Seeing the glass half full

Today I'm grateful for...
My iPhone (I don't think that I've purchased anything in my life that I love as much as this?)
Swimming time with my boys
Holding Baby Lourdes
Having great dinners brought over (that I can't eat due to my foolish pact)

Yesterday was a quiet day. Both Lulu and I saw Baby Lourdes at different times in the day. I worked at the office until 1 PM then ran to St. Mary's for some Lourdes and Daddy time (a lot of it was Lourdes and sleeping daddy time). I stayed until 3 PM, then I needed to pick up the boys from Science camp. Lulu had gone in the morning for some Mommy and Baby Lourdes time (I'm guessing with the resent chemo treatment she was doing some sleeping as well?). Lourdes did well for me, only dropping below the 85% O2 saturation level a few times. She was recovering with these desaturations much quicker then even days ago. She's getting 36 cc of the formula alternating with Lulu's breast milk every 3 hours. The super fantastic NICU nurses told me that she had gained more weight. All I know is that every time I see her she looks more like a little girl and not like a premature infant (and she gets more beautiful each visit).

Lulu said that she felt almost normal today (? what that means, but I'll take it as good?). Tomorrow she has a appointment with the oncologist here in Reno. So, if she has any issues with her chemotherapy while here in Reno, she has a local doctor to take care of her. There also maybe a chance that she will move up here to Reno for a part of the chemotherapy regiment and not have to make the 4.5 hour trip twice a month? I think that she also mentioned she was getting fitted for a wig tomorrow (let's just hope it's not the strawberry blond one that I posted her wearing last week?

Thursday started with me dropping the older boys off at Science camp and then making a trip to the DMV. I've been using a driver's license in which has the address cut off (error on the DMV's part) for the last 5 years, and just now forced myself to do something about it. I think that through those 5 years I've been asked more about what's my address and zip code, then what's the J. stand for? (for those of you that don't know I spell my name J., and it gets quite a few inquires about it's origins). But the real reason that I brought this DMV think up is that I ran into a past employee of Dentistry for Kids that has been working in the DMV since leaving our office 5 years ago. It was nice to see her and share some of the events in both of our lives (well most I told her about having 4 kids now, and Baby Lourdes, Dr. Molina's cancer, and my back surgeries). I sometimes feel like I'm telling a fictional story of someone else's life? It doesn't seem real that all of this has happened to our family in the last two years!

I see the glass as mostly full though. No matter what negative, depressing, tragic, or upsetting things that happen in life; you can always find the positives out of all the craziness. This is why I have been keeping a gratitude journal. I give most of my days 5 stars (the highest possible number) because I can see how daily events positively effect my life. I've had this conversation with Lulu (A big part of those 5 stars) and she took this one step further. She thinks that everything happens for a reason and all that happening in our lives in just time will make since why God has given us the challenge? I couldn't agree with her more (but I wouldn't ever tell her that).

I met Lulu at 4:00 PM at the Oncologist's office near St. Mary's. After a brief time in the waiting area (15 minutes, not bad. I just had to get that in here), we were warmly greeted by the nurse that took us back to the examination room. I'm really impressed with Lulu's ability to regurgitate the details of her cancer diagnosis. This also makes me understand that she has a grasp on her unmitigated circumstances. I'm there for support, and rarely say more than "I'm J." after she says this is my husband. I'm learning some things that I've never been able to understand; and that's you can learn more from listening then opening your mouth and speaking (man is it hard). After the history of the diagnosis, doctor's examination, and all Lulu's questions being answered. The oncology doctor ask me, "are you OK?" I knew exactly what he meant, but Lulu thought that he saw me squirming in my chair and she answered that I was having back issues and I had difficulty sitting still. But I knew that he was more interested in my mental status dealing with my loved one's cancer diagnosis? I wanted to say, "No I'm not Ok, how does one deal with the fact that their best friend, lover, confidant is going through this life threatening battle with a heinous disease like breast cancer." But I just said, "nothing", that's much easier then the truth!

Now that we had a local source for Lulu's healthcare, if needed, we both felt more at ease. (by the way the whole experience was very nice). Lulu also shared that just this morning UCSF had called about scheduling the biopsy for the mass that the MRI had found last week while we were there. She had scheduled this for the day before the next chemotherapy treatment (which is next Friday the 24). I had been thinking about the hotel arrangements for this next trip down. I was thinking of contacting one of my cousins that lives in the city, and see if his place was open for us next week (just in case the "rusty door" is full?).

Two things that will help me to sleep better tonight are: 1. How great friends and family have been in our time of need, and 2. How good Lulu's been doing in her first week since starting the chemotherapy.

I can't express enough gratitude for both of these being true!