Lourdes loses her premature look

Today I'm thankful for...
Making new friends
Having the support and love from friends and family
Being able to love someone as much as I do my wife
Sharing memories with my family

I haven't given an update on Baby Lourdes for a few days. I went to the hospital yesterday to hold her from 9:00 to 11:30 AM. She is really looking like a little girl. There was a exciting event that happened while I was snuggling her. The respiratory therapist thought that she could be placed on low flow O2 (from the hight flow that she's been on for the last three weeks, and he changed out her oxygen unit while I was holding her. The RT needed to closely monitor Lourdes for the next hour and she did great. One of the issues that Lourdes is continuing to experience is becoming Bradycardic (her heart either slows it's pace to inefficiently oxygenate her or stops all together). In the past few weeks she has shown this trend many times in a 24 hour period. Secondly, she just forgets to breath occasionally (I know that sounds kind of simple, but premature infant do this regularly) and this causes her not to get enough O2 also. Since Lourdes has been regularly doing the above, I was a little concerned that she wouldn't tolerate the low flow O2 well? I was proven wrong. Baby Lourdes did well the whole 2 hours I was there (she did have one Bradycardic episode).

I love all my four kids, but this holding time I get with Lourdes is extra special little girl and her Daddy time that my boys never got. (I was very involved in their feedings, diaper changes, and holdings but with the boys it had a different feel). I almost feel a guilty that Lourdes is getting so much bonding with daddy. I have made sure that the boys get time with their mommy, and I know that I need to make sure that they still knows that their dad loves them and wants to be with them?

Mommy and I got a chance to return at 7:30 PM. Since I was the holder this morning, I left all tonight's snuggling to Lulu. As she held her saying a little prayer into Lourdes ear, I just absorbed the moment. I was trying to become one with my wife and Lourdes as I sat looking at the two embrace tightly. I couldn't take my thoughts away from the cancer. Lulu looked so happy, vibrant, healthy. How could this insidious mutant be invading her space and interrupting our lives. After 20 minutes of just watching the two bond as only and mommy and baby can, I excused myself to the NICU waiting area until they had finished. (I actually fell a sleep for an hour on the couch). I couldn't stay there and watch for it was depressing me, and the hardest thing that I have no control what happens next.