Today I'm thankful for...
My wife feeling better each day
Loving and secure kids
My health
A wonderful house to come home to
The family has been busy with the kids school, the office (and all it's needs), and planning the summer. Lulu has had a chance to work at the office for the last three weeks, and though she's extremely tired; she has been loving every minute of her days. Lulu even wants to be the managing partner for the practice. I'm not really too excited about the idea of her stressing about the daily trials of Dentistry for Kids, but the bright side is that the extra work keeps her mind off her cancer. Will be redefining her new position as the days go by, but I know I've put my two since in for the position not to take away from her home/kids time.
Lourdes has had many medical appointments. I'm so happy to report here that she has past all the test with flying colors. At 11 months (her will be one on June 1) she is developing like a normal 7 or 8 month old. I've been told that with very premature babies like her this is normal. I have to say that I'm a very involved Dad. This week I've been out of the office, and spending so much quality time with the little jewel. Today we took a stroll at the local mall and eat some "hotdog on a stick" together, we did a wardrobe change three times today (this little girl can miss her clothes with the best of them), and played Daddy fetch (one of her favorites). I prefer the father/daughter snuggle time the best, and I've noticed that Lourdes isn't sleeping in my arms as often now? I'm missing some of the cute things that she used to do, but has grown out of already. They grow so fast!
We're fast approaching the May 24 date of Lulu's bone marrow biopsy. This is the procedure so the amount of cancer cells in the bone marrow can be assessed, and if there is some (we're praying that this test will be negative) Lulu can start a experimental drug therapy to fight this invading cancer cells. I think that this is a big advantage when seeking treatment at a educational facility like UCSF? In addition to all of Lulu's care in the same place, they have access to all the newest treatment modalities and drugs. I know that Lulu is worried about not only the process of giving a sample of bone marrow, but also for what the results might be?
We wish to thank everyone that has been praying for our family, and thinking about Lulu's recovery. I know that I'm so very blessed with how great our friends and family have been through this last year. The caring that has been shared with us has been amazing. We can't thank you all enough. Thank you all for being there for us!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Getting it together
Today I'm grateful for...
Seeing Dr. Molina go back to loving what she was born to do
Spending a lot of time with the kids
Having a healthy beautiful baby girl
The people in my life
I know it's been a few weeks since I've written in to blog, so what's been up in our life's? Lulu and I are working on strengthen our husband-wife relationship. It's a fact that I think that both of us would agree that the effects of Lulu's breast cancer has helped to grow our love for each other? However, lately as our life's have been settling into a more normal pattern (if you can says that any pattern you follow with a terrible illness like cancer) we have been struggling with the day to day expectations of husband and wife roles, and how we fit them? Though one thing that we have learned in this last year is how to better communicate to resolve these issues. I can also better understand what are the most important things that we discuss at length and what other things that aren't so important.
Lulu's started back to work with the kids at the office, and I'm not sure that I've seen her as tired and at the same time as stimulated as she's been this late week? She's so great at what she does. You have to see how much energy she has when she's caring for the patients. I'm proud of her for wanting to get back to work when she still having some health issues, and at the same time I'm concerned that she's going to overdo it and it could effect her long term health? I know that I have a strong wife, and that it's best that I just let her follow her heart. God with guide her and protect her. I just have to let go of my want to protect my wife, and pray for her long term success.
Lulu and I are fast approaching our 13th year of marriage. Those years have flown by and much has happen to both of us through the years, but I don't think this year we'll be looking back, but instead looking forward to the next decade of sharing our life's together? It's hard to believe that on a Warm humid April Saturday in Puerto Rico that we tied the knot in matrimony. Today I was thinking about how I couldn't ask for a better person to spend my last 13 years with? Lulu and I when out to dinner and a movie to celebrate our big anniversary, and I'm not sure the last time that I have enjoyed her company more?
Monday, April 5, 2010
Lulu goes back to work at DFK
Today I'm thankful for...
My beautiful wife healthy enough to get back to what she loves
My chance to be more involved with my kids
Family unity
Having so much
As we wake this Monday morning to a layer of fresh snow in April, this is the first day of Lulu returning to the office. She wanted me to post a note of gratitude before she set off to the passion that she loves. Here's what she had to say;
As my first day back at the office gets closer my emotions are high and low. At times I am so exited, and other so sad. To think all we have gone thru these past months. Sometimes I feel it is still all a bad dream. That I will be back at the office and will be back to normal... it has been so hard for me to talk about my feelings...Some of my coping skills have been keeping myself as busy and my energy level allows me to be. It helps me not to feel 'sick', different from everyone around me or even resentful of the why me. I am so gratetful for all the lessons learned, for all the support for all the people that have touch and change our lives. I know that God has been with me every step of the way. He did not give me this cancer, he has given me so much. Great doctors that are watching and taken care of me, wonderful friends and an amazing family. We finally took a family picture. I was looking forward to do it as we do every year. We did not do it during the holidays as I was still recuperationg from my surgery. I have such a beatiful and great kids. I have such a loving, patient and supportive husband. I feel guilty for all have put them thru this year. To look at my boys, Carter, Thomas and Hamilton, and see how much they have grown. To see Lourdes, how happy and healthy she is keeps reminding my of Gods miracles and how much he really loves me.
I am ready for the next chapter of our lives!
Hugs to everyone,
Lulu
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Following up with the UCSF doctors
Today I'm thankful for...
Very loving kids
Wonderful wife that is living life freely
Great medical care
God
Lulu and I made a trip down to the UCSF cancer clinic yesterday. Lulu had a scheduled appointment to see all the doctors that have been caring for her so far. We left after dropping the boys off at Our Lady of the Snows school. I knew the drive was going to be difficult, because the weather had turned cold and snowy one day prior to this trip. The weather didn't disappoint either. We needed to pass through two chain controls stations; one at Gold ranch and the other in Truckee. It looked as if mother nature had dumped 2 to 3 feet of snow in areas over the pass? Lucky though there weren't too many cars or trucks making the trip to Sacramento on a snowy Wednesday morning. I was glad that we had driven the All wheel drive van, and not the Prius, because if we had, I think that we might still be trying to cross the Sierra Nevada mountains? I really hope that this is the last time that we need to be worried about wintry weather when Lulu and I are to be driving over to San Francisco?
Lulu and I arrived at the clinic just in time to make her first appointment scheduled for 1 PM. She was scheduled to see the breast surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the radiation oncologist, and the much anticipated appointment with the oncologist (she was to talk about the next steps in Lulu's treatment, and what to expect in the next phase of battling this disease?) Given the chance Lulu was thinking about expanding her chest size, and I took that as a good sign that she was thinking about vanity and not so much about severity of her condition? She told the plastic surgeon that after going through all this cancer treatment this last year, she was going to get something out of it all, and since she couldn't be a DD (porno boobs), she was "going as large as I can get". I think that she was looking good and didn't need to increase in size, but the choice is making her happy, so I keep quiet.
After Lulu received her 50 cc of saline to expand her breasts to a "full C cup", we spent a good 40 minutes with the oncologist on the how far she's come, and what more is ahead? The oncologist explained that because the cancer wasn't very responsive to the chemotherapy that Lulu needs to have total estrogen suppression for the rest of her life, and there was talk about the removal of the ovaries if her cycle returns and the estrogen levels in her body increase. The oncologist explained that the chance of the cancer reappearing is directly related to the amounts of estrogen that Lulu's body is producing, so every that can be done to stop it is needed. Also, there was discussion on the chance of cancer cells in the blood and the bone marrow (where the blood cells are produced), so Lulu will undergo a bone marrow biopsy to find out if she has enough cancer cells invading her bone marrow to qualify Lulu for a experimental drug treatment to eliminate these cancer cells? So once the consents were discussed and signed Lulu was scheduled for a Bone Marrow Biopsy procedure in mid-May.
Once our stressful day of consultations with a half dozen health care providers, we were done and could start our 4.5 hours drive back to Reno. It donned on me that either all the UCSF medical providers were very caring individuals, or that Lulu feel into that very high risk cancer category and they were really feeling sorry for her? Lulu stated that she really likes all the medical team that is caring for her, but she wished that she didn't have to see them anymore? That really summed up my feelings too.
If Lulu is a candidate for the drug trial for the bone marrow treatment, she would need to be seen in the clinic for blood tests and follow ups once per month, and that would last for 6 months starting in June. Lulu is to have a second surgery to replace the tissue expanders that she now has with saline implants that will be her final breast fillers. So as much as she's been through there's still more trips to San Francisco and more meetings with her health care providers.
As we made are way back home, Lulu and I talked, cried, and discussed where we were at in our life's. It was nice to have her alone to share our feelings with each other, and secretly hoped that we would have many more of these ride together to share each other's company?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I'm thinking about a long future together
Today I'm thankful for...
Living a lifestyle that I myself envy
Being healthy
Having a place to go to everyday that I enjoy
Seeing the glass as all the way "full", with a little water dripping out
Our days have been consumed by the office politics lately. There seems to be a million and one hurtles to over come during this last few weeks, and no end in site. Having a small business can be extremely time consuming; however, most of the time the result are so gratifying that more than worth the efforts. Lulu has accepted a position supervising the Pediatric Dental residents from UNLV dental school, so she can still be involved in the profession that she has loved and worked in for the last 12 years. She will be traveling to Fallon one to two weeks per month to help the residents treat children at the Fallon Indian Colony. I think that she'll really enjoy working with the 5 or 6 residents from the program. Lulu is a educator at heart, and that is one of the things that makes her such a good kids dentist. She is always teaching the patients (and their parents) in the office everything from proper tooth brushing to what are the most current trends in clothing (especially the girls). I can't wait until next week to see Lulu get back to what she most desperately misses, kids dentistry. There has been talk about a return to Dentistry for Kids on a part time basis. The plan is for Lulu to see a limited schedule of patients starting in late April. She has spoken many times about her need to get back to her calling, though I think after being out of the office for 10 months, she is nervous about her return? I know that her right arm is bothering her daily, because I can see her favoring the left; however, she good a hiding it. I just wonder if the effects of removal on 20+ lymphnodes from the underarm of her right side will slow her down in the long term? So far not a whole lot has slow Luz deLourdes Molina-Wilkerson. This is one tough Puerto Rican girl.
Our families life has become more predictable in these last two weeks. We are settling into a pattern that more predicable then anything that we've seen in these last 10 months. The boys are doing well with their Mommy's diagnosis, and we now talk about the longer term future, not only about what stage of cancer treatment that Mom's going through. I think that Lulu and I have tried hard to put on a "everything just fine" face, and mostly talked about the disease between ourselves. I really think that including the boys in some parts of Mom's treatments and her feelings during these times was important? Who knows what the long term effects of having a mother, and wife go through the difficult struggle as she has? I have to believe that all the kids (and the husband) are going to be stronger for it? I have definitely noticed the family has been closer these last 10 months as we've ever been before. Again reinforcing my belief that every thing happens for a purpose and it's just sometimes you have to wait awhile to find out what those are.
I haven't been afflicted lately with those thoughts of my wife not being around to care for her family one day. Just a short while ago I would wake up nights, sweating profusely, just having a vague feeling of dread that Lulu was going to be there for us. I had thoughts of what I was going to do to survive this world alone? It was like a recurring nightmare that I couldn't escape from. (now I don't sleep because I have a 9 month old girl crying most of the night). I like the nights of baby crying much more then praying that I wouldn't have another one of my terrible dreams of being alone when I woke up. I grateful to be able to think about the rest of my wife with my lovely spouse of 13 years. (on April 26).
Living a lifestyle that I myself envy
Being healthy
Having a place to go to everyday that I enjoy
Seeing the glass as all the way "full", with a little water dripping out
Our days have been consumed by the office politics lately. There seems to be a million and one hurtles to over come during this last few weeks, and no end in site. Having a small business can be extremely time consuming; however, most of the time the result are so gratifying that more than worth the efforts. Lulu has accepted a position supervising the Pediatric Dental residents from UNLV dental school, so she can still be involved in the profession that she has loved and worked in for the last 12 years. She will be traveling to Fallon one to two weeks per month to help the residents treat children at the Fallon Indian Colony. I think that she'll really enjoy working with the 5 or 6 residents from the program. Lulu is a educator at heart, and that is one of the things that makes her such a good kids dentist. She is always teaching the patients (and their parents) in the office everything from proper tooth brushing to what are the most current trends in clothing (especially the girls). I can't wait until next week to see Lulu get back to what she most desperately misses, kids dentistry. There has been talk about a return to Dentistry for Kids on a part time basis. The plan is for Lulu to see a limited schedule of patients starting in late April. She has spoken many times about her need to get back to her calling, though I think after being out of the office for 10 months, she is nervous about her return? I know that her right arm is bothering her daily, because I can see her favoring the left; however, she good a hiding it. I just wonder if the effects of removal on 20+ lymphnodes from the underarm of her right side will slow her down in the long term? So far not a whole lot has slow Luz deLourdes Molina-Wilkerson. This is one tough Puerto Rican girl.
Our families life has become more predictable in these last two weeks. We are settling into a pattern that more predicable then anything that we've seen in these last 10 months. The boys are doing well with their Mommy's diagnosis, and we now talk about the longer term future, not only about what stage of cancer treatment that Mom's going through. I think that Lulu and I have tried hard to put on a "everything just fine" face, and mostly talked about the disease between ourselves. I really think that including the boys in some parts of Mom's treatments and her feelings during these times was important? Who knows what the long term effects of having a mother, and wife go through the difficult struggle as she has? I have to believe that all the kids (and the husband) are going to be stronger for it? I have definitely noticed the family has been closer these last 10 months as we've ever been before. Again reinforcing my belief that every thing happens for a purpose and it's just sometimes you have to wait awhile to find out what those are.
I haven't been afflicted lately with those thoughts of my wife not being around to care for her family one day. Just a short while ago I would wake up nights, sweating profusely, just having a vague feeling of dread that Lulu was going to be there for us. I had thoughts of what I was going to do to survive this world alone? It was like a recurring nightmare that I couldn't escape from. (now I don't sleep because I have a 9 month old girl crying most of the night). I like the nights of baby crying much more then praying that I wouldn't have another one of my terrible dreams of being alone when I woke up. I grateful to be able to think about the rest of my wife with my lovely spouse of 13 years. (on April 26).
Friday, March 12, 2010
Lourdes and Lulu touch me in a special way
Today I'm thinking about...
How I can have a positive influence on others
Taking a break from the ever seemingly reminders of the office
My new commitment to staying healthy
My luck being chosen to be Lourdes' Daddy
Lulu and I are trying to get our life's back to the routines that we once enjoyed. No matter how hard we try, it will never be the same for us. In a way that fact is exciting and we look forward to our new future with four kids, a wife with cancer, and a new direction career wise. As you can tell, I'm not as frequent with my updates these last few weeks. I have been selfish with my time. Deciding to spend more of it with my family. I can't tell you how much that I have a new appreciation of my time and how I use it. Not that I've ever been frivolous with my use of time, but I'm just more aware of how limited it can be.
My lovely wife has been spending her time organizing her and our families life's. That I take is a good sign for continued improvement in her health? Lulu has been voicing her concerns about her future as Dr. Molina the strong, compassionate, and devoted pediatric dentist that she once was. She, I believe, is fighting those thoughts of self confidence and wondering if she can return to the pace and the devotion that she showed before starting her life altering journey almost one year ago? That constant balancing act of motherhood and a professional career. Just a little bump on either side of the continuum can cause a fierce anxiety in her life. It is all just another chance to grow as a human being. A part of becoming a better, stronger, and wiser person. I can't wait to see how this all will shape my best friend and hero?
Lourdes I think has grown more in this last week then the whole last couple of months? I spent most of the afternoon with her today, and we had fun playing Peek-a-Boo, rolling around on the floor, making a mess of her face and clothes while attempting to eat, and changing it seemed like a endless supply of poppy diapers (I think that she holds it all in until Daddy is in charge)? I just love to look at her round fat baby face, and I can't help but see both Mommy's features in there. Her nose is a miniature form of Lulu's, and those big eyes seemed to have been plucked right from Mommy's face (even though her eyes are blue? Lourdes was sucking down the milk tonight. Just when I thought that she had had enough of the white sweet cow juice, she would make sure that I knew that she wanting more. I think that I put her to bed twice now. She wasn't having going to sleep in her crib on her own. She has been held to fall asleep for most of her 9 months, and isn't adjusting to having to cry herself to sleep. (how can you blame her, I think all of us like to be held when we fall asleep no matter what age we are)? This girl thing, so far, has been one of the best things that has happened to me. I can barely wait until tomorrow to see what new experiences that we can share together?
My most recent book I finished again give me a thankfulness and appreciation of what we have in the US. Anderson Cooper's, Dispatches From The Edge,was an enlightening story of courage, humility, and caring that opened me more to my promise of giving back to people and caring for less fortunate persons somewhere on this great big world. I have completed some of the details of my missionary trip to Belize for January 2011, and I have been researching what more I can do? It's in all of us this need to give back, some people call it "pay it forward". If we can all just act upon these feelings, we can have a better world to live in. Next time you have a opportunity to change a life, take it, the time might never present itself again?
How I can have a positive influence on others
Taking a break from the ever seemingly reminders of the office
My new commitment to staying healthy
My luck being chosen to be Lourdes' Daddy
Lulu and I are trying to get our life's back to the routines that we once enjoyed. No matter how hard we try, it will never be the same for us. In a way that fact is exciting and we look forward to our new future with four kids, a wife with cancer, and a new direction career wise. As you can tell, I'm not as frequent with my updates these last few weeks. I have been selfish with my time. Deciding to spend more of it with my family. I can't tell you how much that I have a new appreciation of my time and how I use it. Not that I've ever been frivolous with my use of time, but I'm just more aware of how limited it can be.
My lovely wife has been spending her time organizing her and our families life's. That I take is a good sign for continued improvement in her health? Lulu has been voicing her concerns about her future as Dr. Molina the strong, compassionate, and devoted pediatric dentist that she once was. She, I believe, is fighting those thoughts of self confidence and wondering if she can return to the pace and the devotion that she showed before starting her life altering journey almost one year ago? That constant balancing act of motherhood and a professional career. Just a little bump on either side of the continuum can cause a fierce anxiety in her life. It is all just another chance to grow as a human being. A part of becoming a better, stronger, and wiser person. I can't wait to see how this all will shape my best friend and hero?
Lourdes I think has grown more in this last week then the whole last couple of months? I spent most of the afternoon with her today, and we had fun playing Peek-a-Boo, rolling around on the floor, making a mess of her face and clothes while attempting to eat, and changing it seemed like a endless supply of poppy diapers (I think that she holds it all in until Daddy is in charge)? I just love to look at her round fat baby face, and I can't help but see both Mommy's features in there. Her nose is a miniature form of Lulu's, and those big eyes seemed to have been plucked right from Mommy's face (even though her eyes are blue? Lourdes was sucking down the milk tonight. Just when I thought that she had had enough of the white sweet cow juice, she would make sure that I knew that she wanting more. I think that I put her to bed twice now. She wasn't having going to sleep in her crib on her own. She has been held to fall asleep for most of her 9 months, and isn't adjusting to having to cry herself to sleep. (how can you blame her, I think all of us like to be held when we fall asleep no matter what age we are)? This girl thing, so far, has been one of the best things that has happened to me. I can barely wait until tomorrow to see what new experiences that we can share together?
My most recent book I finished again give me a thankfulness and appreciation of what we have in the US. Anderson Cooper's, Dispatches From The Edge,was an enlightening story of courage, humility, and caring that opened me more to my promise of giving back to people and caring for less fortunate persons somewhere on this great big world. I have completed some of the details of my missionary trip to Belize for January 2011, and I have been researching what more I can do? It's in all of us this need to give back, some people call it "pay it forward". If we can all just act upon these feelings, we can have a better world to live in. Next time you have a opportunity to change a life, take it, the time might never present itself again?
Monday, March 1, 2010
We return from San Francisco
Today I'm grateful for...
Being with my family for all life's events
Long walks
Seemingly unlimited love to give
Rewarding and fun things filling my days
Lulu and I just returned from San Francisco with the kids. We had a small celebration to mark the wonderful event, and plan on really celebrating the occasion tomorrow with spending time together as a family. Lulu has just finished her 5 week radiation treatment, and has most of the major steps to beating this cancer completed. It's been a difficult 9 months for all of us, but she's been strong like always (what's new there?). There's many things about having Stage III breast cancer that are negative, but there are some positives also; like getting to have reconstructive breast augmentation and ones asking why you did it? Or being pushed into evaluating your future closely and make some enlightening discoveries. Or me getting to spend more quality time with my wife and learn more about her beautiful character.
Lulu will be taking both oral cancer medications, and hormone therapy for the next 5 years (that's what they say). Lulu's also strongly thinking about taking a new trial drug that would help to prevent the cancer cells from invading her body in the future (the doctors seem to think that she should do this, I guess she is at high risk for relapse?).
I have a strong, determined wife and I'm lucky to be a part of her life. Though many things for her have changed, the positive mindset and assertiveness remain. It's hard not to believe in a higher being shaping our futures when you think about all the great things that I have had laid on me during my 44 years? How was I drawn to Lulu? To being with her during all that has effected her life lately. Most days I can't believe my luck, and I wonder if all of it can be taken away? I'm so glad that I'm here for her and I know that she has greatly benefited from me in her life.
I have been sent another book (read through the Kindle application on my iPhone) to help me to realize just how fortunate that I am. When we think that we have been handed a deck of Spades, there always seems to be a knock on my door, and at mt house's entry is some kind of inspiring message waiting for me. I cried through the last chapter of Marcus Luttrell's, Lone Survivor, The Eyewitness Account Of Operation Redwing and The Lost Heros Of Seal Team 10. I was left wondering how does one endure watching your friends, that have saved you from your ultimate demise, die in front and next to you, and you can't do anything to help them? I realize that dying, unless from advanced age, is difficult to make sense of, and many times is senseless! I can only control how I react to life, I can't change it. If you want understand the sacrifices that our man and women in uniform give to keep this country free, this is the book to clearly identify who they might be? I can't wait to have the next inspirational message sneak through my door.
Being with my family for all life's events
Long walks
Seemingly unlimited love to give
Rewarding and fun things filling my days
Lulu and I just returned from San Francisco with the kids. We had a small celebration to mark the wonderful event, and plan on really celebrating the occasion tomorrow with spending time together as a family. Lulu has just finished her 5 week radiation treatment, and has most of the major steps to beating this cancer completed. It's been a difficult 9 months for all of us, but she's been strong like always (what's new there?). There's many things about having Stage III breast cancer that are negative, but there are some positives also; like getting to have reconstructive breast augmentation and ones asking why you did it? Or being pushed into evaluating your future closely and make some enlightening discoveries. Or me getting to spend more quality time with my wife and learn more about her beautiful character.
Lulu will be taking both oral cancer medications, and hormone therapy for the next 5 years (that's what they say). Lulu's also strongly thinking about taking a new trial drug that would help to prevent the cancer cells from invading her body in the future (the doctors seem to think that she should do this, I guess she is at high risk for relapse?).
I have a strong, determined wife and I'm lucky to be a part of her life. Though many things for her have changed, the positive mindset and assertiveness remain. It's hard not to believe in a higher being shaping our futures when you think about all the great things that I have had laid on me during my 44 years? How was I drawn to Lulu? To being with her during all that has effected her life lately. Most days I can't believe my luck, and I wonder if all of it can be taken away? I'm so glad that I'm here for her and I know that she has greatly benefited from me in her life.
I have been sent another book (read through the Kindle application on my iPhone) to help me to realize just how fortunate that I am. When we think that we have been handed a deck of Spades, there always seems to be a knock on my door, and at mt house's entry is some kind of inspiring message waiting for me. I cried through the last chapter of Marcus Luttrell's, Lone Survivor, The Eyewitness Account Of Operation Redwing and The Lost Heros Of Seal Team 10. I was left wondering how does one endure watching your friends, that have saved you from your ultimate demise, die in front and next to you, and you can't do anything to help them? I realize that dying, unless from advanced age, is difficult to make sense of, and many times is senseless! I can only control how I react to life, I can't change it. If you want understand the sacrifices that our man and women in uniform give to keep this country free, this is the book to clearly identify who they might be? I can't wait to have the next inspirational message sneak through my door.
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