Getting it together

Today I'm grateful for...

Seeing Dr. Molina go back to loving what she was born to do
Spending a lot of time with the kids
Having a healthy beautiful baby girl
The people in my life

I know it's been a few weeks since I've written in to blog, so what's been up in our life's? Lulu and I are working on strengthen our husband-wife relationship. It's a fact that I think that both of us would agree that the effects of Lulu's breast cancer has helped to grow our love for each other? However, lately as our life's have been settling into a more normal pattern (if you can says that any pattern you follow with a terrible illness like cancer) we have been struggling with the day to day expectations of husband and wife roles, and how we fit them? Though one thing that we have learned in this last year is how to better communicate to resolve these issues. I can also better understand what are the most important things that we discuss at length and what other things that aren't so important.

Lulu's started back to work with the kids at the office, and I'm not sure that I've seen her as tired and at the same time as stimulated as she's been this late week? She's so great at what she does. You have to see how much energy she has when she's caring for the patients. I'm proud of her for wanting to get back to work when she still having some health issues, and at the same time I'm concerned that she's going to overdo it and it could effect her long term health? I know that I have a strong wife, and that it's best that I just let her follow her heart. God with guide her and protect her. I just have to let go of my want to protect my wife, and pray for her long term success.

Lulu and I are fast approaching our 13th year of marriage. Those years have flown by and much has happen to both of us through the years, but I don't think this year we'll be looking back, but instead looking forward to the next decade of sharing our life's together? It's hard to believe that on a Warm humid April Saturday in Puerto Rico that we tied the knot in matrimony. Today I was thinking about how I couldn't ask for a better person to spend my last 13 years with? Lulu and I when out to dinner and a movie to celebrate our big anniversary, and I'm not sure the last time that I have enjoyed her company more?

Lulu goes back to work at DFK

Today I'm thankful for...
My beautiful wife healthy enough to get back to what she loves
My chance to be more involved with my kids
Family unity
Having so much

As we wake this Monday morning to a layer of fresh snow in April, this is the first day of Lulu returning to the office. She wanted me to post a note of gratitude before she set off to the passion that she loves. Here's what she had to say;

As my first day back at the office gets closer my emotions are high and low. At times I am so exited, and other so sad. To think all we have gone thru these past months. Sometimes I feel it is still all a bad dream. That I will be back at the office and will be back to normal... it has been so hard for me to talk about my feelings...Some of my coping skills have been keeping myself as busy and my energy level allows me to be. It helps me not to feel 'sick', different from everyone around me or even resentful of the why me. I am so gratetful for all the lessons learned, for all the support for all the people that have touch and change our lives. I know that God has been with me every step of the way. He did not give me this cancer, he has given me so much. Great doctors that are watching and taken care of me, wonderful friends and an amazing family. We finally took a family picture. I was looking forward to do it as we do every year. We did not do it during the holidays as I was still recuperationg from my surgery. I have such a beatiful and great kids. I have such a loving, patient and supportive husband. I feel guilty for all have put them thru this year. To look at my boys, Carter, Thomas and Hamilton, and see how much they have grown. To see Lourdes, how happy and healthy she is keeps reminding my of Gods miracles and how much he really loves me.

I am ready for the next chapter of our lives!

Hugs to everyone,
Lulu

Following up with the UCSF doctors

Today I'm thankful for...
Very loving kids
Wonderful wife that is living life freely
Great medical care
God

Lulu and I made a trip down to the UCSF cancer clinic yesterday. Lulu had a scheduled appointment to see all the doctors that have been caring for her so far. We left after dropping the boys off at Our Lady of the Snows school. I knew the drive was going to be difficult, because the weather had turned cold and snowy one day prior to this trip. The weather didn't disappoint either. We needed to pass through two chain controls stations; one at Gold ranch and the other in Truckee. It looked as if mother nature had dumped 2 to 3 feet of snow in areas over the pass? Lucky though there weren't too many cars or trucks making the trip to Sacramento on a snowy Wednesday morning. I was glad that we had driven the All wheel drive van, and not the Prius, because if we had, I think that we might still be trying to cross the Sierra Nevada mountains? I really hope that this is the last time that we need to be worried about wintry weather when Lulu and I are to be driving over to San Francisco?

Lulu and I arrived at the clinic just in time to make her first appointment scheduled for 1 PM. She was scheduled to see the breast surgeon, the plastic surgeon, the radiation oncologist, and the much anticipated appointment with the oncologist (she was to talk about the next steps in Lulu's treatment, and what to expect in the next phase of battling this disease?) Given the chance Lulu was thinking about expanding her chest size, and I took that as a good sign that she was thinking about vanity and not so much about severity of her condition? She told the plastic surgeon that after going through all this cancer treatment this last year, she was going to get something out of it all, and since she couldn't be a DD (porno boobs), she was "going as large as I can get". I think that she was looking good and didn't need to increase in size, but the choice is making her happy, so I keep quiet.

After Lulu received her 50 cc of saline to expand her breasts to a "full C cup", we spent a good 40 minutes with the oncologist on the how far she's come, and what more is ahead? The oncologist explained that because the cancer wasn't very responsive to the chemotherapy that Lulu needs to have total estrogen suppression for the rest of her life, and there was talk about the removal of the ovaries if her cycle returns and the estrogen levels in her body increase. The oncologist explained that the chance of the cancer reappearing is directly related to the amounts of estrogen that Lulu's body is producing, so every that can be done to stop it is needed. Also, there was discussion on the chance of cancer cells in the blood and the bone marrow (where the blood cells are produced), so Lulu will undergo a bone marrow biopsy to find out if she has enough cancer cells invading her bone marrow to qualify Lulu for a experimental drug treatment to eliminate these cancer cells? So once the consents were discussed and signed Lulu was scheduled for a Bone Marrow Biopsy procedure in mid-May.

Once our stressful day of consultations with a half dozen health care providers, we were done and could start our 4.5 hours drive back to Reno. It donned on me that either all the UCSF medical providers were very caring individuals, or that Lulu feel into that very high risk cancer category and they were really feeling sorry for her? Lulu stated that she really likes all the medical team that is caring for her, but she wished that she didn't have to see them anymore? That really summed up my feelings too.

If Lulu is a candidate for the drug trial for the bone marrow treatment, she would need to be seen in the clinic for blood tests and follow ups once per month, and that would last for 6 months starting in June. Lulu is to have a second surgery to replace the tissue expanders that she now has with saline implants that will be her final breast fillers. So as much as she's been through there's still more trips to San Francisco and more meetings with her health care providers.

As we made are way back home, Lulu and I talked, cried, and discussed where we were at in our life's. It was nice to have her alone to share our feelings with each other, and secretly hoped that we would have many more of these ride together to share each other's company?