What's the future?

Today I'm feeling happy because...
I have gotten some sleep
The older boys are back in school
Lulu's feeling better
The future looks good

As I lay in my "Zero Gravity Chair" typing on my laptop (I haven't used the desk top home computer ever since I got my Apple Powerbook three months ago), I'm thinking about the future. I left the office this morning early to come home and rest my back. It's giving me some problems this morning. I was hoping after having two back surgeries, lots of Physical Therapy, steroid spinal injections (all in the last two years), that I might have gotten past the back issues? I have to admit that I haven't been seeing the Physical Therapist since I had the last epidural block in July. I guess that I had better follow up with the Neurosurgeon, and get on the healthy path again?

I'm also thinking about the future of Lulu's health. She says that she has gotten over those sick feelings that accompanied her after last weeks chemotherapy appointment, and most of the bone pain from the Neulasta has subsided. Since she's been getting up mostly with Lourdes at night because I've been working at the office, I'm tickled pink that she's feeling better again. It's hard to see anyone go through the unpleasantness of a sickness, and even more difficult when they're your wife. I know that November's surgery date is two and half months from now, but I can tell that the date is weighting heavily on Lulu? I've brought up that we have such a great support system, so whatever will make her more comfortable going through all the pre surgery preparations, and everything that comes with the recovery we'll make happen. I'm hopefully that she will take advantage of all the help that's been offered?

I think about and pray that other families won't have to ever endure the types of issues that ours is going through recently. I don't say this for sympathy (I realize that the fact is everyone of us faces adversity at some point between birth and death), but for everyone; I pray that these kinds of events don't happen within a short span of time? I know that we will be able to look back on this year and talk about, "Remember When", but for right now we fixed on the tasks at hand.

I'm excited about spending the next few days with the new baby. I haven't got a lot of opportunities to bond with Lourdes these last two days. Since Sunday (where I spent most of the day with her), I have only gotten to feed her once, but I have gotten to hear her cry most every night, and I can tell you that she's breathing just fine, as can be heard in the loud cries that she musters. I did think that a 6 pound 14 week premature baby could product that many decibels?Tonight I'm going to be snuggling her, feeding her, changing her, and looking at her pretty face all night long. I'm sure that Lourdes is going to get (is already starting) some very undivided attention during her life time?

Isn't it funny how you remember feeling towards each of your children. I remember when Carter (our first born) was an infant; Lulu and I worried so much about things that we should be doing for a new baby that we didn't really enjoy him. (I remember us wiping down the tables at restaurants with antibacterial wipes before sitting him up in the high chair, changing his clothes what seemed like a hundred times/day, washing all his clothes is special laundry detergent(and expensive), and not letting anyone touch him because we were afraid that he might contract some deadly disease) Now looking back, I think, "I wish that I had enjoyed all those little events that I don't remember now". So, when Lulu and I brought "cutie boy" Thomas into this world; we were more relaxed and the plan was to enjoy his growth and development more this time around? But we found now having two boys our life's were filled with activities like Gymborie, play dates, and trips to Disneyland. The enjoyment of the second wasn't as fulfilling as we had once hoped. So since we had miss out on the enjoyment of the early years with the first two, we just knew that we must have another. Hamilton (no idea how we came up with his name) came along and let me tell you we had enjoyed this little ball of energy immensely. I just thought that this stocky, brave, headstrong boy was the cutest thing ever to enter my life. I remember telling Lulu that I never took the chance to enjoy those little things with the older boys, and that I had a plan to be there for everything with Hamilton. As it turned out, I loved the interaction so much with #3 that I couldn't hardly wait for Lourdes (#4) to be born. The newest plan is for Lulu and I to enjoy all of our children's evolutions, and not let a day go by that we don't hug them (try to kiss them, Carter's 9 though). We also have a verbal past to hug and kiss each other in front of them daily. How can we not have children that grow to be loving, caring human beings?