Today I'm thankful for...
Living a lifestyle that I myself envy
Being healthy
Having a place to go to everyday that I enjoy
Seeing the glass as all the way "full", with a little water dripping out
Our days have been consumed by the office politics lately. There seems to be a million and one hurtles to over come during this last few weeks, and no end in site. Having a small business can be extremely time consuming; however, most of the time the result are so gratifying that more than worth the efforts. Lulu has accepted a position supervising the Pediatric Dental residents from UNLV dental school, so she can still be involved in the profession that she has loved and worked in for the last 12 years. She will be traveling to Fallon one to two weeks per month to help the residents treat children at the Fallon Indian Colony. I think that she'll really enjoy working with the 5 or 6 residents from the program. Lulu is a educator at heart, and that is one of the things that makes her such a good kids dentist. She is always teaching the patients (and their parents) in the office everything from proper tooth brushing to what are the most current trends in clothing (especially the girls). I can't wait until next week to see Lulu get back to what she most desperately misses, kids dentistry. There has been talk about a return to Dentistry for Kids on a part time basis. The plan is for Lulu to see a limited schedule of patients starting in late April. She has spoken many times about her need to get back to her calling, though I think after being out of the office for 10 months, she is nervous about her return? I know that her right arm is bothering her daily, because I can see her favoring the left; however, she good a hiding it. I just wonder if the effects of removal on 20+ lymphnodes from the underarm of her right side will slow her down in the long term? So far not a whole lot has slow Luz deLourdes Molina-Wilkerson. This is one tough Puerto Rican girl.
Our families life has become more predictable in these last two weeks. We are settling into a pattern that more predicable then anything that we've seen in these last 10 months. The boys are doing well with their Mommy's diagnosis, and we now talk about the longer term future, not only about what stage of cancer treatment that Mom's going through. I think that Lulu and I have tried hard to put on a "everything just fine" face, and mostly talked about the disease between ourselves. I really think that including the boys in some parts of Mom's treatments and her feelings during these times was important? Who knows what the long term effects of having a mother, and wife go through the difficult struggle as she has? I have to believe that all the kids (and the husband) are going to be stronger for it? I have definitely noticed the family has been closer these last 10 months as we've ever been before. Again reinforcing my belief that every thing happens for a purpose and it's just sometimes you have to wait awhile to find out what those are.
I haven't been afflicted lately with those thoughts of my wife not being around to care for her family one day. Just a short while ago I would wake up nights, sweating profusely, just having a vague feeling of dread that Lulu was going to be there for us. I had thoughts of what I was going to do to survive this world alone? It was like a recurring nightmare that I couldn't escape from. (now I don't sleep because I have a 9 month old girl crying most of the night). I like the nights of baby crying much more then praying that I wouldn't have another one of my terrible dreams of being alone when I woke up. I grateful to be able to think about the rest of my wife with my lovely spouse of 13 years. (on April 26).
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Lourdes and Lulu touch me in a special way
Today I'm thinking about...
How I can have a positive influence on others
Taking a break from the ever seemingly reminders of the office
My new commitment to staying healthy
My luck being chosen to be Lourdes' Daddy
Lulu and I are trying to get our life's back to the routines that we once enjoyed. No matter how hard we try, it will never be the same for us. In a way that fact is exciting and we look forward to our new future with four kids, a wife with cancer, and a new direction career wise. As you can tell, I'm not as frequent with my updates these last few weeks. I have been selfish with my time. Deciding to spend more of it with my family. I can't tell you how much that I have a new appreciation of my time and how I use it. Not that I've ever been frivolous with my use of time, but I'm just more aware of how limited it can be.
My lovely wife has been spending her time organizing her and our families life's. That I take is a good sign for continued improvement in her health? Lulu has been voicing her concerns about her future as Dr. Molina the strong, compassionate, and devoted pediatric dentist that she once was. She, I believe, is fighting those thoughts of self confidence and wondering if she can return to the pace and the devotion that she showed before starting her life altering journey almost one year ago? That constant balancing act of motherhood and a professional career. Just a little bump on either side of the continuum can cause a fierce anxiety in her life. It is all just another chance to grow as a human being. A part of becoming a better, stronger, and wiser person. I can't wait to see how this all will shape my best friend and hero?
Lourdes I think has grown more in this last week then the whole last couple of months? I spent most of the afternoon with her today, and we had fun playing Peek-a-Boo, rolling around on the floor, making a mess of her face and clothes while attempting to eat, and changing it seemed like a endless supply of poppy diapers (I think that she holds it all in until Daddy is in charge)? I just love to look at her round fat baby face, and I can't help but see both Mommy's features in there. Her nose is a miniature form of Lulu's, and those big eyes seemed to have been plucked right from Mommy's face (even though her eyes are blue? Lourdes was sucking down the milk tonight. Just when I thought that she had had enough of the white sweet cow juice, she would make sure that I knew that she wanting more. I think that I put her to bed twice now. She wasn't having going to sleep in her crib on her own. She has been held to fall asleep for most of her 9 months, and isn't adjusting to having to cry herself to sleep. (how can you blame her, I think all of us like to be held when we fall asleep no matter what age we are)? This girl thing, so far, has been one of the best things that has happened to me. I can barely wait until tomorrow to see what new experiences that we can share together?
My most recent book I finished again give me a thankfulness and appreciation of what we have in the US. Anderson Cooper's, Dispatches From The Edge,was an enlightening story of courage, humility, and caring that opened me more to my promise of giving back to people and caring for less fortunate persons somewhere on this great big world. I have completed some of the details of my missionary trip to Belize for January 2011, and I have been researching what more I can do? It's in all of us this need to give back, some people call it "pay it forward". If we can all just act upon these feelings, we can have a better world to live in. Next time you have a opportunity to change a life, take it, the time might never present itself again?
How I can have a positive influence on others
Taking a break from the ever seemingly reminders of the office
My new commitment to staying healthy
My luck being chosen to be Lourdes' Daddy
Lulu and I are trying to get our life's back to the routines that we once enjoyed. No matter how hard we try, it will never be the same for us. In a way that fact is exciting and we look forward to our new future with four kids, a wife with cancer, and a new direction career wise. As you can tell, I'm not as frequent with my updates these last few weeks. I have been selfish with my time. Deciding to spend more of it with my family. I can't tell you how much that I have a new appreciation of my time and how I use it. Not that I've ever been frivolous with my use of time, but I'm just more aware of how limited it can be.
My lovely wife has been spending her time organizing her and our families life's. That I take is a good sign for continued improvement in her health? Lulu has been voicing her concerns about her future as Dr. Molina the strong, compassionate, and devoted pediatric dentist that she once was. She, I believe, is fighting those thoughts of self confidence and wondering if she can return to the pace and the devotion that she showed before starting her life altering journey almost one year ago? That constant balancing act of motherhood and a professional career. Just a little bump on either side of the continuum can cause a fierce anxiety in her life. It is all just another chance to grow as a human being. A part of becoming a better, stronger, and wiser person. I can't wait to see how this all will shape my best friend and hero?
Lourdes I think has grown more in this last week then the whole last couple of months? I spent most of the afternoon with her today, and we had fun playing Peek-a-Boo, rolling around on the floor, making a mess of her face and clothes while attempting to eat, and changing it seemed like a endless supply of poppy diapers (I think that she holds it all in until Daddy is in charge)? I just love to look at her round fat baby face, and I can't help but see both Mommy's features in there. Her nose is a miniature form of Lulu's, and those big eyes seemed to have been plucked right from Mommy's face (even though her eyes are blue? Lourdes was sucking down the milk tonight. Just when I thought that she had had enough of the white sweet cow juice, she would make sure that I knew that she wanting more. I think that I put her to bed twice now. She wasn't having going to sleep in her crib on her own. She has been held to fall asleep for most of her 9 months, and isn't adjusting to having to cry herself to sleep. (how can you blame her, I think all of us like to be held when we fall asleep no matter what age we are)? This girl thing, so far, has been one of the best things that has happened to me. I can barely wait until tomorrow to see what new experiences that we can share together?
My most recent book I finished again give me a thankfulness and appreciation of what we have in the US. Anderson Cooper's, Dispatches From The Edge,was an enlightening story of courage, humility, and caring that opened me more to my promise of giving back to people and caring for less fortunate persons somewhere on this great big world. I have completed some of the details of my missionary trip to Belize for January 2011, and I have been researching what more I can do? It's in all of us this need to give back, some people call it "pay it forward". If we can all just act upon these feelings, we can have a better world to live in. Next time you have a opportunity to change a life, take it, the time might never present itself again?
Monday, March 1, 2010
We return from San Francisco
Today I'm grateful for...
Being with my family for all life's events
Long walks
Seemingly unlimited love to give
Rewarding and fun things filling my days
Lulu and I just returned from San Francisco with the kids. We had a small celebration to mark the wonderful event, and plan on really celebrating the occasion tomorrow with spending time together as a family. Lulu has just finished her 5 week radiation treatment, and has most of the major steps to beating this cancer completed. It's been a difficult 9 months for all of us, but she's been strong like always (what's new there?). There's many things about having Stage III breast cancer that are negative, but there are some positives also; like getting to have reconstructive breast augmentation and ones asking why you did it? Or being pushed into evaluating your future closely and make some enlightening discoveries. Or me getting to spend more quality time with my wife and learn more about her beautiful character.
Lulu will be taking both oral cancer medications, and hormone therapy for the next 5 years (that's what they say). Lulu's also strongly thinking about taking a new trial drug that would help to prevent the cancer cells from invading her body in the future (the doctors seem to think that she should do this, I guess she is at high risk for relapse?).
I have a strong, determined wife and I'm lucky to be a part of her life. Though many things for her have changed, the positive mindset and assertiveness remain. It's hard not to believe in a higher being shaping our futures when you think about all the great things that I have had laid on me during my 44 years? How was I drawn to Lulu? To being with her during all that has effected her life lately. Most days I can't believe my luck, and I wonder if all of it can be taken away? I'm so glad that I'm here for her and I know that she has greatly benefited from me in her life.
I have been sent another book (read through the Kindle application on my iPhone) to help me to realize just how fortunate that I am. When we think that we have been handed a deck of Spades, there always seems to be a knock on my door, and at mt house's entry is some kind of inspiring message waiting for me. I cried through the last chapter of Marcus Luttrell's, Lone Survivor, The Eyewitness Account Of Operation Redwing and The Lost Heros Of Seal Team 10. I was left wondering how does one endure watching your friends, that have saved you from your ultimate demise, die in front and next to you, and you can't do anything to help them? I realize that dying, unless from advanced age, is difficult to make sense of, and many times is senseless! I can only control how I react to life, I can't change it. If you want understand the sacrifices that our man and women in uniform give to keep this country free, this is the book to clearly identify who they might be? I can't wait to have the next inspirational message sneak through my door.
Being with my family for all life's events
Long walks
Seemingly unlimited love to give
Rewarding and fun things filling my days
Lulu and I just returned from San Francisco with the kids. We had a small celebration to mark the wonderful event, and plan on really celebrating the occasion tomorrow with spending time together as a family. Lulu has just finished her 5 week radiation treatment, and has most of the major steps to beating this cancer completed. It's been a difficult 9 months for all of us, but she's been strong like always (what's new there?). There's many things about having Stage III breast cancer that are negative, but there are some positives also; like getting to have reconstructive breast augmentation and ones asking why you did it? Or being pushed into evaluating your future closely and make some enlightening discoveries. Or me getting to spend more quality time with my wife and learn more about her beautiful character.
Lulu will be taking both oral cancer medications, and hormone therapy for the next 5 years (that's what they say). Lulu's also strongly thinking about taking a new trial drug that would help to prevent the cancer cells from invading her body in the future (the doctors seem to think that she should do this, I guess she is at high risk for relapse?).
I have a strong, determined wife and I'm lucky to be a part of her life. Though many things for her have changed, the positive mindset and assertiveness remain. It's hard not to believe in a higher being shaping our futures when you think about all the great things that I have had laid on me during my 44 years? How was I drawn to Lulu? To being with her during all that has effected her life lately. Most days I can't believe my luck, and I wonder if all of it can be taken away? I'm so glad that I'm here for her and I know that she has greatly benefited from me in her life.
I have been sent another book (read through the Kindle application on my iPhone) to help me to realize just how fortunate that I am. When we think that we have been handed a deck of Spades, there always seems to be a knock on my door, and at mt house's entry is some kind of inspiring message waiting for me. I cried through the last chapter of Marcus Luttrell's, Lone Survivor, The Eyewitness Account Of Operation Redwing and The Lost Heros Of Seal Team 10. I was left wondering how does one endure watching your friends, that have saved you from your ultimate demise, die in front and next to you, and you can't do anything to help them? I realize that dying, unless from advanced age, is difficult to make sense of, and many times is senseless! I can only control how I react to life, I can't change it. If you want understand the sacrifices that our man and women in uniform give to keep this country free, this is the book to clearly identify who they might be? I can't wait to have the next inspirational message sneak through my door.
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