so much grief? I can see that with each complication, surgery, and recovery that Lulu is wearing down both physically and emotionally. I have been thinking of how to build up her strength emotionally, because this lady only has a sliver of the strength that she once possessed. I feel as if I have let her down? I have been saying with each surgery (or other medical event) that she's beat this and everything from now on will be better, but it seems that there's always more that creeps into our life's? I truly know that one day soon everything will past us by and the days will be filled with positive feeling and a new revitalized wife; however, until then we just have to have faith in God that he will give us the strength to make it through.

Before Friday's surgery I returned to Reno to spend a overnight with the kids. Lulu and I felt it best for me to return and spend a evening with the kids and take them to school in the morning. Both of their parents being away for this length of time can really emotionally effect the kids? (not to stay the effect that it has on us too). I found the drive home by myself was very lonely, and it seemed to take forever? I did manage to make it in time to pick up the older kids from school, and then pick up Lourdes and Hamilton for a evening of piano lessons, fast food dinner, and then an evening at home playing together.

The night flew by and before I knew it the kids were in bed, fast asleep, and I was trying to catch up a past due tasks before heading off to bed so I could turn around and drive back to be with my wife. After taking the boys to school and finishing some errands, I found myself making the 4 hour drive back. During the whole drive I had the old familiar feelings of losing my wife to this terrible disease return to my mind. My mind was racing with the what ifs. What if the cancer returned? What if Lulu couldn't came back to the office and work? What if she could never again live without the pain? What if I was left to raise four little kids alone? As I passed through Sacramento and on to Davis I soaked the steering wheel of the Prius with my salty tears. I felt guilty for crying, but could hold back the emotions that I was feeling. I just all seems so unreal. Like I'm caught in someone else's nightmare? I had no choice but to pull it all together and continue my drive ever closer the hospital. With only hours before another surgery for my battling wife, I pulled into the parking garage at the clinic, and said a little prayer as I got out of the car to face another seemingly insurmountable challenge with my wife. Walking in the the hospital I found myself thinking of only impending demise for all of us on this planet. That the most precious thing that all of us have is time (and following close behind is our health). I renewed a promise to myself to spend as much time with my love ones as humanly possible?

I walked into room 421 (her room for the week) with a mission on my mind; be strong, love all those around you, and take the time to be there for your family. No day is more important then today, and don't take tomorrow for granted. I saw Lulu in the bed with IVs hanging next to her bed and I knew that I needed to live those commandments from this day forward. I gave her the biggest hug and kiss that I could muster, while the whole time thinking of how my life has been changed forever!

Back to UCSF, what would the doctors want to do?

Today I'm grateful for...
Being able to express my emotions
Great medical care for my wife
Antibiotics
The love of the people surrounding my family

What a long week it has been. I have made the drive from Reno to San Francisco three times this last week and I'm not done yet. After saying goodbye the the kids on Tuesday AM, Lulu and made the journey down to the UCSF clinic so her breast swelling and wound healing could be assessed. We talked about a variety of things as we drove the scenic highway 80 down the mountain, but we were just avoiding the real issues of "what's next"? I know that the reality of the situation is that Lulu will be at the very least admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, and more likely a hospital stay and a surgery to repair the infected breast. The drive seemed to be taking much longer then normal this trip?

The Prius knows this trip well, and the familiar scenery passed by while we spoke about what we were going to do if the scenario means Lulu will be sending the week in SF? We both agreed as the car pulled into the 6th floor of the parking garage that she was going to be here for the next four to five days.

During the appointment with the plastic surgeon and the nurse was a tense 30 minutes. As he arrived to see Lulu I could tell the surgeon was felling horrible that Lulu was having the issues that she was with her breasts. He was extremely caring in his presentation of options to Lulu's new infection. We were soon all in agreement that the only options is just we had expected, four days of aggressive IV antibiotics, and then breast surgery to remove the infected implant and to leave the area without expansion to heal for 6 months. Once the tissues have healed appropriately then Lulu could have a new implant placed during another surgery. If all goes well that she might be done with the process in May of 2011? Both my wife and had been prepared for this as the answer to her recurrent infection issues. After the orders were written up, Lulu was admitted to the 4th floor of the Mt. Zions UCSF clinic.

Lulu was in remarkably good spirits for having to spend the next four days hooked to a IV pole, and mostly restricted to a hospital bed. The nurses have been close to fantastic every time we have been here, and the trends continue when we were assigned to Roshone. She was so caring, helpful, and skillful. I was happy ghat she would be the first nurse of many so Lulu would have the best experience (at least to start off with). Before we knew it she was hooked up and started on the vancomycin, and we both just hoped the rest of the week would be a success?

What's going on?

Today I'm grateful for...
Being healthy and fit
Strength from those around me
Love that I share with my wife
Freedom to choose my days

I hate to start off my blogs with the negative news of the day, but I'm going to make the concession this one time. Lulu is having right breast infection issues again. Last night as we were returning from a rainy weekend in Sacramento with the kids, I later found out was having pain with her incision area of her breast. When we had arrived home after 8 PM I heard hear crying on the phone to my mother about needing her help with the kids early the next day, because she needed to be seen by the doctors at UCSF and needed to leave quite early. This was news to me, and I immediately went into panic mode. I encouraged Lulu to give me the details and she indulged me that the 5 or 6 sutures in her right breast had released and that the area was painful and swollen. I ask her how long she had noticed this because this is the first time I knew anything about it? She said that she had noticed an issue on Saturday afternoon, but didn't want to cry wolf, and figured that it was just part of the healing process or maybe she had sleep wrong? But today when the incision opened up, and the implant was visible through the wound and painful. She got concerned.

Lulu had apparently spoken with the resident surgeon at the clinic about the new development, and after he had a chance to see the photo Lulu sent to him, he insisted that she be seen tomorrow (Monday). After my panic attack and getting the kids into bed, I wanted to talk to Lulu about the "next steps"? She told me that they would like her at the UCSF cancer clinic by 2 PM Monday, and that she could drive herself to the appointment? I have to admit that I was torn about what her needs were from me? I have been present in all but two appointments with her in this last 18 months, and even those I was saddened to not be there for support. So even though she thought I should stay in Reno to see the patients at the office (my scheduled patient days were Monday and Tuesday this week), I really want to be with her, supporting her, and caring for her during this most stressful time. (I think that we both know the gravity of the situation?) We came to a mutual decision that I should be with her for the evaluation and whatever treatment that she was going to need next? (we're both sure that the next steps will at the very least involve another surgery, and possibly a three or four day hospital stay for IV antibiotics?) I spent the evening comforting her that everything will be OK, but honestly what do I know? I thought after the original implant exchange surgery that everything would be OK, and now she's looking at a second hospital stay for treatment of the infection, and a third surgery to repair the non healing breast. How comforting can one be when you're questioning the what and why all this is happening to your loved one?

So far everytime we thy to put the complications of Lulu's cancer and it's aftermath behind us; it jumps back out to bite us? Why can't she get a break? I also know that doubt has crept into Lulu's mind about the treatment she's receiving for her reconstructive breasts? Have the doctors done all they can to prevent the infections, was the radiation treatment too close to the implant surgery, could she have been too active during her healing phase? I think that everyone would agree that when things just aren't falling your way, you start to analyze the small details, and you begin to wonder what else could have been done? I feel so sorry for my wife, and I can see how all this unsureness, infections, and surgeries have been taking a toll on her mentally. I just need to stay strong for her until she makes it through this most difficult time. That's easy to stay, but much more difficult to do.

I'm going to be praying for a little extra help tonight. We both need strength to pull us through this, dare I say, a set back again? Please send your thoughts and prayers our way, this just might be shaping up to be our neediest hour?

Rose's cafe with friends

Today I'm grateful for...
My wife sharing her experiences
Spending quality time together
My health
Getting to opportunity to exercise

These two days have been busy with medical appointments at the cancer clinic. Lulu and I made the trip down for follow up checks to the surgery a week or so ago, and we decided to stay over night (it wouldn't work to have all the doctors appointments in the same day, to make it easier we decided to do a over night instead of two separate trips down). We will try our best to have a marriage encounter while here, but all the stress of the medical appointments the marital bonding wasn't ideal (turns out it wasn't even that enjoyable).

We did find enjoyment in sharing a dinner with Lulu's friends that have been sharing similar experiences with this disease. Lulu's had the opportunity to befriend a couple of similarly aged women that were diagnosed very near the time Lulu was. It turns out that each of the two women have been moving through the challenges of breast cancer treatment, surgeries, and the hardest part of having cancer; the disruptions to your life. I think that it's important for her to share her feelings with women that know what it's like to go through these mental taxing times?

At dinner (a placed called Rose's on Union Street) I felt the bond between the survivors. They talked about their feelings, how their bodies feel now, and what is in store for them in the future? Three people brought together by the unfortunate circumstances of having breast cancer. Throughout the evening (Rose's was quite good food by the way) I noticed the emotional boost to my wife's mood, and she was more passionate than I had seen her in a while. I think the sharing of cancer related experiences and the I'm not the only one going through this was allowing her to open up? I learned things about what she's been dealing with these last 18 months that I hadn't even known before. I was slowly learning that even the husband isn't privy to all the facts of the battle with this monster.

Sunday night before another UCSF trip

Today I'm grateful for...
My wife getting better and stronger
The kids being healthy and well adjusted
Relatively warm weather to enjoy
The little princess growing so much more cute everyday

As I write in the journal I can't help but think about what's going to happen tomorrow at Lulu's post surgical appointment? It's been 12 days since the last surgery and Lulu is to have a couple of follow up appointments tomorrow and Tuesday at UCSF. The next two days will be packed with medical appointments like, the surgical follow up, the estrogen shot, blood tests, consult with the oncologist for the Sutent drug treatment (that Lulu is back on after the second surgery), and seeing the director of the trial study. I'm hopeful that all will go well? The positives are even though Lulu's feet are bothering her again because of the trial drug, she id feeling much better the last 7 days after the second breast surgery to clean up the infection and place more Allograph tissue. I know that Lulu has some of that Molina spark back, and everyday I see a little more of the wife I once knew. It's amazing that I have forgotten just how alive and fun loving my wife was before these last few surgeries. I think the stress and the healing have taken a toll on her both physically and mentally? It's great to hear that infectious, inspiring tone back in her voice and feel that energy she is starting to possess again.

I spent much of the day with Lourdes today. She has been growing up so quickly. I just can't imagine that a short 14 moths ago we got to bring her home from the hospital intensive care unit? I think that Lourdes is weighing about 35 pounds now? Hard to remember when she was the size of my hand and 2 pounds. Lourdes' personally is just beginning to shine, and she showing us the maternal (by maternal; I mean from Lulu's side) stubbornness much like her older bother Hamilton. We're working on the walking part, but haven't mastered it yet. No hurry from her parents though. I love this little princess's dimples. None of the boys have them, and Lourdes stand out on her cute face when she laughs or smiles. We are so very blessed to have her here with us, and so honored to be her mother and father.

I again want everyone to know just how much all the thoughts and prayers have lifted our spirits. As the husband of a breast cancer patient, I'm so very grateful that we have such loving, supportive friends and family. I journey we have been this last year and a half would have been so much more difficult without you all. We love each and everyone one of you!

Triathalon Day

Today I'm grateful for...
This wonderful day
Super weather, and lots of sun
Spending the night and having dinner with the family
having a place to live and food to eat

Lulu has been doing well since Thursday's surgery; however she been complaining that the swelling around her right breast and arm is hurting. The two or three days immediately after the surgery she was fine, but last night she started to feel like the pressure was increasing. I'm wondering whether the relief of the pain she experienced immediately post surgery was related to the anesthesia and post surgery oral pain relievers? Now that the anesthesia is totally out of her system she feels the discomfort that was always there? I told her that she needed to call the UCSF clinic first thing Monday morning to see if this is normal (we don't want any infections getting out of hand again and spending three days in the hospital). She promised that she would give them a call. Hopefully, we won't have to make another unscheduled trip down to the clinic to check on the healing? But of course we will do whatever is needed to assure she heals properly.

We have also had to adjust Lulu's schedule at the office, again. She was scheduled to work this Tuesday through Thursday, and now I will be taking her schedule for the remainder of the week. I felt that the the surgeon wanted Lulu to take at least three weeks off (recovery, rest, and rejuvenation), but after we talked (well mostly Lulu talked and I listened) the decision was final; Lulu was to see patients starting on October 21. I really tired to convince my wife to take more time for recovery, but she really misses the patients, parents, and the staff. I'm here to support her in whatever way she needs me.

The above picture is at Discovery Park in Sacramento at the Golden State Triathlon that I participated in Today (Sunday). I'm loving this stuff, and can't wait to better my times in the next one (which will most likely be next March, but I'm doing a 50 mile Mountain biking race in two weeks?). Funny thing happened just before the swimming portion of the race. As I stood in wait deep water awaiting the start of the race, I looked over to my right and recognized a person that I knew from 25 years ago. I lived in the dorms my first two years while at UC Davis, and this guy I was sure was a dorm mate that I shared second floor Tercero dorm with in 1984. I said to him, "I know you (original I know), your name is Tom", well his name wasn't Tom, but that's what 25 years will do to your memory. He said his name was Paul, and he knew may name instantly (this really made me feel stupid). I guess that I had made quite the impression on not just Paul, but most of the other dorm mates, because he started naming off all these things that I had done that year, and he seemed kind of impressed by them all? (I couldn't remember most of the half dozen or so escapades, another memory thing I suppose?). Unfortunately, the race was just ready to begin so we need to go swimming, but we promised to meet after the race to exchange contact information. However, after the race, I could not find him again (maybe I was bump into him at the next event?). I have never ran a crossed anyone from my college days until now (even though I have spent many hours wondering what might have become of many of the friends I made those 4.5 years at Davis?).

As for the race. I about drowned in the .5 mile swimming portion of the event. I haven't much experience in "open water" swimming (I don't think that the last race in Lake Tahoe with 2 or 3 foot waves count?), so I was struggling with the mass of swimmers around me. The effects of 15 or 20 guys both ahead and behind you can be described as the feeling you get immediately after you hit the water falling down while water skiing behind a fast jet boat. I got kicked in the face, and I'm sure that I delivered a kick or two? The second sensation that I dealt with was not swimming in a straight line. A couple of times I swam into other swimmers to both my right and my left (I don't think that they were too happy with me taking their space?). After the first few hundred feet I had to begin swimming side stroke instead of freestyle, because I was struggling so much with the chaos. I ended up liking this new stroke so much that I continued for 3/4 of the .5 mile (I did finish strong passing two or three swimmers in the last quarter mile). Once I got on shore and my legs under me, comparatively the rest of the triathlon was a piece of cake.

Biking and running were fun and I rode and ran strong, I finished with more in the tank, but was unsure this being my first road race triathlon (and the drowning part kind of freaked me out and made me hesitant). I drove back from Sacramento thinking about how I could improve at my next race, and I vowed to train harder in the swimming).

I have happy that I found something that is enjoyable and at the same time motivational. I guess this is another thing I should have put at the top of this journal entry as something to be grateful for?

Tune into the saga later this week, because I have an idea that Lulu's post surgery healing might not be totally without more complications? One day at a time, what more can you do?

Another surgery at UCSF

Today I'm loving the fact that...
I get to spend a lot of time with my wife
My wife is through another step in betting cancer
I get to eat a hot Pastrami sandwich
Had a safe trip from Reno to San Francisco

I'm spending another night at the bedside of the strong, lovely woman that I've been sharing my life with for 13 years. I'm not totally thrilled with the fact that we are back at the UCSF cancer hospital for another surgery on the non healing right breast, but at the same time I'm thinking that we (she) should be closer to getting past this cancer thing, and back to a "normal" life? (whatever normal is anymore?) She flew through this 1.5 hour surgery, and is recovering well. The doctors were very happy with the results of the reconstruction of the infected right breast, and I was excited to hear that they could save the implant. The procedure today was explained as a "clean up" the tissue, and get a better closure of the incision. The internal breast tissue was cleaned out, and new Allograph tissue placed, then sutured in to the healing breast tissue. Post operatively, the doctors said that Lulu should heal uneventfully, and needs to return in 10 days for a wound check and bandage removal. I'm so, so happy that her recovery (so far) is much better then a last months surgery (where Lulu had a difficult time flushing out all of the anesthesia medications). She seems much more perky, less nauseated, and much more alert. One hour after being wheeled out of the recovery area, she was talking on the phone to her kids and mother in Reno.

We have been told that Lulu can return to Reno tomorrow (Friday), after the surgeon comes to follow up with her recovery. I know that both of us will be quite happy to be leaving this hospital after spending much of this last week as guests. I can't believe all that this person has
experienced with this disease? Could we be getting close to the end of the unknowing? I think that is the hardest part of the cancer and it's side effect is the unknown that come along with it? When I had my back surgeries a few short years ago, I knew what the results should be and what to expect, but Lulu doesn't know what is next. And maybe worse, when it might happen? I'm thinking that tomorrow will be the new start for a cancer free, healthy life for this beautiful girl? Lord knows she deserves it.

We've had enough of hospitals

Today I'm grateful for...
Knowing the difference between needs and wants
Best health care in the world
Supportive extended family
My Toyota Pruis

Lulu told me before I left the UCSF hospital that she feels as if she's spent more time in the hospital then at home lately. Between the Radiation, Chemotherapy, two surgeries, numerous test, trial drug treatment, and all the doctor consults; I think that she's right? I just smiled and gave her my best "I love you" look. I can say that I know that I'm tired of all the appointments, the drugs, and the wondering what's next. How couldn't Lulu be getting to the end of her patience with all that has come with the cancer? But you move forward looking and praying that tomorrow brings better news.

The logistics of the "weekend of antibiotics" was crazy to say the least. Lulu and I brain stormed on how to get Lulu back to Reno on Monday after she finishes the antibiotics? Together after looking for one way flights to Reno, we decided on asking my sister Lori, which was in Reno at our request to celebrate her 50th birthday (so much for that), to drive down to San Francisco with our Toyota minivan, and then I would turn around and drive her back up to Reno. Of course, this would mean she would be in the car for 8 or 9 hours, now that's brother-sisterly love. We left for the return drive for Reno sometime around 7 PM, and for a Saturday night, I'm not sure that there could be more traffic trying to get over the bridge? I was worried for Lulu, and didn't want to leave her there alone, but I knew that I planning on returning on Sunday to be with her. What could go wrong in one day?

My sister and I returned home to Reno around 12 midnight, after almost running out of gas on the way into town. After, dropping my sister off at the Sands hotel to her husband and friends, I zoomed home, because I was so excited to get to sleep so I could be awaken by the kids in the morning. Sunday didn't go as planned. I had planned on leaving the house by 9 AM to get back to Lulu, but unfortunately the doctors didn't get to Lulu until 11 AM, and Lulu had thought that she might be released today? By the time I found out that Lulu indeed had to say until Monday, it was too late in the day for me to drive the 4 plus hours and stay with my wife for the day, so I had the pleasure of spending the day with my beautiful children. I was feeling sad for Lulu, but excited to be there sharing the day with my kids.

On the personal side, I have been working hard on my fitness, diet, and attitude. This next Sunday I'm participating in my second triathlon of the year . This one will be taking place in Sacramento (the first one was in Tahoe), and I'm hoping that it will be better then the first one last month? (in my first one my bicycle chain broke halfway through the 22 mile biking portion of the race). It's hard to explain the enjoyment of swimming a half mile, riding a bicycle for 15 miles, and then run a 5K before your legs give out. I love training daily, weekly, and monthly for the big day. I look forward to the training as a way to both relieve my stress, but also to concentrate on something different then my wife's cancer. Whether I'm swimming in the pool, riding the mountains around Reno, or running through the woods I really have found something that I'm very motivated by. I don't think that I've ever worked as hard on my health and fitness as I have these last 3 months? I'm in the best shape of my life, and getting better. I really can't wait until I get to put all the training to the test this weekend. I'll keep you posted on this one!

I have a new book on my reading list, and have already downloaded it to the Kindle App on my iPhone. The title is "Leadership and Self Deception". I have ordered multiple copies so the team at the office can partake in the learning that is contained within this book. I have read this years ago, and took away some very helpful tools for improving myself, but I feel that there is more within these pages for me? To improve my being, to build better relationships around me, and to most importantly help me be a improved person. This is a short, wonderfully helpful book, and I really think a must read for all.

Another unscheduled trip to San Francisco

Today I'm thinking about...
The limited time we all have in this life
How great my first 44 years have been
Lucky to be married to this woman
How great my health is

Well what can I say? Here I sit next to my lovely, strong wife in a hospital room wondering what is next? There's an IV sticking out of Lulu's arm where she is getting strong antibiotics to combat the infection that recently started in her breast and seems to be trying to escape to other places. The doctors were concerned enough about the extent of the infection to recommend that Lulu gets admitted for two or three days for intravenous antibiotic drug treatment. When we drove down to UCSF this Friday morning after the surgeon examined a recent iPhone photo of Lulu's breast, we didn't expect her to be spending the first three days of October in a hospital bed.

I have seen my wife go through more in this last 14 months then most people live through in an entire lifetime. I've seen her strong, determined, and confident dealing with the daily life of a Stage III breast cancer patient, but today the foundation is cracking and the tower is falling. It's heartbreaking to see her struggle with these new circumstances. This is truly the first time I've really seen Lulu battered by the disease. How can anybody know what she's internally dealing with?

After sitting for what seemed like hours waiting for the surgeon (which we were notified he was in surgery since 7 in the morning), we conferred with the nurse and then the plastic surgeon about Lulu's breast infection, her feeling sick, and the discharge from her healing incision. After a week taking two oral antibiotics the cellulitis in her right breast (and arm now); it isn't improving, and if the infection persists much longer the implant that was just placed three ago could be lost? That's all Lulu and I needed to hear, we wanted to tackle this with he most aggressive therapy possible. The next thing we knew Lulu was assigned a room on the fourth floor of the hospital, getting an IV by a newbie nurse and some unpronounceable antibiotics names pumping through the tubes.

We'll make the best of the situation, and Lulu will fight the infection with all her faith and determination she can.

Post surgical breast issue, and an unscheduled trip to SF

Today I'm grateful for...
A long and warm summer
My healthy, strong, and pain free back
Lovely kids
Good friends to bond with

Every time I look back at the last blog it surprises me how much time has gone by. I seem to be logging all the trials, events, and health of Lulu, but I'm always amazed to find out that it's been a week or sometimes two since I last updated the site. I think as the intensity of Lulu's cancer treatment subsides, I have so much more to occupy my time? I really enjoy putting down in writing my thoughts and many times I can't wait to sit down late in the evenings to jot down the weeks events.

This weekend, I had been looking forward to a long time coming fishing trip with two of my best friends Mike, and Randy. I was disappointed when we got under way just after 4 AM Friday morning after a lot of trepidation on whether or not the whole thing was going to happen? It has been a tradition for the guys to get away each fall (the best time of the year to chase the big trout in most lakes in Nevada), so I had been looking forward to this trips for months. The weekend turned out to be a great time for us three to kid each other, talk about previous fishing adventures, and catch a number of large healthy trout. Since the lake that we had planned on fishing this year was 4.5 hours from Reno, we had a lot of time for conversation (apart from the political discussions, most of it was good). We have been doing these trips for a really long time (12 or so years), so as we drove home on Sunday afternoon, I was feeling a little blue, knowing that this just might be the last trip together? I have realized that while I enjoy the company of these two great friends, my passion no longer lies in fly fishing. I just don't get the enjoyment that I once used to out of throwing flies at hungry foraging trout. I knew even if this was the last trip together, the numbers of future trips was more then likely going to be limited? I feel the pull of moving on to other endeavors to fulfill my leisure tank, but at the same time I feel the sadness of lose the great friend that's been such a huge part of my life (my grandfather thought me to fly fishing a the young age of 7, and I've been at it ever since). I was also nervous about returning home after 3 days away, because I got a phone call on Sunday morning that Lulu was feeling well and that she was having pain with her right breast. I was apprehensive about what the extent of the issue was during the whole ride back to Reno.

Upon my arrival I knew that sometime big was happening to Lulu, because both my parents were at my house when I arrived. My parents aren't usually over at the house unless were having a family dinner, or celebrating a birthday, so I had a good idea that Lulu was feeling well and needed their help? After a short discussion about the weekend and the kids, Lulu explained the problems that she was experiencing these last two or three days. She voiced that she had started feel as if she was coming down with the flu last Friday, but because she is taking 600 mg of Ibuprofen daily she felt that the symptoms were getting better, but that she felt confident that her right breast was infected and it was very red and swollen (I later found out she had a cellulitis and that she was having infected discharge from her breast). Lulu had been in contact with the doctor on call at the cancer clinic on Saturday night, and he told her that she needed to be seen right away (to Lulu this meant Monday). I felt badly that I was here for her, and wished that she had told me the extent of the issue while we discussed happenings Saturday night? Lulu just told me that she did want to worry me. She had made all the arrangements for us to travel down to the UCSF clinic on Monday morning to have the infection assessed, so I spent the evening wondering what was next?

Lulu and I awoke quite early on Monday morning to prepare for our trip down to SF (and no I didn't have to listen to marriage CD's this trip). We got into a heavy discussion about life, and past relationships during the drive down. The time flew by, and before we knew it the Prius was turning into the parking garage of the UCSF cancer clinic. As I parked I was thinking about the 60 plus trips down, and the total cost of parking alone? I did the calculations in my head and came out with some where around a total of $1200 for all the times we parked in the garage. (for anyone who's had the pleasure of parking in SF you know that the cost of parking is astronomical, on one trip to the holiday inn half of our hotel cost for the two nights stay was parking fees). Anyway, once I got parked and cleared my out the thoughts of trying to buy a parking lot in SF, we made our way into the clinic. Oh, and by the way the city just happened to be in the midst of the hottest day of the year, 86f, and sunny. I only put that in because I don;t think that we had seen the sun on one of our trips down since last winter, and the warmest day until now was around 70f?

Lulu and I arrived at approximately 11:20 AM, and because her surgeon was in surgery that morning we needed to wait until he was finish for her to be evaluated. Three hours later, after a nap, three potty runs, and many sticks of gum, he make it just in time to relieve us from shear boredom. After a break exam and questioning, it was determined that Lulu did indeed have a infection in the right breast, that the healing wound had lost some of the closing sutures, and that the skin graph looked frail in the area. After a consultation with another surgeon (resident?) and the attending nurse, the decision was made to re-suture the area immediately using local anesthesia, administer oral antibiotics for 10 days for the infection, and then follow up in a week. (they also were discussing having to reopen the breast and replacing the tissue graph, cleaning the infection within the breast and re-closing again under general anesthesia, but to our relief that was put on hold as a back up plan for now). Another 15 minutes and Lulu had a newly sutured breast, and was released from the clinic. We were both quite relieved that we weren't expected to return this Friday for surgery to repair the breast as the doctors were discussion just a few minutes earlier. I could tell that Lulu was relieved to be done and a diagnosis made. I think that she was happy that there was actually something wrong with her breast, because it validates her pain and sick feeling the last three days?

On the drive back (the traffic was tolerable, better then most trips during rush hour), Lulu called the office to inform them to re-schedule the patients that were scheduled to see her on Wednesday and Thursday, because she had been told to "take it easy" for the next week at the very least. For this is one time that I see Lulu is listening. I think that secretly she is looking forward to another week of recovery, since it's only been a short three weeks since her last surgery?

We arrived home, and I spent some reflective time thanking God for taking care of my wife and family, and giving Lulu's body the powers to heal. I know that she'll move past this minor hiccup and be stronger at the end of it all.

The unveiling

Today I'm thinking about...
Watching my wife battle back from surgery
My little girl grow up before my eyes
Getting more fit everyday
A loving family to be a part of

=]p-=o'][=]-=nkl[ul;.; this is Lourdes helping me on the computer. She loves to play with the computer, taping on the keys frantically. I'm not sure that she gets more enjoyment out of anything else? It does make my logging the daily trials of the Wilkerson-Molina family more of a challenge. The little princess is starting to get into everything. She's crawling everywhere and can walk holding herself up with furniture, walls, and chairs. I live to watch her explore, learn, play with her brothers. What a sight! As she gets mad at me for not letting her have more time on the keyboard, helping me. The whole family is enjoying a Sunday evening together with games, talking about the fall plans, and what our family's plans are now that Mom has gotten past the most difficult time of her disease?

It's been ten days since Lulu's surgery at UCSF, and just yesterday she was ready to remove the bandages from her surgical area. I think that she was nervous about what the results of the 6 months of expansion and two surgeries was going to produce? I haven't been privy to the surgically altered new breasts; however, she seems quite happy not only with the results, but also with the fact that she gets to take off the mummy wraps. I think that she's been walking with her chest pressed slightly more forward, announcing that she has a little more to show up top. (that could be my imagination, maybe I just think that she proud to be showing off the new version of the breasts). I'm just happy that she's been feeling better after a struggle with the anesthetic from last week's surgery.

This week we will be making another trip to UCSF for the follow up with the plastic surgeon. We will be celebrating 60th trip to San Francisco and back since the first trip down that dreadful late June 2009. I figure that we have saved somewhere around $2000 in gas money by trading in the Toyota Tundra truck for the '07 Prius? (not to mention that I bought the Pruis for about half the cost of the Tundra). Lulu and I both love the quiet ride of the hybrid, and you can't beat the gas mileage (I have average about 45 mpg). We only plan on traveling down to the city once/month for the next 5 to 6 months, and hopefully much less after that? Lulu and I have had some great discussion (dare I say bonding) during those 500 hours in the Pruis. For example; on the way to the surgery appointment last week, Lulu announced that she had bought a new book-on-tape for our mutual enlightenment for the 4.5 hour journey. I knew after the Dr. Laura Schlessinger CD series entitled, The Proper Care and Feeding of your Husband, (which we listened over a couple of trips down during the winter months) I was in for another husband-wife relationship coaching lecture. Sure enough, she had picked out a husbands worse nightmare, How to fill your mate's emotional tank, by speaking your spouse's love language... Lulu was so excited to get the CD started as soon as we left Reno, and I noticed as she was taking out the disc that there were at least four CDs in the case. That's when I realized that I would be listening to the language of love for the next few trips to SF.

The CD started off interesting enough to keep my attention, I didn't dare to yawn or seem uninterested during the program. I actually opened my mind for the learning of some relationship building tools that I could use to strengthen our relationship, and by the middle of the first CD I was thinking that I had really learned a few new techniques to build upon our marriage? I was so engrossed in the possibility of having a stronger relationship with my life partner, I didn't notice that Lulu had fallen asleep under her dark sunglasses. I guess the education was meant for me, and she had all the relationship building figured out? Well her loss, because during the next 3 hours I received a bushel of Cupid arrows for my bow to use with the as much expertise as the cherub himself. When Lulu did finally woke from her beauty sleep and stated that she had learned a great deal from the author, I just said that I wasn't sure that I followed the content and how it related to our marriage? I know until she reads this, I have the advantage in our relationship. Just another way that my wife has enlightened me to become a better husband, lover, and father.