The $10,000 test

Today I'm thankful for...
Ibuprofen for my aching back
A strong wife
Quality healthcare
Not having to worry about the kids or Lourdes

I woke this morning with a sore back. I'm not sure, but I normally sleep on a fairly hard bed. My cousins Chris' bed is little softer then I'm used to, so I was feeling a creaky when I woke up. Though I'm feeling better with the 400 mg of Ibuprofen that I took this morning. I have been feeling really good in the back pain department the last week or so. Just a small bump in the road?

I'm waiting for Lulu to finish her MRI guided breast biopsy on the left breast. The Puerto Rican assertiveness showed this morning when Lulu requested to know the exact procedure that was to be done and why someone had called to tell her that it would be $10,000? Apparently, this is why we came to UCSF for the advanced technology and expertise in diagnosis and treatment of breast cancer. (thank you Principal Life insurance for allowing us to have insurance coverage with your company). Lulu wanted the specifics to how this test could cost $10,000? What exactly would be done, and why the test was important. None of this had been explained to her (nor I), due to the fact that we weren't seen by the breast surgeon two weeks ago when we were here (it seems that she's been on vacation and won't return until next week). As it turns out the MRI biopsy test will more accurate then a fine needle biopsy due to the fact that the doctors concerned that the mass could be attached to the underlying muscle(s)? Lulu questioned why they haven't done this specific test on the right breast? Lots of unanswered questions arising, and I need to help Lulu get them answered before she really becomes more frustrated! (you don't want a frustrated Puerto Rican women named Lulu to deal with). My only input was "just let them do their job, this is why we are coming here, don't worry about the cost". Off she went at 9:00 for the her two hours of testing.

I think during these tests is when I feel the greatest sadness? I can't be there to hold her hand or see her smile. It's a feeling of helplessness. Waiting for her to re-emerge from the "secretive back area", see her again and hug her. As we travel through this journey together, I feel more incomplete each time that she's not at my side. I just want to be there for her (and myself all the time).

I'm thinking about how scared she is; not knowing what they are doing this time and what the next test will show? How does she do it all? Mother of four kids, one in the NICU for two months now, exceptional wife, extraordinary kids dentist, reliable friend, wonderful sister, caring daughter, great leader, precise planner, and as most everyone knows hard to beat shopping skills. (I'll put my wife up against the best in the world). I'm so lucky that she chose me to spend her life with!

Tonight is the breast cancer support group at 5:30. It will be the first support group that I've been to, but I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences. I just hope that I can bring something to the group? I'm a little nervous about sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with total strangers. Interesting how events like cancer open doors to a whole new world that most of us would never experience. Lulu and I are experiencing many new things, and growing from them daily.

I know that I've said this before (probably a million times) but thank you all for the prayers, support, food, ideas, and love shown to us these last two months. Lulu reads the "guestbook" entries everyday and I can see how they strengthen her with every word. Tonight I promise to share with you the results of the day!