Sleepless nights watching over Lourdes

Today I'm grateful for...

Daughter Lourdes gettig stronger today, and I thank God for blessing us with her

Seeing 6 year old Thomas graduate from Kindergarden

Lots of loving, supportive family to share difficult times with

Feeling good enough to stand, sit, and walk

Living in Reno

Today we celebrated Baby Lourdes' 2.5 day birthday. I spent a mostly sleepless night, waiting for the phone call from the NICU unit (or Lulu still in the postpartem department at Saint Marys) telling us Lourdes was not doing well or worse. I remember thinking how being only a 20 minute car ride to see her, but feeling continents away from her. The anticipation as I drove into the hospital that morning was palpable, and as I saw Lulu's face my concerns quickly faded away. Lulu said that Lourdes had a good night, and that she had the chance to see her a couple of times during the night. We mostly took turns watching over the angelic girl today. But this morning was my turn to be alone with Lourdes, while Lulu completed her breast pumping routine. I cherished the moments that I was to get alone with my first little girl. Just I had the opportunity with my three older boys, I had many chances to bond, grow, and learn solo with my kids. I didn't know it at the time, but these moments between Lourdes and I would be therapeutic in dealing with the future diagnosis coming our families' way.

As I sat vigilantly observing every diminutive detail of Baby Lourdes, I barely noticed the whizing, bleeping, buzzing of all the machines that had been attached, sometime during the last night, to her small frame Her future flashed before me and the struggle was only beginning for her. I felt this incredible sense of helplessness. Not being able to understand whether or not she's feeling the difficulty of breathing or the discomfort of the needles protuding form it seemed about every appendage? We know that she was a fighter (of course she would be having that Pueto Rican blood in her), but could the crisis' she's facing be too much? It's amazing to see the Neonatal nurses stay so positive, and we greatly appreciate the support that they have been giving us. We know that it's there job to take care of the babies, but do do it with a smile and the compassion we've experienced is just short of a miracle! As day turned into night, lulu and I sat with Lourdes, not wanting to leave her even for a moment. We ended the day with "The Lord's Prayer", and prayed God to help Baby Lourdes be stronger tomorrow.