Seeing the therapist

Today I'm grateful for...
Struggling today with Lulu's diagnosis, been praying that we found it early enough.
Baby Lourdes up in weight 6 cc and eating, sleeping, pooping well
Appreciating the time together with Lulu and the kids
Know that all the adversities in life will make us stronger as a family

Lulu and I went to see the counselor today. We have been seeing a therapist to help us strengthen our marriage off and on for years, and now more then ever we needed him for the guidance of handling these new challenges. I know that we find benefitted greatly from facing our differences as a couple through the years. Our coach (as I like to call him) we originally found through the catholic church, so we have experienced this encounter with a christian hand.

I went to see Baby Lourdes after our morning appointment with the coach. Lulu went home to rest for a while. Lourdes was doing will on her new oxygen supply and the RT was even contemplating taking off the C-pap and placing her onto a cannula oxygen delivery system? That would be nice, because on the C-pap we could see Lourdes' face very well and couldn't hold her. They said that tonight they could change her and the tomorrow we could hold her in our arms. I stayed for a couple of hours then wanted to get home to be with Lulu when she got the call with the results from yesterday's biopsy.

I got hame at 4:30 PM. Lulu didn't seem depressed so I was hopeful that the results would be favorable? She told me that she hadn't had the chance to lay down earlier to rest and she ask me to join her in the bed so we could spend some time together. I knew what the diagnosis had been! We laid together hugging and she said "the biopsy was positive for a invasive ductal carcinoma just as we had thought", she went on to explain that we would know if the cancer was a hormone receptor positive type of carcinoma? (which we learned makes the tumor more receptive to chemotherapy). This wouldn't be known until Monday at the earliest. My minuscule hope for a non-malignant diagnosis was shattered. Lulu and felt so alone at that moment. Even though we were there holding each other, we were so scared about the next steps. No more, "it's probably not cancer. Your too young to have cancer. There's no history of cancer in your family. You have no risk factors." All those hopes faded away. I was thinking, as I hugged Lulu, why this happen to this wonderful, caring, honest, loving, happy, pretty women? We lay together, I think in shock, but each of us trying to accept Lulu's diagnosis. What do you say to your loved one facing a diagnosis like this? I just told her that we do this together, and I would always be there for her. "I love you incredibly much, and I'm so very sad that this is happening to you." I remember thinking how hollow these words sounded. It was a long time before either one of us spoke again.