Our marriage is getting stronger

Today I'm grateful for...
Get a couple of hours for myself
Going to My Gym with Hamilton
Having a home to live in
Eating more healthy

Lulu spend much of the morning at the hospital with Lourdes. Lulu has been taking some anti-nausea medications because she said that the chemo was making her feel sick. At home she wears a skull cap to cover her bald head, and give her a break from the wig. I'm still amazed at the natural look Lulu gets with the wig? I swear when you see her, you would be hard pressed to know whether she's wearing the wig or has grown back her own hair?

She's feeling well enough to take the boys (all three of them to the movies this afternoon), and I'm going to see the cute girl at the NICU. I'm looking forward to see if she'll eat more then 10 ml from the bottle for me? (this is the record for daddy). Tonight I'm going to take a photo of Lourdes with the "build-a-bear" that Thomas made her (see the picture posted in the photos gallery), so everyone can get a better idea of just how much she has grown since June 1st.? I look forward to our private time together.

I got some news from Lulu today. Lulu's older sister, Tia Doris and daughter Natalia, will be meeting Lulu, I, and the kids in SF next Wednesday. Either Doris or I will be attending the chemotherapy appointments with Lulu, as the other one will spend time exploring the city with the all the kids. I really want to do both, but I'm going to trump Lulu's sister on being with her for treatment appointments (I hope?). I'm sure that the kids will have fun going to the aquarium, zoo, and exploratorium. I'm glad that Lulu wants to include the kids for this trip, and only Lourdes is going to be left out of the fun. I think this trip will help the boys understand what and why their mommy's doing every other week? We debating on whether or not having Carter go with his mom to the cancer clinic? As parents we have this dilemma. How much to share with are kids about their mommy's condition. I'm going to let Lulu make the final decision on how to approach this?

Lulu and my relationship has gotten so much stronger through all these trials. We have been communicating really well, and those small issues that used to derail us have all but disappeared. There's always something positive to find in all the negative. I have found myself really believing in the power of prayer with a lot of positive thinking thrown in. I know that Lulu has shown me many times through the years, and for that I love her.

Our first date

Today I'm grateful for...
Playing with Hamilton alone
Having wonderful friends help with dinners
Feeling that peace of love in my life
Going to work (oops, play) with great parents and patients

As I left the office today at 1:30 PM and made the drive to St. Mary's, I was counting the number of days in a row that I've been there (besides a couple a few days for Lulu's chemotherapy appointments in SF, it's been 74 days and counting). The NICU has been the only home that Lourdes has known, and a second home for Lulu and I. As monotonous as this sounds, we really gotten to enjoy our time alone with Lourdes. As anyone with children knows, it's hard to find alone time with just one child at a time. Lourdes gets our undivided attention everyday. I pretty sure that she won't appreciate this fact when she comes home, but I can tell you that I'm extremely happy that we got this chance.

This afternoon I was looking though some pictures from ages ago, and I came up with the idea of sharing past experiences in this blog to give all a personal look into Lulu and my life's. (kind of like the sharing of important events happening in the world idea from earlier in the journal, just more personal).

Lulu despised me after our first date! It was spring 1993 when we went on our first date. But before I get to the part about her hating me; I want to give you a little back ground on how we met. We had known each other through friends while I was teaching part-time at the university (The Ohio State University), and she was a resident in the pediatric dentistry program at Columbus children's hospital. We would see each other at parties, night clubs, and other social events frequently. I actually knew her sister fairly well before I ever met Lulu (her sister was a year or two behind me in the dental program and we talked occasionally). I knew that Lulu and her sister were living together in a small apartment near the university while each finished their educations, and I never thought about dating Lulu before that grim friday night that she and I clashed.

I was part of a dental fraternity and we had a spring formal dance fast approaching and I didn't have a date. I thought that Lulu was very attractive, professional, and hopefully available, so I picked up the phone and dialed her number thinking that she was most likely going to be busy on such short notice. I think my call surprised her, because we never really spent much time talking in the past and didn't know much about each other. (this is one of the only times in my life I remember cold calling someone for a date, normally I got to know the women that I dated before I asked them out). Even though I could hear hesitation in her voice, she accepted my offer to accompany me to this formal event. So we finalized the details of the night, and after I got off the phone, I remember thinking how nervous I was already becoming even two weeks prior to the date.

The day of the farmal came very quickly, and I didn't even own a sport coat and rarely did i wear a tie. I had to borrow clothes from a housemate for the formal night. I also didn't own a car, so a fraternity brother had to provide the transportation. (I never owned a car until a year after dental school). We arrived at Lulu's apartment to pick her up, and I knew that I was going with the most beautiful girl that would be attending the party. She was wearing a bright dress that accented her sexy body and wonderful dark skin and hair. I really thought that we weren't compatible as a couple, but that made me want to pursue her all the more? During the evening I drank way too much alcohol and as was told to me the next day, I ignored Lulu the whole evening. (I guess that explained why I woke up the next morning with lipstick and eye liner drawn all over my face in a haphazardly way). As it turned out, I had asked every girl at the party to dance with me except Lulu, and she ended up quite annoyed with me by night's end, and took out this anger with her lipstick pen and eye liner pencil on my snoozing face during the drive home?

I guess that I must have felt very remorseful, because after letting her cool off for a week or so, i called her up for another date. (I told her that she missed a couple of areas on my face last time, and I wanted her to have another chance to complete the project). To my utter surprise she accepted my offer, and we were to go out the next weekend. This date was so much better then the first one. We went to a wings joint in German village and a movie at the dollar theather (the body guard with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner and yes it was only one dollar), I wore a blue tie white large white polka dots on it (I think that I just discarded a fews years ago?), she wore a medium length blue dress with flats (I found out the flats were so she wouldn't be taller then me. Lulu's 5'10" and I'm 6', so she couldn't wear these 3" pumps she liked to wear at that time). We talked a lot about how different our backgrounds were. She was from a tightly knit Puerto Rican family with three sisters, and I was from a Californian family that rarely talked and I was raised mostly as a only child. She had been faithfully taught in the catholic religion, and i was a loosely held together by the episcopal faith. Lulu loved to buy, wear certain fashions, and I thought that fashion was wearing clean clothes everyday. You all have heard of the statement, "opposites attract"; I think you definitely say that this was the case between us! This as much as anything attracted me to her. Little did I know that these differences would be what has keep us together these 15 years. I want to learn more about our differences, so we can become even closer.

I had forgotten these early days of dating, but if you were to ask Lulu the details she could tell you every last thing that happen and when it happened what we were wearing. Just another example of how we are so dissimilar. I can barely remember what happen yesterday. Wouldn't it be nice to stop to think about what brought you together with that special person in your life (a mom, dad, wife, husband), and how you fell in love with them? You might even rekindle some of that compassion that brought you together in those first days?

For Lulu, hug someone each and everyday. (maybe someone that you wouldn't normally hug), and watch the your world become closer. This is one of the best things I have learned from being with Lulu for these short 15 years.

Oh, and as you can see I refreshed the background. Keeps you from eye fatigue? Thanks again for the support and prayers, we need all your love!!!!

The wig incident

Today I'm thankful for...

Working with great people everyday

Having the time to spend with Lourdes

A beautiful bald wife

My health and strength

We got same more great news yesterday. As I was on my way to see Lourdes at the hospital about 4:30, I got a call from a friend at the OB's office, she had received the pathology report from UCSF. (all the reports are sent or can be requested by the OB office on Lulu's cancer). The wonderful news, was that the biopsy Lulu had last thursday (the one with all those doctors and cost $10,000) was negative to malignancy! All the prayers you have bestowed upon our family have worked. Of course this is another huge feather to stick into the recovery hat. I could feel some of the weight lift from my shoulders after hanging up after this call.

I was thankful for any positive news on Lulu's cancer. I didn't have a chance to call to her to see if she had received the news yet, because I had a conference call with a practice coach right then. After I finished the 15 minute coaching call, I went into the NICU to hold Lourdes. As always, I got a update on how well she's been doing this last 24 hours since I last seen her. (did I mention how great the staff here was?). Lourdes was put onto "low flow oxygen" two days ago and she was practically breathing room air now. Her desaturations and Bradycardics (not breathing well and heart not pumping well) events were decreasing daily, and she had grown to 17" and 5.1 pounds. She was looking so big. As she looked at me today, I could see the blueness of her eyes, and the majestic expressions on her tiny face. Everyday she grows into a more lovable creature, and I can't spend enough time with her? The nurse told me that with increased feedings and little need for the oxygen, Lourdes could possibly go home in as little as two weeks?

Yesterday this news would have excited me, today it scared me a little! I thought; are we going to be ready for her to come home? Will she be released from the hospital when we need to be in SF for chemotherapy treatment? Would she be sent home with oxygen tanks and monitoring equipment? The apprehensive feeling didn't last long, because I scooped her up into my arms and cuddled her right then. The feeling of her warmth and hearing her breaths were enough to push away all feelings of what might be tomorrow. I spent the next hour holding, feeding, and talking to Lourdes. I hated (as always) to put her back into the bassinet, but Lulu needed me for strength and support "at the hair appointment".

I rushed to be with Lulu at the salon where she was to get the dreaded last bit of hair shaved off. Wow, now I could see what I felt three days ago when I had my head buzzed. She was handling it great, but I knew that it was just a show for the stylists and other clients that were there. She was dreading this day since she first found out that she had to have chemotherapy. As her hair accumulated on the floor below the barber chair, I snapped some pictures of the to be talked about event for life. I was so glad that I did mine first, and truly know that she felt better about her hair loss because I shaved mine off. After the last chunk of hair was clipped and fell to the floor, we all admired Lulu's perfectly gorgeous bald head. (some comments were thrown around about her head shape and how it was so much better then mine). I played along, but come on have you seen the pictures of my "captain Pichard movie star bald head"?

Hard to imagine that Lulu's head could be more perfect then mine? I really wanted to have our picture taken together, but Lulu wasn't going for it. What would be better then two love birds caught in a moment with no hair? Things got even worse for me about then. Lulu and the stylist pulled a wig out of the bag she was caring, and began fitting it (and cutting, styling, trimming the wig) to her head. I guess that when I shaved my hair off, I never really thought that Lulu was going to have a perfectly fitting wig to wear, and that I would be left with a bald head. This wasn't fair. After they spent maybe 10 minutes adjusting, styling this masterpiece, I found myself looking at a beautiful woman with hair just possibly better then her own? I couldn't believe they can make wigs that almost exactly match the original hair! I actually thought this wig looked better then Lulu's natural hair. (and I told her so). I really could see she thought the same, and her spirits climbed when everyone was complementing her on the naturalness of her new look. Well, so much for the difficult hair loss event. She exclaimed that she was very relieved to be done with that, as we exited the hair salon. I's so glad we've gotten past this step. Let's see what tomorrow's going to bring? Could it top today?

I kidnapped Lourdes

Today I'm grateful for...
Not having to wash my hair in the morning
A beautiful wife with or without hair
My back holding up under the stress
Great friends bringing over scrumptious meals

Tonight I almost kidnapped my own daughter. I went to be with Lourdes (I've dropped the Baby Lourdes part, she just seems so big that the term doesn't fit her anymore) this evening. It was a night of holding, feeding with bottle, taking temperature, and changing her diaper. The holding was just as wonderfully great as yesterday, but the feeding didn't work out so well (Lourdes just didn't get the eating and breathing at the same time thing, but she did eat a couple of cc's for me), I'm a pro at getting her temperature (it was 98.5 degrees tonight), and she didn't poop for me, so I had a easy time with the diaper change. I was a little disappointed that she wasn't a big eater tonight, but what could I expect it was only her third day learning the technique. I did get to see Lourdes without all the blankets wrapping her up, and she looked so pretty and I could really see features of her mom. (the thought popped into my head that in a day or so Lourdes was going to have more hair then mom).

As I sat with my cute little girl in my lap, I started thinking about just getting up and walking out of the NICU with her bundled in my arms. I not sure that I'm going to make another 4 weeks waiting for her the come home? I figured that they have 20 more babies here in the intensive care facility, they probably aren't going to miss this one? My thoughts drifted to how when she was home with us we could hold her whenever we wanted and snuggle her little head in our hands. I was reminiscing about the first time we brought home our first baby Carter from the same NICU at St. Mary's almost 9 years ago. Carter was a full term baby, and was diagnosed with a Pneumothorax within hours after he was born. I remember leaving him and Lulu to go home and rest, shower, change clothes (after staying at the hospital and being awake for close to 48 hours) I needed the time to wash up and recharge before returning to be with mom and the new baby. But when I returned I saw that Carter wasn't in the nursery where I had left him 4 hours earlier. I didn't know what to think? Was I so tired that I was looking in the wrong place? Did Lulu have Carter in her postpartum room? I went to Lulu and she informed me that Carter had this condition called a pneumothorax and that he needed a special oxygen unit to help him breath. He had been taken to the intensive care unit. I didn't even know that there was such thing, but I was soon to find out how important this part of the hospital was to be for his recovery. Most of this event was a blur to me, but I do remember the extraordinary care that he receive in those four days. I also know how great Carter is as a son. He's healthy and strong. So Lourdes, I know, will follow in those brotherly footsteps.

I was thinking how in the first night that Lourdes gets to be in our home, we are going to put in the bed between Lulu and I and stay awake the whole night watching her as she's sleeping peacefully. Not being able to take our eyes off this precious gift, and praying that everyday from that day on; will be just as special as this first night? (this is exactly what we did with Carter that very first night he was home). I dreamt about the first bath in the sink, the first time the boys get to hold her, and even about that first dirty diaper that we get to change in our own house. I was even looking forward to those sleepless nights. Staying up most of the night, because she was colicky or needed my or Lulu's warm embrace to comfort her back to sleep. Isn't this what it's all about? Everyone says that Lourdes is going to be spoiled? Especially being the only girl. I'm sure that they're probably right, but so are all of our kids. We spoil them all with lots of attention, love, nurturing, and candy or soda on special occasions. I can't wait to get my opportunity to spoil, "our gift sent from God".

I made a dinner stop tonight at home before making the trip to the hospital to see Lourdes. I got to eat a superb dinner (thank you), play with the boys, and hug the gorgeous wife . Lulu's been having some issues with this last chemotherapy dosage she got last Friday. She suggested to me that she feels a lot more nauseous these last few days then with the first doses, but she hasn't thrown up. The pain in her bones seems to be the biggest discomfort factor to her? (aside from the hair loss). As I left for the office this morning, Lulu came to me and as we hugged, she said that by me shaving my head bald, gave her strength to free the last bits of her hair. She also admitted that she loved me for my uncanny ability to anticipate her needs during this emotional and physical battle. I love to get affirmation (as we all do) as that I'm making a difference in her life. I'm finding with some simple changes in my actions, I can change someone else's world! I started to daydream about; why can't we all do this?

I go bald for Lulu

Today I'm grateful for...
My family
Being able to make choices in life
Having healthy kids
Feeding Lourdes from a bottle


I'm at peaceful feeling in my life. I've found my life's priorities. Anything not on the list just isn't going to bring me down. I know (not necessarily in any specific order) that these things matter to me, and I plan to prioritize my life around them.

1. My families health (I'll include me in here). 2. My faith in the teaching of the church 3. My relationships (with Lulu, my children, my immediate family, and   my friends).  There's not anything as important as these three things in my life, so   I pledge to address these first.  If I have time or energy left after the above   priorities are fulfilled; I can work on other areas of my life.  So I did it!  I got my head shaved.  I have to admit I was worried   before the first pass of the clippers hit my head.  I haven't looked at my   head, but I been getting compliments on the new look (right after the   shock wears off) from the team at the NICU at St. Mary's.  I'm not sure
that I really care what I look like, it's not me that has been battling the
cancer?  I just hope that by doing this I can alleviate Lulu's apprehension
over her hair loss?  I'm surprised how much the loss of her hair has been
affecting her moral. She came out of the bathroom this morning before
church mass and had her hands extended, plams up, there was large amounts
of hair dangling
from her fingers.  But I could just see the anguish written on her face! I
shrugged my shoulders as to say what did you think was going to happen?
I knew today was the day to trim the gray locks that have been residing on
my head since I was in my early 20's.  She needed to know that I
was to support her in this trying time. It's kind of refreshing to try something
so different. After the "supercuts" trim, I was off to the hospital to give Lourdes
the bottle.  Maybe she would eat for me today better then yesterday?

I couldn't wait to get home and see the reaction Lulu would have to my bald
head; now that I was going to be her bald twin in a day or two?  But I really wanted to
hold the little girl for a few hours first.  As I first saw her today, I just swelled
with pride.  She was looking so good and even bigger then yesterday.
And yesterday I was informed that she was given the lower flow 02 (that had
been tried a few weeks ago).  Her oxygen levels stayed up for the whole two
hours, and I got her to eat 4 or 5 cc of mommy's milk today. I was daydreaming
about her coming home and living amongst the Wilkerson tribe. How much she
would change our routine and what would be the effect of her presence on
Lulu's cancer treatments? We were going to figure it all out.  I was hopeful
that she was to be coming home before the September 1st. due date?

When I got home tonight at 7:00, I walked in the kitchen wondering just
how everyone would accept me?  Would my look be frightening to Hamilton?
Would Lulu think this was "over the top"?  I was proud of myself for making
this small sacrifice for her benefit. My head feels so cool and breezy. I just
might want to keep it this way?  Thomas was the first to run to me for a kiss.
He stopped in his tracts to scrutinize the new daddy J. He said, "dad what
happened to your hair, it got cut off.  Then Hamilton picked up on the new look
and started repeating, "you're hairs gone, you're hairs gone" (he's talking so
clearly and his vocabulary is quite extensive for a 2.5 year old).  But I think
the act really surprised Lulu the most. She claimed, "you didn't need to do
that for me".And she gave me the biggest bear huge that I've had for the last day
or so (were hugging so much I can't keep track of the biggest, longest, or best
anymore). I could feel the love for me in her embrace and we had to be pulled
apart by the kids slipping in between us. Now I still have to make it through
the first day in the office. Will the kids at the office freak out by the boldness
of my head?  Will the parents think that I'm sick too? How will the Dental team
at the office react? All I can control is the fact that I'm happy that I have done
this, and I'm secure and confident in  myself no matter what appearance I take!

The tumors are responding to treatment

Today I'm grateful for...

Not having to drink that awful Coke

Seeing our boys again

A wonderfully great, sensitive, and caring wife Great NICU caring for Lourdes

My sister for helping in a time of need

We have some really good news to report. Lulu's breast tumor sizes (in the right breast) have reduced in size per the oncologist. Yesterday we had a 9:00 AM appointment with the oncologist that is the lead on Lulu treatment regiment, and after some preliminary discussions on what problems she was having and effect the chemo drugs had on her in the last two weeks, the doctor measured Lulu's three tumors. Originally they measured approximately 3/2 cm, 2/2 cm, and 2/1.5, but in today's examination she thought that they were improving dramatically. (2/1.5, 1/1, and 1/.5 cm respectively).

I was about to tell her to measure them again, but then I thought; just live the moment. This is some of the only good news that us guys have had for awhile, just bath in it, and rejoice. I missed most of the rest of the examination, because I was still soaking up the wonderful news; oblivious to Lulu, the doctor, and her assistant. When the doctor ask me to move away from the door, I came to just enough to temporality move my jubilant self out of the way.

Right then, I felt the tide turning in our direction, so what if Lulu had a left breast with a large something residing there and she was being dosed with high powered chemotherapy drugs, the healing/guiding power of God had choose now to lay upon us the ability to believe a cancer free future. I wanted to run out into the streets and shout "Glory to you Lord" at the top of my lungs (but instead I walked out of the breast clinic and into the infusion center only thinking about a positive future for Lulu). I was feeling pretty high as we walked into the 5th floor infusion center for Lulu's second course of anti-cancer drugs.

Two weeks ago I was skeptical that the chemotherapy was going to help us fight this horrible disease, but now I had great hope that these specific cancer drugs were saving her life. We were happy to see the same nurse from the first session was to be administering the medications today. And since she was the first person we had seen since he wonderful news with the oncologist, we practically blurted out that Lulu's tumors were responding to the drugs. Of course she was happy for us and I could see her proudly start the IV and administer this next regiment of medications. (the compassionate care the technicians/nurses deliver is a sight to behold). As Lulu was settled in, and the pumps were slowly dispensing the drugs, I retrieved the post cards the boys spent the previous weekend tenderly crafting.

I have to admit that I was a little nervous as I prepared myself to seek out patients in the infusion center; force myself into their lives and exert my adoration on them. This fact maybe hard for someone that doesn't believe in a higher power, but as I steadied myself and was about to seek out my first cancer patient connection. There was a 50 something professional, very distinguished looking lady facing me not far from Lulu , and she glanced up from her cell phone (she I presumed was texting on) Was she calling to me with her eyes to a start a conversation?. I couldn't believe my eyes, she was encouraging me to come over and build a friendship! I could feel her pull at my body and my mind. How could I not start a conversation with her? Before I knew what i was doing; I heard my voice warmly and invitingly say, "Looks like you're a pretty good at texting"? I thought she was going to explode with kindness? After at last a quarter hour of great conversation (where I learned her name was Sue, she was a trial lawyer in the bay area, had children just a little younger then myself, and a adopted 8 year old girl) I told her of my children's wish was to brighten cancer patient's days by making decorative cards that they wished me to pass one along to her. I thought that she didn't hear me at first? She sat staring at me, looking quite stunned, then she looked down at the card I was holding slightly raised for her to see. Slowly she took the gift from me and was speechless as she slowly read my Thomas' 6 year olds writing style. He had wrote on this card, "SENDING YOU A SMILE", and he had attempted to draw the semicircular appearance of two lips pushing up at the corners into a smile. Time froze, I wasn't sure if I should speak? Did Sue understand Thomas' penmanship? Should I try to explain why my kids felt the need to make these cards? Was what I was doing too bold? After what seemed like minutes (it was probably only 10 seconds) Sue responded, "I'm very impressed that you kids would care about people that they have never met. Would you write down their names, so I can respond appropriately to their wonderful gesture." My heart soared. Nothing could make me fell better then someone complimenting our children. I couldn't wait to return home to tell Carter and Thomas the impact this small deed had on at least one cancer patient. With my confidence soaring high, I pulled myself away from Sue (I could have spent the rest of the three hours talking to just her) and I went to solicit the rest of the boy's cards.

I handed out four more well wishing cards to patients in the next two hours. I learned so much and made four long term relationships on this Friday. I met Teresa and her husband Chuck from San Jose area. I connected with Teresa though our conservative values in which I noticed from the fact that she was reading Dick Morris's new book "Catastrophe". There was Harriett, who was there with her daughter for treatment. She had some great suggestions for places we might like to eat in the SF, since she was a native of SF (and had to be in her mid 80's). Then, a crossed from Lulu was a strikingly pretty lady named Caroline. She was most impressed with the creativeness of the boys artwork, and also wanted their names and when she might see us again? She wanted to have a return gift for them?

But their was one cancer patient that stood out during this trip. I spotted Helen diligently working the keys of your iPhone while wanting to go back for treatment. I opened the conversation with, "Is that the new iPhone". Helen was quite young (I was to learn that she was diagnosed wit Stage III breast cancer at 38, and was here for hormonal treatment post chemotherapy and surgery) and she reminded me a lot of Lulu. She had this easy way about her and she was very open about her battle with this illness. She told me that she didn't have the new model of iPhone that she was still using the first model Apple put out three years ago, and that it had sentimental value. It turns out this phone was a present from her husband when she was first diagnosed with the cancer. As it turns out she has close to the same type, stage, and course of treatment that Lulu has. Here was (to me) another sign, signal, gift being laid at my feet to comfort me and guide me, and give me the strength to handle all that has been trust upon my shoulders. Helen ask if she could help by sharing her story with Lulu? I was grateful for her gesture, and said yes. Helen wrote down her email, phone number, and some nice encouraging words to go a long with the contact information. I told her that I needed to get back to Lulu and check on her progress and assured Helen that I would pass the info on to Lulu when she woke.

I returned to Lulu's side and she was nearing the final dosages being pumped slowly into sleeping body. I sat there pretending to return some emails on my iPhone, but in reality was thinking about all the lovely people that I met during this journey, and wondering how it seemed to me the nicest, most caring, and truly strong people were inflicted with this vile cell aberration called cancer? Why, if this had to happen at all, weren't the deviant, cunning, and non-caring people afflicted? As I pondered this, Helen was by some fate of God escorted in by the attendant and prepared for her hormone treatment in the seat right next to Lulu. Could things be planned out any better? Lulu woke for a short time and I introduced her to Helen and tried to foster a relationship between them. You could see the bond building between them with every word, this was a relationship that is to verbally heal both Lulu and I!

I couldn't wait to get in the car and tell Lulu all about the contacts that I had made that afternoon. We caught a glimpse of Kate this afternoon in the hat and wig shop. She looked to be here with her Mom and Dad, and was trying on various wigs, but seemingly not having success in finding one she liked? Both Lulu and I sat outside the store waiting to be noticed by her, but she didn't look to be having a good day. So, after sending 5 or 10 minutes unsuccessful in meeting up with her, Lulu and I needed to get up stairs for her chemotherapy infusion appointment. We would need to wait until another day to share stories and hopefully comfort each other during this difficult time?

We arrived in Reno around 10:00 PM (the traffic from SF to Sacramento was bumper to bumper and it took us 6 hours). We just had to stop for some Baby Lourdes snuggles time. She was looking very good, and the night shift nurse informed us that tomorrow we could start feeding Lourdes by bottle. I was so excited that I could wait to get home and jump into bed, so morning could get here. Tomorrow morning I was going to be at the NICU by 8:00 AM and feed Lourdes with a bottle.

Chemo day in San Francisco

Here we are at the end of our first day of the two day trip to SF. The mornings MRI guided biopsy (that costs $10,000), took over two hours to complete. Once finished Lulu told me now she's starting to understand why this test costs so much. She also was a little freaked out by the numbers of doctors and support staff attending to her for the test. She said that there was at least one attending doctor, one fellow, two residents, and two radiologists, and three nurses or other types of support staff. In her words, "this is no normal breast cancer tumor". We desperately wanted to know why Lulu needed six doctors and three other hospital staff to do what we thought was a simple biopsy? We discussed the reasons that they needed all this personnel?

1. They thought that Lulu was Sandra Bullock and they just wanted to say that they assisted in treating her?

2. They all get wind of this journal and were hoping they would be included in it by helping with Lulu's care?

3. The hospital was very overly staffed today?

4. Lulu is a very rare case or difficult case and they were using her as a teaching case? (this was the most probable reason).

No matter what the reason, a very concerning moment in our lives. As it turns out, today we didn't get a chance to meet with any of the doctors to explain it all.

Lulu's surgeon is still on vacation and i guess that the other physicians don't normally cover each other's patient unless its an emergency? So, we were left wondering what the overly staffed, $10,000 biopsy was all about? Tomorrow we will be meeting with the Oncologist, and maybe she can give us some information about what's going on? Before we left the UCSF clinic around 1:00 PM, we wanted to get Lulu's blood test done. By getting the blood test done today, meant that we wouldn't have to be here tomorrow morning at 7:30 AM when the lab opens. (you have to have your blood taken before each chemotherapy session to verify that the chemotherapy drugs haven't totally destroyed your immune system.

I got my chance to make my first, highly anticipated, cancer patient connection. When we walked into the lab there was one of the fellow infusion patients that was a directly crossed from Lulu two weeks ago. (when she had her first course of chemo drugs). I was so eager to make a connection, I almost pounced on her. I said to her, "Hi we saw you a couple of weeks ago getting chemotherapy, how are you doing?" She replied only with, "I'm OK." This was going to be harder then I had anticipated! As I struggled for the next thing to say (feeling like a pre-teen asking a girl for his first dance), she was called into the back for her blood to be drawn. However, I did get a "nice to see you" as she pass going out to who knows where? Near miss, but I was undeterred by the cold reception by the obviously very sick young lady. If I've learned anything by going through all this is, don't assume what kind of day or mood anyone is having? She could have just been told that she might only have weeks to live? Or that she has to have more surgery to remove another body part that she'd rather keep?

I did have tomorrow and I'm armed and ready to make a difference! I wasn't able to attend the breast cancer support group at 5:30 PM. As it turns out the group meets every 1 and 3 Thursday of the month, and I'm on the 2 and 4th track. I spoke to Lulu that when i get back to Reno I plan on finding a support group that I can attend, and ask her if she might want to do the same? We spent the rest of the afternoon at the Fisherman's wharf area and pier 39. I had been to this area for 3 or 4 years at least, and I wanted to see how much it has changing in that time. I'm here to tell you not much. Same street performers, restaurants, tourists, and shops that I remembered from 4 years ago. We had lunch at Alioto's (both had clam chowder in a bowl). We found out that if you leave any thing in a cab in SF, as surprising as this sounds, you may get it back? For a small price.

I never remember to ice cream tasting as good as it did today (we had a sundae at the Giradelli square a local and tourist favorite). Lulu and I couldn't understand why so many people were filling the streets on this most dreary day? But then it dawned on us that it was summer/vacation time for many and probably one of the most visited places on the planet? (easy to forget that it's summer in SF when the fog is in and the temperature hover around 60 degrees and you swear that it's got to be winter). Wasn't it Mark Twain that said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco"? We returned to my cousin Chris' stylin' house for a home cooked, restaurant style meal made by his significant other (girlfriend, main squeeze, better half, "the one") Maria. Let me tell you this girl can cook! I left that "eating a better diet" thing at the doorstep this evening. We ate delights that I can't really describe, but i can tell you that if I come back here, I'm requesting a "do over"!

I feel a little closer to everyone these days and I can add my cousin Chris and Maria to the getting to know better list. Again the out pouring of generosity around us is just amazing. Thank you Chris and Maria for making our trip just a little less difficult. I'm ready to turn in for the night. I've already prayed for Lulu's chemotherapy treatment tomorrow to heal her illness, and given her a kiss before she slipped into a restful sleep. Now I'm ready to give that cousin's bed a second chance to live up to the hype of being able to cure aching backs and pains?