Here's some Halloween pictures of the family.

The end of Lulu's chemotherapy

Today I'm thankful for...

That Lulu has finished her chemotherapy

Beating this Flu

Holding Lourdes again

Hanging with the kids

What a long day for us yesterday. We left Reno at 6 AM to make it to UCSF in time for the first of many appointments. We arrived in the MRI department at 11;30 AM, after she had her blood taken for the standard required blood test. Lulu was concerned about getting this MRI, due to the fact that last time she had this done it was very uncomfortable for her, and she knows that she has to be in the MRI tube for almost a full hour. I didn't know this (I'm not sure she even knew this), but Lulu seems to be claustrophobic. Not something that bodes well with laying motionless in a small tube structure for 40 to 50 minutes. But she ended up doing fine, and as she laid there for the 50 minutes having her tumors imaged, Lourdes and I sat together in the reception area saying a prayer that the tumors have gone away in Mommies breast? Since they hadn't been prepared for Lulu's MRI we were 30 minutes late upstairs for the meeting with the Oncologist (seen here with Lulu and Lourdes), but they accommodated us and took Lulu and I right in for the consultation.

The doctor was very impressed with the reduction in sizes of the three tumors in Lulu right breast. By her measurements they measured 1.5-1 cm, 1-.5 cm, and .5 or less for the last one. What an improvements over 4-3 cm, 3-2 cm, and 2-1.5 cm that these foreign invaders originally were thought to be. As you can imagine we were very happy about the findings. Lulu ask some questions about the long term effect of the chemotherapy drugs, and then turned to discussing her thoughts on the up coming breast surgery. The oncologist spent some time reviewing the other parts of treating a type III breast cancer, like radiation, and hormone therapy. However, we learned of a newer drug regiment that Lulu might be a prime recipient of? After the findings of the surgery (what if any cancer is in the axillary lymph nodes, how defined are the margins to the breast tumors, and if and how much chest wall muscle must be removed) there would be enough information to determine whether or not Lulu might benefit from this new treatment? We asked if the oncologist wouldn't mind taking a photo with Lulu and Lourdes, and after Lulu got back dressed we scooted off to the genetic counseling appointment.

We had been anticipating the results of the BRC1 and the BRC2 genetic test that Lulu had blood taken two weeks ago. At this time I'm not feeling so well, and as I'm feeding Lourdes and shivering with a fever; I can't concentrate on the genetic results that are being discussed with Lulu. The only part that I catch is the part about Lulu being negative for the gene that is responsible for the mutations of the healthy cells into cancerous ones. Everything about the 40 minute appointment is a blur to me, expect for that fact. I want to scream out loud for joy, but think better of it, because just a minute earlier I finally got Lourdes calmed down and eating from the bottle. Lulu isn't a carrier of the dreaded gene. The day was getting better by the minute.

Something no less then miraculous happened to Lulu and I was us were leaving the breast cancer clinic on our way to the infusion center. We ran into Kate's mother and sister. I had been thinking about what might have happened to the young girl that Lulu had shared her early experiences with, and only once in the long grueling five months of chemotherapy did we see her? Lulu recognized Kate's mom right away, and said to me, "there's Kate's mom and that must be her sister?" I do have to say that the 20 some old girl had a lot of resemblance to Kate, dark silky medium length hair, striking underlying Asian facial features, and slight build. Lulu and I were so excited that if we could see and talk to Kate, we could at least find out about how she's been doing. Lulu approached the mom and ask, "aren't you Kate's mother?" As it turns out not only was this your mother, and sister, but that Kate's dad was here too. We spent the next 10 minutes catching up on things like, how's Kate been doing, has she lost her eye lashes, how many wigs and what type and color are they, how far along is Kate in the chemotherapy and what type of drugs has she been enduring? We mostly spent the time finding about Kate's treatment and her successes and failures in the last 5 months, all long wondering how we all got here? By some force of fate? Was this all meant to be? Don't you sometimes wonder how your life flows, and what events happen that shape it?

I wanted for Kate to read about Lulu's life, and her battle with this life threatening disease, so I quickly removed a DFK (dentsitry for kids) business card from my wallet and write the web address to Luz Molina's Journey blog and handed it to Kate's mom. I told her that if Kate wanted to catch up to Lulu's life with cancer and her prognosis; that I had been logging all the events here, and Lulu would love to have Kate contact her if she felt up to it? Then, as I almost forgotten, I remembered the friendship bracelets that our friends kids had made for cancer patients that we run into, and I retrieved one from the manila envelope to give to Kate's mom. I explained how we have these friends that wanted to help all cancer patients in their fight, and made these cards and bracelets to hand out as a sign of hope? I could see the surprise in Kate's mother's face. She was I'm sure thinking, are these people for real? With all they're facing, they are giving away hope bracelets and email/website information to help others. As Lulu and I left to get to her infusion appointment on the 5th floor, I know that I felt that I just changed someones life for the better. This is a felling that I know that I like, and each time it happens, I feeling a little more positive about the world we live in! I was just hoping that Kate would feel that way too?

I never thought I'd have four kids

Today I'm grateful for...

Having health insurance

Getting out of the house (first time in days)

Seeing my sister

Being with my wife for the last chemotherapy treatment

My sister is here to help us care for the kids while I recover from the Flu, and while Lulu and I trek down to SF for the chemotherapy treatment. We had originally planned on leaving today for UCSF cancer center, but I wasn't feeling well enough to ride in the car for four and half hours (plus I didn't want to expose Lulu and Lourdes to my infectious cough). So the plan is to leave bright and early tomorrow Friday so we can make the first appointment at 10 AM.

Lulu and Lori were bonding over my Halloween costume construction (I'm going to be Jack in the Box and the construction of the famed head is quite time consuming and technical). I can see that Lulu enjoys the companionship, and has been really sharing a lot of herself with my only sister. I've just been a bystander, but enjoying the day (as best you can coughing, hacking and not feeling very well). It's great to see my sister holding and feeding Lourdes. The two seem to have taken to each other, and Lori has been holding her for most of the day (Lourdes likes to cry a lot, so she is in someones arms much of the time). Many times the only think that can quiet Lourdes is walking her around and talking or better singing to her. She has a "more then usual" cry time from 6 to 9 PM daily. We haven't resorted to the top of the dryer or the drive around in the car tricks, as of yet. I watched the little angel girl from afar today, and I was wishing that I could hold and soothe her as my sister was doing. I just can't wait until tomorrow comes so I can take her into my arms, feel and hear her breath upon my cheek. Isn't that want Daddy's do?

I did get the chance to rough house around with Hamilton tonight, and I played a new game with Thomas too. (I made sure that I brought home some medical masks to protect them from my Flu symptoms). They both are hungry for attention. You can see that they want to play with anyone that is near, and even though I don't feel the best, I wanted to spend a least a small part of my day with them. I plan on using this weekend to catch up with the little time that I've been able to be a active father lately. I never imagined that fatherhood would be so rewarding? I look forward to the smallest moments that I have with each of the four maturing Wilkerson kids. I distinctly remember Lulu and I discussing the number of kids that each of us wanted to have. I was bordering between one and zero. I think that like most persons without children, I was scared to venture into the unknown of parenting. Would I be a good father? Could I change my single life and the priorities that come along with only worrying about yourself? I was never convinced that I could succeed as a parent, and that lead me limiting myself to no more then one dependent. Boy have I come a long way. I was the driving force in Lulu and I having our fourth child, Lourdes. As difficult as the last five months have been, I'm so elated that we had Lourdes and blessed that God choose us to be her parents. I just hope that I can live up to high standards that he has placed on me???

My 44th birthday

Today I'm thankful for...

Feeling better then the last two days

Flu medications

Soft bed

Loving caring wife

Yesterday October 20th was my 44 birthday. I woke not feeling so good (sore throat, deep cough), and by the end of the day I was running a fever, my body was aching, and I had a severe case of the chills. As soon as I was done with the last patient, I was out the door to get home to my bed and fight this. Today I'm feeling better, but still have a cough and slight fever. I'm thankful for when I'm healthy, because this being sick isn't much fun. I'm planning on taking it easy the next 24 hours, so I'll be ready to travel to UCSF for the last chemotherapy appointment tomorrow. I was thinking that maybe I'm lucky that the bug hit me yesterday, and not tomorrow, because if that was the case, I would have missed the trip down with Lulu. (maybe it was a higher intervention?)

My birthday was great (besides being sick). The team at the office got me a cake and card with many nice messages written inside. As for the patients, luckily it was one of those really smooth days where everything just seemed to flow just right. Today was also Hawaiian day at DFK, so everyone was dressed in their best Hawaiian shirts, or dresses. We even had one of the assistants wearing a grass hula skirt. I love how our office gets so excited about these kind of events, and I can tell the patients and their parents really enjoy it too. Last week we had pajama day, and the week before that was crazy hat day. (I wore my kids goofy hat that they gotten from Disneyland last year). We always seem to think of more crazy and fun events to make the practice just a little goofy and a lot of fun.

I'm hoping to get better real soon, so I can hold that Lourdes. I haven't really gotten a chance to care for her the last four days. I certainly don't want to get her sick, and I'll probably have to wait another day to hold, snuggle, and feed her?

Thanks again for tuning into our daily lives. We want to give you all a peek at what events are shaping the Molina-Wilkerson's.

Last chemotherapy treatment in four days

Today I'm thankful for...

A strong wife

Strength to think clearly about the future

Getting the opportunity to get away with friends for a weekend of fishing

My good health

Both Lulu and I are excited that this is the last week of chemotherapy at the UCSF breast cancer clinic. I'm hoping to make the best out of Friday's appointments with the oncologist, the genetic counselor, and the chemotherapy treatment. We have friends that made cute friendship bracelets to handout to the others receiving the cancer drugs at the infusion center. I will miss the interactions with patients that have been sharing in the journey of cancer. I really want to share these tokens of hope with as many patients as possible.

Lulu's says that she's been feeling pretty good going into the final chemotherapy treatment. She still is having numbness in her feet (a side effect of the Taxol drugs), and feels more tired then normal. Lulu went to a breast cancer survival meeting tonight, and she really thought that it was beneficial to meet survivors of breast cancer. Many of the ladies are 10 years survivors or more, and Lulu said that it's nice see other that have survived the trials of chemotherapy, surgery, radiation, and hormone therapy. She's seeing the hope on the other side of all this treatment and surgery. I've been trying to be supportive with positive comments, help with the boys, and holding Lourdes often (that's really hard). I'm so happy that she has been doing better then anyone expected with the treatments, and is going to be ending this stage of the recovery. I'm just here to give love to the beautiful woman, Luz De Lourdes.

I found myself thinging about my wife's strength

Today I'm thankful for...
My health, and feeling great
Being inside (it's very wet outside today)
That I have a computer to use for this blog
God filling my life with hope

As I sit in my office today, I'm thinking about what is Lulu doing, how is she feeling, and what I could do to help her get through these difficult days of chemotherapy treatment? I'm just thankful that I have my health (even as my head is pounding from a large sized headache). I remember when I was recovering from my back surgeries thinking why I had to be the one to go through the intense pain and recovery like this? There was that feeling of self pity during those last two years (I had back surgery for herniated discs in May 2007, and then again in April 2008), and now I'm embarrassed to even think that my needs were as great as Lulu's. I realize now that there will always be someone, somewhere that is going through a more difficult, longer recovery, worse pain, then myself. I think that Lulu is ahead of be (probably wiser then me?) because she rarely complains about what she is going through with her cancer. It's takes strength to get up every morning and accomplish the things she does, and wisdom to do it all without complaint.

Seven down and one more to go

Today I'm thankful for...
Minimal back pain, and being able to take a walk
Lulu being mostly done with Chemotherapy
Having Lulu's sister (Doris) visiting us
Just beautiful fall weather

Seven down and only one more to go. We just returned from the seventh chemotherapy treatment at UCSF cancer center. This Friday started early, we left at 5:30 AM for the drive down to SF to start the next to last cancer treatment. The drive was uneventful, and we arrived at the UCSF lab for Lulu's blood test at 10:30. Today we were meeting the genetic counselor to do a follow up to last weeks appointment. During the last week Lulu and I had decided that she should have the test to see if she has the marker for breast cancer gene?

After our 45 minute meeting with the oncologist and lunch, we headed to the 5 floor infusion center. Lulu had scheduled the chemotherapy later in the day, so we could avoid the heavy traffic over the bay bridge. Lourdes was tagging along with us on this trip, and she was being great. We have found that she really enjoys the car rides. Something about the soothing motion of the car is like a hypnosis' spell, and she is just tranced by it. This chemotherapy appointment we requested a private room as not to expose Lourdes to any unnecessary bugs. The infusion center has become a familiar place to us, and we showed off Lourdes to the nurses that have shared in Lulu's care these last four months. Of course everyone is crazy about her (if you have been reading this blog for any length of time, you know why). I was extremely tired and longed to rest as Lulu sleep through most of the 4 hour drug infusion, but I held and fed Lourdes while watching over my lovely wife. As I gazed at Lulu she looked so peaceful as the toxic cancer drugs flowed form the clear hanging meds bag. The cancer drugs had taken their toll on all of Lulu's hair. All of the hair on her head has been missing for months now, her eyebrows are mostly gone, and her once thick eyelashes barely visible. We don't talk about the changes, even though they have occurred. They're just one small part of the big picture when dealing with breast cancer and the treatments that go along with it.

We were the last patients left in the infusion center when Lulu got the last bit of drugs. We said our goodbyes to the staff and got into the car for the return trip to Reno around 7:30 PM. Lulu and I had a minor celebration as she only has one more Taxol chemo treatment left. We're getting close to the end. Lulu mentioned that these last 4 months have gone by quickly. I was thinking to myself, that it couldn't end soon enough!

I had a wonderfully touching day

Today I'm thankful for...
Incredible friendship that Lulu and I have made throughout the years
Being able to watch my boys play baseball
Having such great people to share my work days with (if you call it work?)
Beautiful place to call home, Reno

I had a wonderfully touching day. Today there were some amazingly giving people that touched my life today. We had two gifts delivered to the office for Lulu and the new baby today, that just shows the support that we have. There was some great gestures of concern for the family with a number of patients and their parents today also. One in particular that I was touched by. A family that's been part of our practice and our lives for close to 8 years (and has had a bit of adversity themselves lately) took the time to say hello and that they have been thinking and praying for us daily. It means more then I say with words that so many people care about us (especially Lulu and Lourdes). I know that Lulu is proud and doesn't want to reach out for help, but just knowing and seeing so many well wishers is therapeutic for our whole family. I hope you all are reading this right now, because I want you all to know how much we appreciated the love and hope that you bring us???

With everything that has been happening to me in the last 4 months I can begin to see there's a purpose to it all. Just today, Lulu told me as I came in the door from a great day at the office, that she really thinks that God has given her a gift. Not the cancer, but what comes along with it; patience, strength, appreciation, giving, and love of precious life. Another sign that my fabulous wife is above pity and has the strongest determination that I have witnessed in my life. I'm impressed daily by her, and I'm happy that I get to share my life with her.

This is a chemotherapy week, and Lulu's been talking about wanting to get it over with, so she can quit feeling sick and tired. I just hope that it does as well or better then the last six? I know that I'd be counting down the days until I was done!

Raising money for Breast Cancer research

Today I'm thankful for...
My back feeling well enough to walk three miles for Lulu
Having wonderful friends help in raising money for breast cancer
Great kids, that don't complain about much
A Strong Puerto Rican wife

This morning Lulu, I, and all the kids went on a 5K walk to raise money for breast cancer research. As most of you know the Susan B. Komen breast cancer organization has fund raising for breast cancer research all around the country. We signed up our office for as team Dentistry for Kids to participate in this event many months ago, and most of the office team came out to not only support Lulu, but also support all the breast cancer survivors. We were also joined by "The Smile Shop" pediatric dental office including Dr. Mike Stoker, Nicole Stoker and their spouses (how great that they took a Saturday morning out of their busy life's to show support and walk with us). We all met on the UNR campus at 8 AM under our Dentistry for Kids sign (made for us by the Susan Komen organizers). After photos of our team and some announcements the cannon was fired and we started our 5K trek around the marked route. I have to say that before this year (and Lulu cancer diagnosis) Lulu and I really didn't pay that much attention to events like this. Our eyes have been opened to how important fund raisers are, and how each one of us can be instrumental in helping us one day find cures for cancers, diabetes, parkinson's, and other debilitating conditions. I was so proud of Lulu. She walked the walk (no complaints) and was cheerful as she make her way around the 5K course. I actually saw the appreciation in Lulu for the number of people that come out to support breast cancer patients and the survivors of breast cancer (I think that there were at least 2000 people in attendance for this event).

Planning the breast surgery at UCSF

Today I'm grateful for...
People making me laugh daily
Having such a positive outlook on life
Great companies making a difference
Sharing my life with the people I love

Today was a really long day. After Lulu and I spent a wakeful night tending to Lourdes' needs, I was a wake at 5 AM comforting a crying little girl and feeding her the bottle. The morning was as peaceful as I can ever recall. The sun was streaming through the south facing windows, the Ritz-Carlton room was so quiet it was eerie, and I was truly at peace with my thoughts. I started the day off with a prayer to God. I asked for the strength to endure the rest of Lulu's recovery, give me a sign of how to be a better Father and Husband, and the wisdom to make healthy decisions. Lourdes and I shared the couch in the living area, and we could hear my wife's tender breathing in the adjacent room as she sleep in to the late morning. Once we had finished our wonderful delicious continental breakfast in the Ritz's club level members only lounge, we packed up and headed out into the city for a short tour before Lulu's 3 o'clock appointment at UCSF cancer clinic. Today we had scheduled a meeting with the genetic counselor to look at the possibility that Lulu might be a carrier of the specific gene that when mutated is seen causing many types of cancers. When we arrived at the cancer clinic, we were meet by a young Indian (the country) woman that would be our genetic cancer counselor by the name of Laksma. We found that much of the counseling was forming a family tree, and investigating the relatives health history. After close to an hour of forming the connections between uncles, aunts, cousins, and such, the Laksma thought that genetic mapping looking for the specific cancer causing gene was warranted. So as part of the next appointment Here at the cancer clinic, Lulu is to have blood drawn and sent off for the genetic test to determine this. We thanked Laksma and headed off to the breast surgeon's part of today's appointments.

We were almost seen on time with the breast surgeon (the appointment time was for 4 PM and we were seen at 4:30). It had been over a month since the last appointment with this surgeon, and Lulu was yearning to ask some follow up questions to yesterday's consult with the reconstructive surgeon. Of course the first 10 minutes of the appointment was showing off Lourdes to the doctor and her resident tagging along. I'm now learning that you can never overdo the debut of a incredibly precious little princess, like Lourdes, so we talked about her growth since leaving the intensive care unit 6 weeks ago and how her presence has changed our lives? I asked the surgeon if she didn't mind taking a picture with Lulu and Lourdes so we could show family and friends who was to be cutting the cancerous tissues form Lulu's body. She was more then willing to indulge us for a photo. The whole experience was darned pleasant, and we left feeling more secure with the place that we had decided to care for Lulu and treat her cancer.

The long ride home to Reno was a time for reflection and planning. I was reflecting about how far Lulu has come in her treatment. From those first words, "you have a large cancerous tumor in your right breast" to the present where the biggest concern is where Lulu is going to get "D" sized breasts with her reconstruction? The planning part involved who was going to help with our kids during the last two chemotherapy appointments at the clinic, and what would be the plan for the week long stay in SF during the week of surgery and recovery for Lulu? As I drove the car home with the one that I had chosen to live my life with and the precious Lourdes sleeping in the back, I couldn't help but think that everything was going to turn out fine. For all the expressions of thanks to God I have said and the unbelievable massive amount of well wishing that everyone has been laying upon our family, how couldn't it be?