Seeing the therapist

Today I'm grateful for...
Struggling today with Lulu's diagnosis, been praying that we found it early enough.
Baby Lourdes up in weight 6 cc and eating, sleeping, pooping well
Appreciating the time together with Lulu and the kids
Know that all the adversities in life will make us stronger as a family

Lulu and I went to see the counselor today. We have been seeing a therapist to help us strengthen our marriage off and on for years, and now more then ever we needed him for the guidance of handling these new challenges. I know that we find benefitted greatly from facing our differences as a couple through the years. Our coach (as I like to call him) we originally found through the catholic church, so we have experienced this encounter with a christian hand.

I went to see Baby Lourdes after our morning appointment with the coach. Lulu went home to rest for a while. Lourdes was doing will on her new oxygen supply and the RT was even contemplating taking off the C-pap and placing her onto a cannula oxygen delivery system? That would be nice, because on the C-pap we could see Lourdes' face very well and couldn't hold her. They said that tonight they could change her and the tomorrow we could hold her in our arms. I stayed for a couple of hours then wanted to get home to be with Lulu when she got the call with the results from yesterday's biopsy.

I got hame at 4:30 PM. Lulu didn't seem depressed so I was hopeful that the results would be favorable? She told me that she hadn't had the chance to lay down earlier to rest and she ask me to join her in the bed so we could spend some time together. I knew what the diagnosis had been! We laid together hugging and she said "the biopsy was positive for a invasive ductal carcinoma just as we had thought", she went on to explain that we would know if the cancer was a hormone receptor positive type of carcinoma? (which we learned makes the tumor more receptive to chemotherapy). This wouldn't be known until Monday at the earliest. My minuscule hope for a non-malignant diagnosis was shattered. Lulu and felt so alone at that moment. Even though we were there holding each other, we were so scared about the next steps. No more, "it's probably not cancer. Your too young to have cancer. There's no history of cancer in your family. You have no risk factors." All those hopes faded away. I was thinking, as I hugged Lulu, why this happen to this wonderful, caring, honest, loving, happy, pretty women? We lay together, I think in shock, but each of us trying to accept Lulu's diagnosis. What do you say to your loved one facing a diagnosis like this? I just told her that we do this together, and I would always be there for her. "I love you incredibly much, and I'm so very sad that this is happening to you." I remember thinking how hollow these words sounded. It was a long time before either one of us spoke again.

Staging the cancer

Today I'm thankful for...
A great hospital staff caring for Lourdes
Such a pretty wife
Good natured kids that are very loving
Wonderful people around Lulu and I

I worked at the office today, and Lulu and her sister Doris visiting from Puerto Rico (she arrived Saturday night) went together to the CT scan/Bone scan appointment. Now that we knew that the mass in her breast was malignant the next test the doctor wanted her to have was the CT/Bane scan. These tests were to see if other organs could have cancer in them? I was glad that Lulu's sister was here to take her to this appointment, so I could stay busy working and not think about how the results of these tests would turn out. I have to say I had the most difficult day in the 15 years that I've practiced dentistry. (and I had some tough days when I could barely walk because of a ruptured L4-5 disc). I couldn't concentrate on the patients and found it difficult to be the compassionate, thorough, and fun loving guys that I usually am. All I could think about is "what if". What if the diagnosis was positive for cancer in other areas of Lulu's body? What if she could came back to the practice? What if she never returned to the woman I had grown to love more and more each day, month, year? I could only pray for her every time that I had a millisecond lapse in my schedule. I finished late (5:30) and ran off to St. Mary's to see and hear the news. (I didn't want to call her to find out the results).

I saw Doris first and she was giddy with excitement about the test results being negative for tumors in the liver, bones, brain, or the lungs. Oh, I can't tell you how wonderful that news was!!!! Finally something positive we could hang some hope on. I ask her where Lulu was because I wanted at that very moment to run to her; to tell her that all was going to be fine. Doris said that Lulu was in the NICU was Baby Lourdes, so I practically sprinted to her. We embraced for a long while, and said said something to the effect, "I'm so glad that your test day were good, see God is looking out for you"? Lourdes looked just a little bit better tonight and we rejoiced after leaving the hospital by going out to eat a special dinner (Sushi at Sushimoto one our favorite places to eat raw fish).

This was a glorious day, and I marked my Gratitude Journal with 5 stars (the highest rating) to complete my day. Unfortunately, there was more bad news on the way.

Lourdes Pulls out her respirator

Today I'm grateful for...

Getting a spinal injection of steroids on my back

Seeing my little girl grow bigger

Having the privilege of taking care of patients

Loving family

I finished with patients at 4:30 today, and loved every minute of my day. I love getting to care for the kids and It's a way for me to escape from negative thoughts for a while. I arrived at the NICU unit at around 5 PM, and Lulu met me there. I had met her at the radiology department for the mass biopsy. I had to wait outside while they treated Lulu. I was saying a little prayer that included the mass to be smaller and non-malignant. When she emerged, she told me the "needle guided biopsy" went well (I took that as it wasn't painful, and she really liked the radiologist. Also, the radiologist was the husband of someone we knew in the dental community). The results would be available tomorrow after 4 PM.

Some really good news as we were briefed on Lourdes condition from the day nurse in charge of he. It seems that baby Lourdes had decided to remove her respiration tube by herself. Not a small feat as the tube is attached to the folds on each side of the nose with highly sticky medical tape. After Lourdes extubated herself the RT put her onto a C-pap nasal unit (I have included a picture of her with this on, because it's difficult to explain with words). They were telling us how this was a huge step for her and how many times babies know that they ready for the "next step" and they take things into their own hands. We were ecstatic, some great news, and lord knows that we needed some. This was also the first time we had heard Lourdes make any sounds. She had a faint cry, that we could barely hear. We couldn't wait to get home to tell the boys what had happens today. Even better, we were told that we might be able to do a Kangaroo hold in our arms tomorrow? (we found that a Kangaroo hold is when you bare your chest and the naked girl lays against the parents chest for warmth). Like a school boy before the last day of school in anticipation of the summer break, I wanted to get home so I could get to sleep. Tomorrow couldn't come to soon!

We see the breast cancer specialist

We made it here to the breast cancer specialist by 2:45. The traffic was light and we made good time. Not once did the subject of Lulu's possible diagnosis come up during the 4 1/2 hours. I'm not sure that I was happy about that fact or not. I kind of wanted to talk about it, but I decided that I would only talk about the subject when she brought it up. I kind of figured that there was no reason to talk about it when there was a chance that the diagnosis was wrong at this point?

The breast cancer specialist office was much smaller then I had expected. You can tell that he is very thorough, caring, maybe a little old doctor from the articles and decor of his office? He got us into an examination room within 10 minutes after Lulu filled out numerous forms (Lulu keep saying that she's starting to see what being on the other side of healthcare looks like from the patients prospective). Once in the examination room, we waited for a seemed like longer then you would expect when you don't see any other patients in the office? Maybe he was consulting on the phone or writing patient notes in charts, anyway my mind raced to how in my experiences patients will tolerate (occasionally complaining) being seen 1 hour later then their scheduled appointment time? Lulu and I commented to each other on the decor and the age of the examination table (I think that I read the manufacture date as 10/1974, but couldn't be sure because the numbers were worn I could barely read them). I was impressed by the Princess Diana collage hanging behind the examination table, and learned a few facts that I never knew before. The room wasn't made for three adults, so I was thinking about were I should be when the doctor finally arrives? Was this small size designed this way on purpose, so husbands felt unwelcome? I choose my spot just in time as the doctor made a graceful entrance. (I took the corner behind Lulu, so not to make her feel uncomfortable when the doctor was to examine her breasts).

I had to remind myself of that saying, "Don't judge a book by the cover", as Lulu and I found the doctor to be quite likable, competent, and compassionate (though he was about the age that I had expected him to be). He sat and asked many questions, writing the answers down so we could see them as he wrote. I thought to myself, nice touch. He got a thorough medical and personal history. Then only after 25 minutes of listening and writing did he ask Lulu to put on the gown and get onto the table so he could do a breast examination.

The doctor spent another 10 minutes examining both of Lulu's breasts and the all areas of possible lymph nodes. He was very experienced at doing this and it showed. When he had finished, he excused himself as he explained that he would like to go study the ultrasound and the mammograms that we had brought with us to him. He said that he would return in 5 minutes or so.

After 15 minutes we were getting more concerned with each passing second, and only after we had really wondered whether or not he was even coming back, he re-entered with that look. He didn't have to speak to us, just the stressed look and stiffness to his demeanor we knew what the diagnosis was to be. I'm going to share the conversation that was shared as closely as I remember, because I think it will show the quality of health care we felt we were receiving.

"I have examined the ultrasound and the mammogram taken in Reno, and I would like to talk to you about my thoughts on what we know at this time (he sat very close to Lulu at eye level and used his pad of paper to emphasize the importance of his findings). You have a mass that is about 2.3 cm in size that appears to be fixed to your chest wall. In my experience, because of the location, appearance, presentation, and size of this mass I very concerned that it is malignant. I would like you to have a Ultrasound guided biopsy, chest/abdominal CT scan, a Bone scan, and a genetic test to determine whether or not you are a carrier of the gene for this cancer type. I would like to have the results of these tests by Friday afternoon, so I can best determine what course of treatment to give you? Even without the results of these test, I would like to get you in my surgery schedule for a full right breast mastectomy with lymph node removal for July 10!"

He went on to explain about the surgery, the reasons for the addition test, Chemotherapy and how that would look. We both felt that he was both professional and thorough with his diagnosis, but it was the urgency and the look in this face that frightened us. This was the point that I recall thinking, "At what point will the Molina-Wilkerson family get some good news?

Honestly I can't remember the rest of the appointment. All I know is that Lulu stayed in the office for another 20 minutes and I when to the restroom to breakdown and cry.

We leave the NICU for SF

Today I'm grateful for...
Sharing my thoughts with my older sister
Being in a healthy relationship
Seeing my baby girl grow everyday
Enjoying the sunny weather
Spending time with my kids

I got to the NICU early this morning to see Lourdes. Lulu had some appointments to make, so she was to join me a little later in the morning. Lourdes looks good today. She was changed to a different ventilator some time before I had arrived. This new ventilator was easier on Lourdes' lungs. I took this as a good sign, going from the stronger ventilator to one that she doesn't need as more airflow to complete her oxygen requirement. Though today Baby Lourdes still had a cloudy chest x-ray and they would be giving her more of the diuretic medication to hopefully clear up those lungs? They doctors haven't tried again the medication that we're praying will close the hole between the her heart's chambers. They have talked about that being done tomorrow?

When Lulu arrives she was excited; something having to do with being seen in San Francisco today at 3 PM. It seems after some phone calls to a friend that had had breast cancer years earlier Lulu was recommended to see a breast surgery specialist (we actual found out later that he was one of the founders in the UCSF breast cancer clinic in the 80's). He could see her today in his office at 3 PM. I said, "great, let's go now". So, I made some phone calls to shore up with the kids care, and a emotional call to the office to let them know that somethings come up and I needed to have them call the patients and reschedule their appointments. (later I found out that the patients were so understanding with having to modify their life's to fit ours, I guess this is one of those "I'm grateful for times?) After 10 minutes of confirming we we able to go, we left St. Mary's as quickly as possible as I knew that even without hitting traffic the drive would take us 4.5 hours, and it was approaching 10:30 already!

I knew that we were going to go to SF, see the specialist, and he was going to say that this was going to be alright. It just wasn't right to think any different.

Brain scan is negative

Some good news today! Lourdes had a second ultrasound on her brain last night (the same one that ws inconclusive the previous time) and the results were negative to bleeding. Wow, sometimes what seems like the smallest news can be amazingly gratifying. All I could think about was it's about time we got some positive news! Though, Baby Lourdes was still having other issues to overcome, for the time being we can celebrate this win.

We left the NICU for the first time truly feeling blessed that Lourdes was making progress and the future was going to improve?

Lulu and discussed the results of the "tests" from earlier in the day. She said that the radiologist that did the mammogram and the ultrasound was so very nice, and they when he finished went out of his way to express his feelings of concern for her health. Lulu said that she knew from the look on his face that she indeed knew that she had breast cancer. We cried a while (well I should say that I cried awhile, Lulu just again comforted me as I cried), and then discussed the next step. The radiologist suggested that no later then tomorrow that she was to be seen by a breast cancer specialist.

I was very worried

Today I'm thankful for...

Having flexablility to change my schedule Having a partner in the practice to help with patient care

Lourdes is here with us God in our life's

Today was an important day (little did we know at the time but the test done today were just the start of many more). Lulu was to have mammogram and ultrasound done with the radiologist. We were hopeful that this all would turn out OK, but knew the seriousness of the situation.

I wanted to reschedule the day's patients to be there during the procedure, but true to her form, Lulu was worried about having to interupt our patients life's by re-scheduling their appointments? She talked me out of it! At around 10:30 AM the office staff told me that Dr. Molina was on the phone and wanted to speak to me (only in emergencies do we call eachother during patient hours). She informed me that her tests were done and that the radiologists was "extremely concerned about the findings of the tests" but we could talk more when I arrived to see Baby Loudes that evening at the NICU.

I hung up the phone only to reflect on the news she reported. This doesn't mean that it's breast cancer, was all I could tell myself. At that moment, I felt a presence (a lot like a parent watching over a sicky child) just then and a voice spoke out in my head saying to me, "You be there physically, emotionally, and spiritally for your lovely wife, this is what your destiny is!" I believed from that point forward I was transformed into higher spiritual being? From that day forward I was there at all the critical times for both Baby Lourdes and my wife.

Lourdes' chest x-rays concern the doctors

I arrived at the NICU unit as soon as I was done with patients at the office. Lulu was with Baby Lourdes. We tried to avoid the subject of Lulu's possible breast cancer, and focus of the health of the baby.

Since the previous day's chest x-ray showed cloudy formations in the lungs. We learned that this was referred to as "wetness in the lungs". We understood from the respiratory therapist this lung condition was more than likely caused by the medications that were given yesterday to close the opening in her heart? So she was being given a diuretic to clear the water from her lungs. The nurses and the doctors assured us that these were normal for a now 27 week premature infant. I just remembering thinking how they could be so positive about all the things happening to Lourdes? After this news, being tried from a busy day at the office, I just tuned out further information being sent my way.

I looked at Lulu and saw her being so strong for just being diagnosed with a serious illness. Her strength made me cry. How did she dare to be so strong. We had a understanding that I was the level headed, strong, un-emotional husband, and she was suppose to be the emotional wife. I just wanted at that moment for it all to go away. Lulu was comforting me, huggling me, and I felt so emotionally weak at that moment. Way can't she just cry a drop, something to let me know that she was just as scared as I? We just embraced, no words were needed. I never wanted to let go, she made me feel that it was all going to be ok. Tomorrow was a big day, Lulu was to have the mammogram and ultrasound done by the radiologist. Could I make it to tomorrow? I had to regain the strength that I once possessed.

Suspicious lump in Lulu's breast

Today I'm thankful for...
Having wonderful patients and parents to treat in my office
Being free to make choices
Never working a day in my life, because I don't see what I do as work
Being there for my little girl Lourdes everyday

What in the world does it mean to have a suspicious lump in your breast? Lulu called me from the OB's office while I was seeing patients in the AM, at first I couldn't comprehend what she was attempting to tell me though the sobs and crying. After what seemed like an hour (though more like 1 minute), I thought I had understood her to tell me that the doctor (OB) had examined her breast and that he was very concerned about it's shape and he felt strongly that Lulu should have a mammogram and ultrasound stat (one of those doctor words for should have done it yesterday). I was sure that either I had heard her wrong, or the doctor was off his rocker? My wife was only 40 years old and that's just too young to have odd shaped breasts (that's something that happens to old women or women with bad breast augmentations)?

This was one of those life altering moments, and to be quite frank I was getting kind of tired of bad news by now. How many life altering things happen to us in our life times? Maybe 4 or 5, we've just had two within a couple of weeks. We have a little fragile, struggling girl in the NICU, this just isn't the best time to have to find out that your wife might have breast cancer.

I gave Lulu the best support I could think of at the time, and that was I'm here for you, I love you, and whether or not this terrible news could be true we live this together.

You know how people say that when you are told something that could change your life forever you can usually remember the conversation, but afterwords you don't hear, feel, or comprehend anything else. This was so true for me. I finished my day in total shock.

Lourdes' head ultrasound "inconclusive"

Today I'm thankful for...
Cute and fun loving boys
Getting to go on a walk
Very caring and helpful friends
Going on a date with my wife
Lourdes doing better each day

Today Baby Lourdes surprised everyone with reducing her oxygen needs. Last night we were told that she keep having air accumulate in her chest wall and the chest tube was repositioned to try to relieve the pressure. This repositioning of the chest tube most likely is helping her to need less oxygen. Wow, some good news. To be followed by some less than good news.

Lourdes had a ultrasound done on her head to do a routine check for bleeding in the brain (not a good thing, but common in such premature infants). This ultrasound was inconclusive (which I now knows that nobody knows for sure but there's a possiblity that there could be a problem). They would re-test her brain in two more days. Let me tell you those were some very long two days.

Also, they doctors were concerned about Baby Lourdes' heart, and getting the hole between the two chambers to close properly. They began her on medications they will hopefully cause a closure of the ductus, but this is a strong medication and the dosage confused Lourdes' other body parts. We were told that it may take multiple dosages of the medication over the next 3 or 4 days to cause the closure. We had more praying to do.

Quite a big day in the NICU unit for our little strong girl, and the whole gravity of the situation wore on us emotionally. You learn quickly how much you rely on your loved ones for support in those times when you think you are emotionally spent.

In a funny way daily, if not hourly, I could feel my wife and I grow closer together propping eachother up when one of us was down. That can only be from a higher source?

Tough for us to vacate the NICU that night, but we keep reminding ourselves that Lourdes was just one day closer to being home!

Leaving St. Mary's hospital

Today I'm thankful for...
Grandma's help with the boys
Lourdes care team at St. Mary's
Mom coming home
Mom feeling better
Support of our friends and family

Today is a difficult day for Lulu. She is excited that she gets to leave the hospital after more than 2 weeks, but she doesn't want to be away from Baby Lourdes. This is the first time I have seen Lulu emotionally frail. As I helped her gather her belongings (as you can imagine there were a number of things after 2 weeks) I saw the sadness in her, and I knew that she was torn between being home for the older boys and being close to Baby Lourdes.

To make the day even more emotional for her, Lulu had been seen by the OB today to check on the healing of the C-section incision. It hasn't been healing as expected, and she had extra fluid under the tissues in the area. The OB open the stapled area and recommended that she keeps it open for 3-4 days until all the infected material has resolved. To her credit, Lulu had to repack the open drainage area daily, so the wound would heal completely. She was to have a follow up appointment the next Monday in the OB doctor's office.

We said our heartfelt goodbyes at 7:30 PM to all the post partum staff nurses, loaded up the van with all the items that Lulu had accumulated during her stay, and make the somber drive home. At was a time of reflexion, where we started two weeks ago, where we were now, and what's going to happen in the future. I could feel her pain, but I also knew that we were strong together and everything would turn out alright in the end.

We again prayed for Lourdes strength, and for us to stay strong as well. Little did we know how much more lay in wait for us?

Rough road ahead for Baby Lourdes

Today I'm grateful for...
Being surrounded by good friends and being able to discuss the future with them
Watching Baby Lourdes and seeing her grow
Taking a moment for myself and mow and trim the lawn
The warm, sunny weather
Feeling good

The Honeymoon is over! As I came to the NICU this morning I saw the concern on my wife's face. Baby Lourdes is now on a special ventilator that she can tolerate better. The chest x-rays (taken every 4 hours) had revealed she had developed a Pheumothorax in her left lower lung, and was having great difficulty with getting enough oxygen. After some tests and discussion amongst the doctors, it was decided that Baby Lourdes would need to have a chest tube placed to releave the pressure she had in her chest. Lulu and I consented to the procedure, and we thought it best to leave as they placed the chest tube into her little body.

We spent the next hour talking as we as a couple with three (now four) kids rarely get to do. Of course the most dominent subject was how we could be with Lourdes as much possible. We also talked about when Lulu might return to the office and what her schedule might look like? In 24 hours she would be discharged from the hospital, and though she never said it, I could tell that she wanted to stay and be as close to Lourdes. Another important subject was how we needed to be there for the older boys. In a time of crisis you have a tendency to forget that we have three wonderful boys at home that can easily get neglected. Even with family and friends to help us during this stressful time, the boys need their Mom and Dad, so we scheduled our lives to include them as much as possible.

Lulu had been having some issues with her incision from the C-section. It had been healing properly, and to close her incision they had used staples. The area looked as if it was getting infected and very red and irritated looking. We surmised that because Lulu had a allergy to Nickel that possible once the staples were removed the area would improve? Yeah, this afternoon the nurse removed the staples form the incision site. We just know that the healing would improve by tomorrow!

We returned in the evening to Baby Lourdes side. She had been sedated and looked quite comforable even with the myrid of wires, tubes, and such dangeling from her. Not much changed with her prognosis at this time, wait and see if the chest tube relieves the chest pressure, and hope that your lungs mature sufficiently so she can one day breat on her own?

Again we said our prayers, and begrudgently left her to the care of the hospital team.

Sleepless nights watching over Lourdes

Today I'm grateful for...

Daughter Lourdes gettig stronger today, and I thank God for blessing us with her

Seeing 6 year old Thomas graduate from Kindergarden

Lots of loving, supportive family to share difficult times with

Feeling good enough to stand, sit, and walk

Living in Reno

Today we celebrated Baby Lourdes' 2.5 day birthday. I spent a mostly sleepless night, waiting for the phone call from the NICU unit (or Lulu still in the postpartem department at Saint Marys) telling us Lourdes was not doing well or worse. I remember thinking how being only a 20 minute car ride to see her, but feeling continents away from her. The anticipation as I drove into the hospital that morning was palpable, and as I saw Lulu's face my concerns quickly faded away. Lulu said that Lourdes had a good night, and that she had the chance to see her a couple of times during the night. We mostly took turns watching over the angelic girl today. But this morning was my turn to be alone with Lourdes, while Lulu completed her breast pumping routine. I cherished the moments that I was to get alone with my first little girl. Just I had the opportunity with my three older boys, I had many chances to bond, grow, and learn solo with my kids. I didn't know it at the time, but these moments between Lourdes and I would be therapeutic in dealing with the future diagnosis coming our families' way.

As I sat vigilantly observing every diminutive detail of Baby Lourdes, I barely noticed the whizing, bleeping, buzzing of all the machines that had been attached, sometime during the last night, to her small frame Her future flashed before me and the struggle was only beginning for her. I felt this incredible sense of helplessness. Not being able to understand whether or not she's feeling the difficulty of breathing or the discomfort of the needles protuding form it seemed about every appendage? We know that she was a fighter (of course she would be having that Pueto Rican blood in her), but could the crisis' she's facing be too much? It's amazing to see the Neonatal nurses stay so positive, and we greatly appreciate the support that they have been giving us. We know that it's there job to take care of the babies, but do do it with a smile and the compassion we've experienced is just short of a miracle! As day turned into night, lulu and I sat with Lourdes, not wanting to leave her even for a moment. We ended the day with "The Lord's Prayer", and prayed God to help Baby Lourdes be stronger tomorrow.

We were afraid that she wouldn't live through the night?

I'm grateful for...

A new baby girl, Lourdes
My wife is healthy and is recovering well from the surgery
The incredible care that we are all receiving
Getting a good nights sleep

I arrived to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at 9 AM, and Lulu was getting the information from the team of nurses, respiratory therapists, and specialty doctors on Lourdes' condition. This NICU experience wasn't totally unfamiliar to us, as our oldest boy Carter had been treated there for a Pneumothorax condition soon after he was born in 2000. Carter's condition required him to stay in the NICU for 4 days for oxygen treatments and monitoring. We were quite pleasantly surprised to see that many of the same nurses were still part of the NICU team that treated our son some 8 years prior. All I have to stay, "Way to go Saint Mary's because you have one heck of a team assembled and obvious are doing something right if most of them are there 8 years later?"

The Neonatal physician (her son just happens to be a patient of Dentistry for Kids) gave us the "What we can expect" talk about Lourdes condition. Just as all the care givers that we have met in the NICU, this doctor has that love for her profession that translates into compassionate, through, competent, and informative care. I learned more from her in that first 24 hours then I probably had a right to know? But i absorbed everything. Lourdes couldn't have been in better hands, unless you consider the hands of God.

We learned that 26 week old babies have a number of health concerns and development issues:
1. Their lungs haven't fully developed, so they need to have assistance breathing.
2. Their circulatory systems can be compromised, and that they have a hole between chambers of their hearts that need to close in the first few days.
3. They can have incomplete digestive systems, or blockages in the digestive systems that can prevent them from feeding properly.
4. Their eyes haven't fully developed, so you need to protect their eyes from the lights wile being careful that you don't increase the air pressures that can effect the development of the eyes.
5. And in Lourdes case that she doesn't have or get an infection in this first days of life.

The above were all the challenges that Lourdes was to battle at one time or another, and many times she was dealing with multiple issues at the same time.

We also learned that the little girls born premature seem to thrive and grow better then the boys (I guess that we had one thing going for us)? Premature babies many times have a honeymoon period, where they tolerate their environment fairly well, and then later they start to show signs of distress. We learned this honeymoon period is for the first 24-48 hours. We prayed over her everyday.

Boy did this ring true for Lourdes!

Lulu's recovery from C-section

This evening I'm thankful for...
A wonderful team of doctors and nurses caring for Lulu and Baby Lourdes
Saint Mary's Hospital
All the money and research on Neonatal care of premature babies
God watching over our family

I stayed only for 5 to 10 minutes with Lourdes, I wanted to be with Lulu for the recovery from the general anesthesia (I was hoping that she might indulge privy information that consciously she would never tell me)? Lulu was now in the Labor and delivery recovery room, and lucky for us they don't have a room #7 there too! I held on to her hand as she was coming out of the anesthesia the whole time telling her how much Baby Lourdes looked like her; dark long black hair, long fingers, and distinctive Molina facial features. How great that she looked and what wonderful the care she was receiving.

Lulu's recovery was uneventful, but in a very personal way extremely gratifying. Not in the way that you would want to see your lovely wife go through the process of having our baby by C-section, but gratifying in the since that for once I could be there when my she needed me, not the other way around! After two back surgeries in the last 48 months, Lulu was always emotionally there for me and she to supported me through some difficult times. I relished at the opportunity to be there for her as she had been for me. I could feel our mutual love for each other leap to a level never before experienced in our 12 years of marriage, and as she gave me the thumbs up coming out of the anesthesia; I heard that higher calling whispering into my ear, "This is what love is all about, love is not what you receive, but what you give."

How could my life be more perfect and how could a person feel more purpose in their life then I did at that moment?

Lourdes Elizabeth arrives

Today I'm thankful for...
A healthcare system that is compassionate, advanced, andthe best in the world.
Having good health insurance
Being alive
Beautiful sunny weather
Being with my wife

The night ended up being uneventful for Lulu and the Baby Lourdes. The contractions stopped, and the tests show that all was well. I rescheduled my patients to be with Lulu on this Monday, and good thing that I did, because the day started just as the last 10 days in room #7, but ended with us having a baby that would end up being born three months prematurely.

I got a phone call from Lulu letting me know that she was having the contractions again, after her night was mostly quiet. I arrived at the hospital at around 9 AM, and at that time Lulu was having contractions about every five minutes and the staff and doctors were giving her medications to hopefully stop the contractions? More tests and another round of labor stopping medications (the first dosages weren't effective in stopping the contractions). This was the day's event Lulu having contractions, the baby wanting to be born, but everyone working hard to just get another hour, if not day, before Baby Lourdes was to arrive. We were told by the nurses that for every day that we could prolong the birth of Lourdes, she would save her three days in the Neonatal intensive care unit. Knowing that she was only 26 weeks old, we were all for keeping Lulu pregnant for as long as possible.

Unfortunately, Lourdes wasn't cooperating and she was determined to have June 1 be her birthday. After the third course of medications to try and stop the premature labor, the doctors were looking at the possibility of having to deliver the baby soon? The final decision was made after the blood test returned for the lab with a very high white blood cell count (twice as high as normal).

Lulu requested to use the anesthesiologist that she has built a professional and personal relationship with. After years of working with someone Lulu knew that she wanted him for her anesthesia. Luck would have it that he was available to do her anesthesia for her C-Section now scheduled for around 5 PM.

Lulu and I prayed that this was the right choice to have Baby Lourdes so early and we knew that she was to have a large fight ahead of her just for survival at only 26 weeks gestation. In this situation you have to have faith that the doctors are making the best choice for both mother and the baby, and we prepared ourselves for the birth of our first little girl.

After multiple physician consultations (the doctors have to decide on whether or not the baby was at risk for infection), a course of antibiotics, and nurses prepping Lulu's lower abdomen for the surgery, leaving room #7 after 10 days was bittersweet (would would have liked to stayed there until Lulu's due date, but we also wanted to see the little bundle of joy), Lulu was taken to the labor and delivery operating room for birthing Lourdes.

Lulu had General Anesthesia instead of a epidural C-section due the risk of introducing bacteria in the Meningeal spaces (especially concerning due to the high white blood cell count from early in the day). From the time they induce her to the birth of Baby Lulu the procedure took approximately 10 minutes, and we had a wonderfully beautiful baby girl weighting 2 lbs, and being about 14" in length.

Baby Lourdes was immediately placed into a incubator and whisked away to the Neonatal Intensive Care unit conveniently only 20 feet or so away.

I had never in my life seen something as beautiful as Baby Lourdes, but I was terrified that I might not be able to care for her a lifetime?She was so small and fragile looking there in the incubator almost as if it was made for a baby two or three times her size? As the care team scrambled around caring for her immediate needs, I just stood frozen in time. It happen all so sudden, what now? Here's was that baby that we had been waiting to see for the 6 months for, and now she was on the table just a arm length away. My heart ached to hold her, to maybe just reach out to help her in this most critical moment? I can't express the emotions of wanting to care for this incredible treasure, but only being a spectator in what seems like a dream.

I managed this picture before they attached the myrad of tubes, IVs, and monitors to the newly delivered girl we now could call Lourdes Elizabeth Wilkerson